WifeAdvice.com

Name Game

It’s been a while since we held a debate here, but that doesn’t mean we’ve stopped disagreeing with each other. Today’s debate is fresh and still unresolved: Who should get to name our next child?

He Said
My wife is pregnant and this Friday we find out if it is a boy or girl. She insists that she is choosing the name no matter what. We have 3 boys already, and my wife claims that I have chosen the names for all 3. But this isn’t true. I have simply suggested 3 great names so far - all of which she has agreed to and liked. I never forced my wife to stick with the names. She could have thought of better names and I would have gone with them. I have been trying to reason with her over the last few weeks, but she is simply refusing to budge.

I recently told her that if she refuses to negotiate a name, then I will refuse to call the child by the name she chooses. Last week I was thinking about how crazy this is, and I offered a compromise: If we have a girl, I will let my wife choose the first name, but I would like to choose the middle name. If it is a boy, then I will choose the first name and she can choose the middle name. Is this not reasonable? I am not sure how this isn’t fair for both of us.

I should mention that she will point out that two of our kids’ names are the same as my brothers’ and one the other is the same as a good friend of mine, but that doesn’t really mean much. We have chosen very common names (Tommy, Michael, and David), so there are bound to be people with the same names. Plus I am pretty sure that she suggested ‘David’ at one point anyway.

I now plead to you, oh wise decision makers. Let the past be the past because we aren’t historians and can’t accurately relate who said what regarding our children’s names. Let’s move forward and do things fairly.

She Said

The past is the past, and fortunately I can accurately remember it all. The deal The Donkey is offering is the same deal he offered when we had our first baby. Before the ultrasound he got me to agree that he would pick the name for a boy, but I could pick one for a girl. And that is exactly what we did. For the next two children, we didn’t have that official deal, but he has always had the naming privilege, simply due to the fact that he would veto each and every name that I suggested. For each child, I have researched and made lists of names. I would work on the list until I came up with 10-15 names that I was willing to consider. The Donkey, on the other hand has written down two names and said, “these are the only choices I will agree to.” And, like he said, so far all three names have been based on one of his brothers or best friends.

Also, the fact that I have agreed to and been happy about the names is just an example of my willingness to make things work. Contrary to The Donkey’s statement, NONE of the names were suggested by me, and some of them were names I had negative associations with–but I was willing to let the negative feelings go in order to love my kids’ names.

As always, this is a very simple case. It’s my turn. I should get to choose this child’s name, regardless of whether it’s a girl or a boy. I am at least willing to give The Donkey very limited veto power. I will make a list of names, then narrow it down to 2-3 that I like. He can tell me if he is vehemently opposed to one of those names, but other than that, the choice should be mine.

What do you think? Cast your vote below to help us decide…

Update: This poll has been closed.  See results here.

Positive Reinforcement

Wife: So, have I reached the point in this pregnancy where I start looking cute?

Donkey: No.

Wife: I suppose I should have known better than to ask that.

Here’s where we answer our readers’ questions. Please don’t blame us if our suggestions don’t work for you–you’re the one taking advice from a Donkey.

Dear Donkey and Wife:

My husband and I came home from a long trip and we had some milk in the fridge we weren’t sure about…we all know how men can be– i was the one to test whether it was spoiled or not. What i am wondering is, who should test to see if the milk is spoiled?

-Sour Sport

He Says

• The husband is often a major source of income. You don’t want to lose the breadwinner to some spoiled milk or a wacky garbage disposal that gnaws off his arm while he is looking for a miniature fork.
• Husbands have a knack for covering up tasteless/bad food with salt and sugar to make it go down. How many of us have been subjected to a bad dinner? You gotta force it down so your wife won’t get offended. There is no doubt that your husband will dump a little chocolate powder into the milk if it tastes sour. When you ask, “Is the milk sour,” he will respond, “Tastes great with some Nesquick.”
• Women are more nurturing by nature. It would make sense to play to your strength and sacrifice one for the team. Why waste the energy forcing your husband to be something he is not? His skill is probably sleeping, so let him have a few extra winks while you go down to the basement to find out what the noise is and why there is a broken window.
• Finally, I believe that there is a biological reason too. Women produce milk. They are more equipped to distinguish between milk that is good and milk that is sour. A man does not possess the glands or hormones to produce milk and might not have the chemical makeup to make the distinction.

She Says

Does anyone really need to taste the sour milk? I’m willing to take a sniff, but if The Donkey tried to get me to test it by drinking, I would just throw the milk out and get a new gallon. If he tried to make me stick my arm down the garbage disposal, I would just say the mini-fork was a loss, and go out and buy a new disposal and a new silverware set. Instead of chasing down strange noises in the night, I would just stop saying NO to the salesman that comes to my door every month and finally get an alarm system installed.

Do you see where I’m going with this? As long as I refuse the task, and find an alternative that involves spending more money, my “frugal” (cheapskate) husband will give in and save the money from being spent. Problem solved.

Any other advice for Sour Sport?

Question:

Can a husband call it “babysitting” when he’s watching his own children?

Give us your take in the comments.

Related post: Marriage Advice–When Your Wife Says You Won’t be in Trouble

“Blueprint for Happiness”

And you thought The Donkey was bad. Remember the Wife Performance Appraisal and the Housewife Job Description he published? Well, that was nothing compared to the Marital Rating Scale circulating around the internet during the last few days. Back in the 1930s, Dr. George W. Crane interviewed 600 husbands and wives about the merits and demerits of their spouse. He then “summarized the most frequently voiced flaws and virtues” in his pamphlet, “Tests for Husbands and Wives” Here is an excerpt:

(click to enlarge)

Or check out the entire quiz, (thanks to Tiabla, via Boing Boing)

Of course, we just had to take the test ourselves–because we are most definitely a couple who could use a “blueprint for happiness.” Here are a few of our findings (don’t worry, we won’t share any details about our “marital congress”):

He Said

These ratings seem just right to me.

My rating for Myself: Very Superior (103 merits - 26 demerits = 77 total)

Fortunately I got points for remembering birthdays and anniversaries, because it didn’t say you had to do anything about them–just remember them. I lost points for not liking to shave and wear a suit (even though I don’t refuse to do it). I also lost points for answering no to “often tells wife that he loves her,” but I could argue that I have written my feelings down in a letter that she can read anytime.

My rating for The Wife: Average (80 merits - 36 demerits = 44 total)

Some of you may think I was too hard on her, but listen–can I help it if I had to subtract points for anything to do with making and serving meals, being in her pajamas for breakfast, and refusing to brush her teeth on nights when she is tired? One of the questions even confirmed what I have always said–that I should be able to expect my wife to be dainty. She should consider herself lucky that “cries, sulks, or pouts too much” only required a 1-point deduction, and that the Wife’s Chart didn’t have a demerit for snoring. She did get points for being thrifty, loving the kids, and being “willing to help husband at office or shop.” And most notably, even though she is married to me, she “praises marriage before young women contemplating it.”

She Said

As you can see, I was a bit more fair and judicious in my scoring.

My rating for Myself: Average (93 merits - 47 demerits = 46 total)

Admittedly, my lack of passion for cooking hurt me a bit here. I did get points for “writes often and lovingly when away from husband” –even though this week during his trip The Donkey complained to me about an annoying, sappy email that I wrote him (2 sentences quickly apologizing for being cranky the day before he left). But I lost points because I sometimes “slow up card games with chatter” (aren’t you supposed to be enjoying people’s company while playing games?) and yes, I’ll admit it, I “fail to wash the top of the milk bottle before opening it.” I must try to correct that.

My rating for The Donkey: Average (101 merits - 47 demerits = 54 total)

I had to admit to a lot of great things about The Donkey. He very often “helps wife with dishes, caring for children, scrubbing.” (Did you know he does all the family grocery shopping–with all three kids in tow?) He’s a steady worker, and takes me on dates (too bad I didn’t get points for always being the one to find the babysitter). He did lose a few points for deferring to his mother too much; he’s not really a Mama’s boy, but he is known for embarrassing me by calling his mom and asking her how to boil water or bake a potato (as if I don’t know). Not surprisingly, most of his points were lost for things like, “teases wife re fatness, slowness” (only 1 demerit?!), or “criticizes wife in public” (welcome to the blog). My favorite point that he got was for being “an interesting entertainer.” My favorite one that he didn’t get was due to his failure to “give his wife ‘movie kisses’ not dutiful peck on cheek.” –I got a kick out of this one, since I actually use the term “movie kiss” regularly to explain my wishes to The Donkey.

In Summary

Although it started out as a silly activity, this was pretty enlightening. The questions may seem irrelevant or outdated, but it was a fun way to spark discussion about what we expect from and value in each other.

(Thanks to Diane from Smart Marriages for publishing this link)