The Accomplice method.

This is another great method, but requires that you have other children to assist. After a dirty diaper is identified, send one of your other children to tell your wife that the baby stinks. You should place both kids near your wife to increase the likelihood of success. Your wife may call you to change the diaper, so be sure to bolt to another part of the house and pretend that you can’t hear the request. NOTE: Do not choose an accomplice who is likely to rat you out. Look for a loyal subject.

The I’ve Gotta Run Method

Sometimes your wife will notice before you that the baby’s diaper needs to be changed. As soon as she asks you to change the diaper yell out, “Oh man, look at the time. I gotta go right now!” You must then exit the house without looking back–It doesn’t matter if you were in the middle of eating breakfast or if you were watching a game on the television. You just get up and walk out. This is especially successful in the morning before work. The minute you hear the question asked, you remember that there is a meeting you need to attend, and you get there quick.

If your wife asks you to change a diaper, calmly walk to the changing supplies. On the way to the supplies, nonchalantly grab your home phone and cell phone. Call your cell phone from your home phone. When it rings cry out, “Oh man, I forgot to tell you. My mom is wondering if we can help her find a doctor’s office online and then give her directions. Do you want to talk to her or change the diaper?” This will definitely work and give you 10 minutes of peace, but you will only be able to do this occasionally. Perhaps you can think of other callers who your wife wouldn’t want to talk to.

The Already Busy Method

This is my favorite method to avoid changing a diaper, but it only works if you smell the diaper first, so be on sniff alert. Once you identify a stinky diaper, you should quickly find another less onerous assignment to complete—like taking out the trash or any other task that requires your hands to be full. Place the baby near your wife without her noticing and quickly grab the trash bag. As you walk away with the garbage, mention nonchalantly, “Do you smell that? Is that the baby’s diaper? Would you mind changing him since my hands are full?” She will most likely oblige, since you are taking the initiative to do a chore. If she declines, you must take a firm stance and respond, “Here then, you take out the trash while I do it.” She most likely won’t call your bluff and will change the diaper. If she does grab the trash bags, then it looks like you better grab a diaper.

Who has tried this trick before and how did it go?

The Dipstick method
This method is a bit risky and a bit underhanded, but it will work.
NOTE: Your child has to be walking for this to be successful.

Once you identify a stinky diaper, locate your wife and ensure that she is busy. After you confirm this, grab the baby’s hand and stick it inside the diaper. Make sure to get a little poo on the fingers. You do not want to risk illness because of ingestion, so just a little is required. Snatch up the baby quickly and run to where your wife is. Without her seeing you, face the baby toward your wife and push the baby forward while making an unidentifiable noise. Your wife will see the baby walking toward her and hopefully notice the poo on the baby’s hand. She will immediately change the diaper, and you will have set the expectation that the baby will be digging inside diapers for months to come, ensuring quick reaction-time on the part of your wife.

NOTE: If your wife isn’t the observant type, you may need to wipe a little poo on the baby’s cheek or forehead for increased visibility.

The Throw Up method.
I haven’t found a lot of success with this method, but I know a lot of guys with naïve wives have been able to use this until the kids are out of diapers. There are a few things to consider. First, you should lay the groundwork before your wife is even pregnant. Let her know that smelly diapers make you vomit. Tell her that you once had to change a diaper when you were a teenager and that you threw up everywhere. Second, get near a baby—maybe a nephew or niece—and stick around until the baby needs to be changed. During the changing, tell your wife that you feel ill, and lay down for a few hours. These few lost hours will prove invaluable later on. Continue to talk about this event several times over the months/years before you have your own kids. Third, when you have your first baby, gag whenever your wife changes the baby. A slow gurgling noise should do the trick, in conjunction with some heaving noises. If you are convincing, you should never have to change a diaper.

It might be too late for some of you to use this advice. Don’t worry though; I have a few tricks in my back pocket for you.