Piping In Cool Air

An obvious way to stay cool is to utilize a ventilation system. Someone mentioned in the comments last time that a husband should leave the bed if it’s too hot. I agree. That is a perfectly acceptable option. Lay down on the floor with your feet near the vent. Wrap yourself in the sheet and then tuck the sheet under your feet. Slide your feet so they pass over the vent and rest them on the other side. (The air should now be blowing on your calves.) If done correctly, your sheet should blow up like a mini planetarium and you will have your own frosty sanctuary.

You can also utilize the vent with a little help from the tubing of toilet paper rolls. If your wife is like mine, you probably have a bunch of these lying around the bedroom and in the bathroom already. I have no idea how she uses so much toilet paper, but it seems like I find an empty roll every other day. First, unravel several rolls and tape them together to form a dome and place it on top of the vent. Cut a circular hole in the top and insert a separate roll. If stable, you can begin to place additional rolls onto the dome to create a long telescope-like structure. Run the tube up to your bed and under your sheets, pillow, pants, or shirt for a nice cool evening. You’ve become Prince of the Pipeline and you have something much more valuable than oil … relief from a veritable human furnace.

Otter Pops To The Rescue

With Summer in full swing, I decided to provide several tips on keeping cool at night. Sleeping next to someone in the Summer heat is no easy task, especially when your bedroom is on the third floor and your thermostat is on the second. My wife always seems to feel cold and likes to sleep with a blanket and curl up next to me, but I just can’t take it in the Summer.

This first idea is inexpensive and relatively easy to implement. Purchase a box of Otter Pops and freeze them as soon as you get home. When you are going to bed that night, grab a few Otter Pops. You now have a few options. First, you could create a frozen barrier by lining the Otter Pops down the middle of the bed. Unlike the Eskimos of yore, your wife will be unlikely to cross the uninhabitable tundra. Second, you could lay the Otter Pops horizontally on the bed in a single column. Place your sheet over the tasty treats and lay down on them. Third, you might simply put a few in the bottom of your pillow case. I’ve heard your head is the key to regulating body heat, so this might be an easy solution.

If things are really bad, you might need to grab a few bags of frozen vegetables or meat. My wife could potentially roll over the Otter Pops, get even colder, and then try harder to get our bodies to generate synergistic heat. With a bag of broccoli and some frozen steaks in her way, your wife will be unable to cross the treacherous conditions.

Feel free to email pictures if you decide to try this, and I will post them on the blog.

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