This month is Get Off The Phone Month. The Donkey provides quick tips for you to get off the phone when you are talking to your wife.

Most of the calls I field from my wife occur at work. I’m not sure if she forgets I have a job or if she just misses me a lot. In any event, I have received up to 10 calls a day from her. This makes it difficult to get work done, so I have another great idea for you. When your wife calls your cell phone, be polite and chat for a bit. Once the conversation gets long (over a minute), call your cell phone from your office phone. Once the call waiting kicks in, let her know that you are getting a call from work and need to go. She will understand and you can get back to work.

The Juggle till you drop method

If you are as spastic as me, you drop your cell phone quite a bit. The result is usually a neat mini explosion that consists of the protective casing flying off your phone while your battery ejects like a little man out of a canon. You then put the phone back together and wait for it to reboot. Dropping your phone is a sure way to get off the phone with your wife, but you don’t want to purposely drop the phone. You really need to have an excuse for dropping it. I like to see how long I can balance my phone by the antenna on one finger while my wife is talking. I also like to answer, “Uh-huh” when my wife says something and then spin my phone in my palm to see if I can complete a revolution. Sometimes I fail and the phone falls and explodes. I love it when this happens because I get off the phone and if my wife asks I can legitimately say,” Oh sorry, I accidentally dropped the phone.” No lying involved and you get a little piece of your life back. Nice!

Many of us have wives who love to talk to us on the phone since we are busy all day. We get calls from them at work, at the store, at school, in the car, with our friends, in the middle of a movie, and the list goes on. I think we should generally entertain phone calls from our wives, but sometimes both you and the cell phone tower near your home need a break.

The I Can’t Turn The Radio Down method

This method should be utilized while in the car. When your wife calls you next, turn up the radio all the way and then answer the phone. You will just be able to hear her yelling to turn the radio down. After yelling “What?” a few times, explain that you can’t hear anything because the radio button is stuck. Tell her you will call her back if you can fix it. When you get home, act annoyed and tell your wife that your ears hurt because the radio was jammed all the way home. She will feel bad, and you can now capitalize on an intermittent radio problem that somehow only occurs when she is trying to call.

This method won’t work when you aren’t in your car, but you can pretend that your phone volume is turned way down and that you can’t hear. You are now covered no matter where you are.