WifeAdvice.com » Great Debate

He Said She Said: What’s Mine is Yours?

The Wife — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 19:18:46 +0000

The results are in for the Pill Popped Debate.

I guess I have learned my lesson. I will never let The Donkey write my side of a debate again!

Apparently, quite a few people think it’s ok to share medicine between spouses. I won’t be flushing old pills down the toilet anymore (what’s the safest way to get rid of them?), but admittedly I will probably continue to be “selfish” with my prescription meds.

Sorry, Donkey… you’re still on your own. And no, I won’t call the doctor to set up your appointment either; you’re a big boy now.

Current Great Debate Standings:

The Donkey: 6: West is Best?; Down on The Farm; Pain in The Hoof; Babysitting Blues; Up in Arms; Pill Popped

The Wife:8: R is For Rudy; I Want to Get Away; A Gaseous Explosion from The Inner Crevasse; Just What I Always Wanted; Wrapped Around Her Finger; Dining Out Dillemma; Name Game; Knot For Boys

Draw: 1: Should The Wife Get a Cell Phone?

He Said She Said: Can A Husband Use Some Of His Wife’s Surplus Medicine?

The Donkey and The Wife — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 18:39:45 +0000

A quick note from The Wife: So, The Donkey is on yet another “Business Trip” (Vacation). Have I ever mentioned that the trips he takes are often optional, and typically he gets to choose when, where, and which trainings/conferences he wants to attend? Well, he just happened to find another one in NYC, which just happens to be close enough for his brothers to drive out and crash his hotel room, eat junk food, and play board games all night… Meanwhile, he just emailed me to request that I put a post up. I of course have nothing but free time here at home with the boys and the new baby, right? So, I found a draft of a post that The Donkey wrote a while ago, while I was busy at the hospital (he was free to post on his own–and he wrote a lot–but didn’t manage to publish much, since he can never quite figure out how to do things without me). He wrote my side of the following argument, and my views aren’t represented accurately, I still think I can win this argument. Why don’t you decide…

Pill Popped

My wife was prescribed a bottle of Percocet after her c-section. She must have only used 3-5 pills and then put the bottle into the medicine basket. A few weeks later I found the pills and said, “Boy, these will come in handy next time I am really sick.” She got very agitated and said that I could not use the pills. Things got heated recently when I became very ill and could not sleep. My brother was over and I was telling him that I would be able to sleep because my wife had some medicine. She got mad, ran up the stairs, locked the door, and flushed the pills. My brother and I were speechless as she came back down with a smile on her face as we heard the tinkling of pills clank down our pipes as they swam off to destroy themselves so no further innocent people could be tempted.

He said

Is sharing medicine really that crazy of an idea? Hasn’t everyone used some of their spouse’s medicine before? You won’t catch me using any of her hormone pills or birth control, but you would catch me using her Penicillin, Ibuprofen, and other common medicines. In fact, she has suggested several times for me to take one of her 800mg Ibuprofen pills when I have had a headache or a sore muscle. If sharing medicine is really that big a deal, then why did she suggest this? Furthermore, why would she save the pills months after she no longer needed them? Clearly The Wife was taking things too far when all I needed was a little break from some terrible chest and head pain. Need I say more?

UPDATE: Good news. Like manna from heaven, I found a bottle of Codeine that was prescribed to me last year when I crashed into a tree on a rope swing. There was a single pill left. Looks like I will be sleeping tonight.

She Said (The Donkey responds for the wife since she is too busy):

Can someone please call poison control and an abuse hot line? My husband must have stability issues right now to think of committing a 3rd degree felony. (I think that is what the crime is, but I’m not sure. I read about it on my friend’s blog and she is pretty smart so it must be accurate.) Clearly he is headed down a road of abuse and criminal activity. In fact, I was watching Oprah and she said there are people who live in vans parked on the sides of streets and they sell this stuff to guys who have headaches and the flu.

My husband makes a great point about the Ibuprofen. I did suggest that he use it, but I think there is a big difference between over-the-counter medicine and prescribed medicine. Oh wait, they were both prescribed. Never mind that. The point is I saw this show called House and the main character got addicted to something because he had some leg pain. My husband said he had his thigh muscle removed, but that doesn’t matter.

At the end of the day you shouldn’t share medicine. The person with the illness most likely opened the bottle and got germs on the lid. Why in the world would we want another person opening this same lid only to have now contracted the illness and really need the very same prescription? It doesn’t make sense.

What do you think? vote in the poll

UPDATE: This poll is now closed. View results here.

He Said She Said: The Wife Can Supply Her Son With Knitting Goods

The Donkey and The Wife — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 03:58:10 +0000

Boys Just Wanna Have Fun

Wow, our last Great Debate we had quite a while ago, and we never posted the results. Unfortunately I took another beating. I never thought so many people would support my son in becoming a knitter. I bought him Legos for his birthday, but I may purchase a knitting kit and some My Little Ponies for Christmas based on the results of the vote. I guess people think it is ok for him to get in touch with his feminine side. I have been struggling to make sense of this logic, but I have identified some positive things about having a son who knits:

He can always stay inside with grandma and keep her company while the other kids are outside doing uncool stuff like playing football, running around, and chasing girls
If his friends ever tear their pants at school, he can swoop right in and mend them
Instead of purchasing a truck, video game, or baseball cards for his friends’ birthday parties, he can make them some cute mittens or booties and probably be the talk of the event
While other kids are wasting time on sports, he and his mom will be up-to-date on all the latest gossip shows and soaps while they knit family blankets together
Parents no longer need to worry about hearing rap or rock blasting in the house. Instead they will enjoy the pleasantries of Kenny G, Wham, Elton John, and on really crazy days, a little Air Supply

I believe that these are just a few of the many factors that helped you decide which way to vote. Congratulations to The Wife on another well deserved victory.

Current Great Debate Standings:

The Donkey: 5: West is Best?; Down on The Farm; Pain in The Hoof; Babysitting Blues; Up in Arms

The Wife:8: R is For Rudy; I Want to Get Away; A Gaseous Explosion from The Inner Crevasse; Just What I Always Wanted; Wrapped Around Her Finger; Dining Out Dillemma; Name Game; Knot For Boys

Draw: 1: Should The Wife Get a Cell Phone?

He Said She Said: Should A Husband and Wife Let Their Son Knit?

The Donkey and The Wife — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 14:11:57 +0000

Knot For Boys?

A couple of weeks ago we bought some knitting kits (latch hook rugs) for The Donkey’s little sisters. They had a lot of fun with them, and spent a lot of time working on them while visiting our home. Our son, Boy Wonder asked if he could have a kit of his own. This is where the debate started…

He said

When I was younger my mom signed my brothers and me up for dance lessons. We took tap, jazz, and ballet every week for nearly the entire school year. With about a month left before the big recital, we finally refused to go to our lessons, and thus ended our dancing days. I was 14 years old and just felt weird about the whole thing. I vowed then and there to never put my sons through the same kind of stuff.

I have nothing against knitting. In fact, I think I still have an afghan my mom made me when I was little. But I do have a problem with little 6 year old boys knitting. It just seems strange. I can’t imagine coming home and seeing my son sitting on some lawn chair knitting booties for the neighborhood kids. My wife’s argument is that it helps his dexterity, but certainly we can find other activities for him to do to help with this. Starting fires, playing the guitar, and creating Lego creations are all ways to help develop those skills. Holding everything else constant, wouldn’t I choose for my sons to do boy things and for my daughters to do girl things? My wife has never suggested for my son to receive a My Little Pony toy or a pink dress, so why have him start a hobby that is predominantly female based?

She Said

C’mom, let’s get serious. This obviously isn’t an issue at all. I think boys and girls typically are drawn to different things–for various reasons–but that doesn’t mean that there is a problem with a little cross-over. If we had a daughter, we would have no problem if she wanted to play sports or set up a little town and play cars and trains with the boys. If I were to buy a latch hook rug kit for our son, I would bring him to the store and let him pick one out; most likely he would pick one out that had a pattern of a dog or a car on it.

Why would it be bad for a boy to spend a little time making something, instead of sitting around the house watching tv or playing computer games? I happen to know that The Donkey spent a large portion of his childhood watching musicals, and he always wanted an Easy-Bake oven of his own; clearly he still managed to come out on the chauvinist-pig side of things, right?

What do you think? Cast your vote below…

This poll is now closed. Click here for results.

He Said She Said: Wife To Receive Baby Naming Priveleges

The Donkey — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 14:29:41 +0000

Disgrace

We finally set up our Twitter feed (see our announcement below)– and just in time too. Today we find out if we are having a boy or girl. I will twitter the event during the ultrasound. This is a big deal since all of the grandchildren on my side are boys (currently 9 in a row). We have 3 of them, but luck might run out today, and I could be the first to disgrace the family. Tune in today at 10 am.

I guess I was already disgraced this week by the results of the poll. I thought I proposed such a great way to decide the names for our kids, but look what happened. Barring some miracle, my wife will get to choose the baby’s name. I just don’t think I can get used to Shane, Rusty, or Butch. The good news is that I may have talked her into letting the readers decide the name, so keep your fingers crossed.

Back to twittering. We plan on twittering several events, namely the delivery of this next baby. This will help those husbands who have never experienced the grossness of a delivery. Someone has been spreading that it is a magnificent event, but I am here to tell you that it is nasty! More to come in late October/early November…

I will also try to twitter on other occasions:

While I am getting yelled at by my wife
While I am doing household chores for my wife
While I spy on my wife at the gym
While my wife is eating
While I respond to difficult questions posed by my wife
While my wife plucks whiskers

Anyway, I’m sure twittering will cause me marital pain at times, but it’s for the good of the blog and will get some more marriage advice out there.

Current Great Debate Standings:

The Donkey: 5: West is Best?; Down on The Farm; Pain in The Hoof; Babysitting Blues; Up in Arms

The Wife: 7: R is For Rudy; I Want to Get Away; A Gaseous Explosion from The Inner Crevasse; Just What I Always Wanted; Wrapped Around Her Finger; Dining Out Dillemma; Name Game

Draw: 1: Should The Wife Get a Cell Phone?

He Said She Said: Should the Husband or Wife Choose the Baby’s Name?

The Donkey and The Wife — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 14:32:26 +0000

Name Game

It’s been a while since we held a debate here, but that doesn’t mean we’ve stopped disagreeing with each other. Today’s debate is fresh and still unresolved: Who should get to name our next child?

He Said
My wife is pregnant and this Friday we find out if it is a boy or girl. She insists that she is choosing the name no matter what. We have 3 boys already, and my wife claims that I have chosen the names for all 3. But this isn’t true. I have simply suggested 3 great names so far – all of which she has agreed to and liked. I never forced my wife to stick with the names. She could have thought of better names and I would have gone with them. I have been trying to reason with her over the last few weeks, but she is simply refusing to budge.

I recently told her that if she refuses to negotiate a name, then I will refuse to call the child by the name she chooses. Last week I was thinking about how crazy this is, and I offered a compromise: If we have a girl, I will let my wife choose the first name, but I would like to choose the middle name. If it is a boy, then I will choose the first name and she can choose the middle name. Is this not reasonable? I am not sure how this isn’t fair for both of us.

I should mention that she will point out that two of our kids’ names are the same as my brothers’ and one the other is the same as a good friend of mine, but that doesn’t really mean much. We have chosen very common names (Tommy, Michael, and David), so there are bound to be people with the same names. Plus I am pretty sure that she suggested ‘David’ at one point anyway.

I now plead to you, oh wise decision makers. Let the past be the past because we aren’t historians and can’t accurately relate who said what regarding our children’s names. Let’s move forward and do things fairly.

She Said

The past is the past, and fortunately I can accurately remember it all. The deal The Donkey is offering is the same deal he offered when we had our first baby. Before the ultrasound he got me to agree that he would pick the name for a boy, but I could pick one for a girl. And that is exactly what we did. For the next two children, we didn’t have that official deal, but he has always had the naming privilege, simply due to the fact that he would veto each and every name that I suggested. For each child, I have researched and made lists of names. I would work on the list until I came up with 10-15 names that I was willing to consider. The Donkey, on the other hand has written down two names and said, “these are the only choices I will agree to.” And, like he said, so far all three names have been based on one of his brothers or best friends.

Also, the fact that I have agreed to and been happy about the names is just an example of my willingness to make things work. Contrary to The Donkey’s statement, NONE of the names were suggested by me, and some of them were names I had negative associations with–but I was willing to let the negative feelings go in order to love my kids’ names.

As always, this is a very simple case. It’s my turn. I should get to choose this child’s name, regardless of whether it’s a girl or a boy. I am at least willing to give The Donkey very limited veto power. I will make a list of names, then narrow it down to 2-3 that I like. He can tell me if he is vehemently opposed to one of those names, but other than that, the choice should be mine.

What do you think? Cast your vote below to help us decide…

Update: This poll has been closed. See results here.

He Said She Said: A Husband Has a Right to Shave

The Wife — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 13:07:23 +0000

Disarmed

The votes have been tallied in the Arm Shaving Debate:

Well, sad but true–I don’t get to force The Donkey to keep the hair on his arms. I know I can’t force him to do anything, but I would hope that he would just honor my preferences. I must admit I’ve learned a lesson here; typically when The Donkey pesters me about shaving my legs I pay little attention to him, and just recite my little speech about how long it takes to shave my legs and how much of a hurry I’m always in to get out of the shower so as to minimize the damage that the kids are doing to the house in the meantime. I suppose that if I expect some courtesy on the arm-shaving issue I should be a little more courteous when it comes to my prickly legs.

Current Great Debate Standings:

The Donkey: 5: West is Best?; Down on The Farm; Pain in The Hoof; Babysitting Blues; Up in Arms
The Wife: 6: R is For Rudy; I Want to Get Away; A Gaseous Explosion from The Inner Crevasse; Just What I Always Wanted; Wrapped Around Her Finger; Dining Out Dillemma
Draw: 1: Should The Wife Get a Cell Phone?


Related Posts: A Hairy Issue; Stubble Trouble

He said She said: Should Husband Shave His Arms Against Wife’s Wishes?

The Donkey and The Wife — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 18:10:47 +0000

Up in Arms

He Said

A few months ago my brother and I shaved our arms. It was partly motivation for us to work out more because it somehow accentuates our arm muscles and partly because I got sick of ripping off the Band Aid after donating plasma – it always hurts so much as it rips my hair out. My wife got very angry when she saw my arms and told me never to shave them again. I didn’t know what the big deal was and still don’t. Last week I decided to shave my arms again. Four days passed and I said to my wife, “Hey, you didn’t notice my shaved arms this time.” Suddenly bedlam broke loose and she was extremely angry again that I had shaved my arms. “What’s the big deal? They are my arms.”

I don’t think my wife should have the final say on what I do with my arm hair. I don’t even think she should decide what hairstyle I have on my head. When she gets her hair cut she asks for my input, but the final decision is hers, and I think that is the right approach. My main argument is that I ask her to do and not to do plenty of things that affect her physical appearance, but my pleas go on deaf ears. I can’t even imagine what her argument will be, but my guess is that she will threaten to grow her leg hair out or something, claiming that I don’t have a say regarding the hair on her legs. That’s fine because she never shaves them anyway and ends up stabbing me all night with her stubble.

She Said

Let’s be clear here. I am not claiming that I should have complete control over The Donkey’s looks. Anyone who has met us can attest to the fact that I have very little say in his choice of clothing or hairstyle. I did not interfere when he wanted to grow out his hair and shave up the sides–even though it wasn’t the 90s and he wasn’t in high school anymore. Once or twice, I have helped him apply the hair dye that turned his hair an orangey-blonde, even though I don’t really care for orangey-blonde hair. When friends and family members repeatedly ask me why The Donkey always wears big, baggy, worn out sweats, I don’t complain; I just say, “that’s what he likes, so that’s what he wears.”

But the other day when my husband pointed out that he had shaved his arms again, I was simply stunned. I don’t know if bedlam is the right word for it, but I will admit that a door was slammed and a voice was raised. I was so shocked that The Donkey had completely ignored the wishes and preferences that I had made very clear during the first arm-shaving episode. That had been upsetting on so many levels–I happen to think men look better with hair on their arms, especially if said men have pasty-white skin that is often on the dry, flaky side. I also don’t really enjoy watching other men hit on my husband at the gym–especially when I’m working out with him–so the more he can do to prevent that, the better. And the stubble is an issue as well. I must admit, I have gained a new appreciation for the fact that it is simply unpleasant to be stabbed with prickly skin in the middle of the night. (Incidentally, the remedy for prickly skin is not more shaving, but less! I get complaints about my leg stubble immediately after shaving them, not after neglecting them for weeks.)

Bottom line: I rarely attempt to dictate anything about The Donkey’s looks, so I don’t think it’s too much to make a specific, simple request and expect it to be respected.

What do you think? Cast your vote in the poll below.

Update: This poll has been closed. See results here.

Related Posts: A Hairy Issue; Stubble Trouble

He Said She Said: The Wife Deserves a Raise

The Donkey — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 05:40:35 +0000

Hunger Strike

The results are in for our Great Allowance Debate

It’s once again clear to me that my supporters did not show up for this debate. I did get feedback that the wording of the question and choices made it virtually impossible to not vote for my wife. Her clever wording has proven effective many times. Perhaps I will write the question and answers next time. I still maintain that I need more money than my wife and kids combined. Increase their money; I have no problem with that, but if their amount goes up then mine better too! I miss 8-9 meals at home each week because of work and school, but I guess you guys think I can live on sandwiches and apples. Maybe I’ll try sandwiches for a week and report back…

The Donkey: 4: West is Best?; Down on The Farm; Pain in The Hoof; Babysitting Blues
The Wife: 6: R is For Rudy; I Want to Get Away; A Gaseous Explosion from The Inner Crevasse; Just What I Always Wanted; Wrapped Around Her Finger; Dining Out Dillemma
Draw: 1: Should The Wife Get a Cell Phone?


Related Posts: Please Pass The PB & J; Should Husbands and Wives Share Money or Keep Separate Bank Accounts; Quick Tips: Money Skimming

He Said She Said: Should a Husband and Wife have an Equal Allowance?

The Donkey and The Wife — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 15:03:56 +0000

Dining Out Dilemma

We are not the richest people in the world; we have enough to meet our needs, and a bit more for extras. We are fairly budget conscious and have spending limits set for various categories–food, clothing, dates, etc. One area that gives us trouble is our weekly personal eating out allowance. As The Donkey has mentioned before, we are each allowed $10 for random food purchases during the week–this includes things like fast food, a candy bar, or a Slurpee. It is separate from our spending limit for other food purchases like groceries or going out to dinner together. Today’s debate is whether or not The Wife should get an increase in her weekly eating out allowance, since she usually has to buy food for the kids as well.

He Said: It’s not fair

You might be thinking that this is an open and shut debate, but hear me out. Ten dollars should be more than enough to cover incidental food purchases for my wife and the children. It may seem like I get more to spend on myself, but that’s how it should be–I will always need to spend more than her. And here’s why: first, I am not just sitting around hordes of food in my office. In fact, technically I don’t think I can have food in my office. The luxury of pulling out some bon bons while watching tv isn’t something afforded to me. Second, sometimes I forget or don’t have time to make lunch. Most people at work have wives who make their lunch, but that is another luxury not afforded to me. I am fine with that, but my allowance needs to be a little higher since there are times when lunch doesn’t get made. Third, part of work is socializing. I need to go out with the guys and build relationships that will enable me to get work done. One group of work friends bring lunch while the other buys lunch. I need to intermingle with these groups. Finally, I go straight from work to school at least 3 nights a week and have done so for quite a few years. I don’t think I could mentally stand eating peanut butter sandwiches for lunch and dinner. I don’t have an oven or personal fridge that I can utilize, so I can I make a variety of foods each day? Given these constraints, I find it quite amazing that my average weekly food spending in 2007 was close to $8/week – this is true, my wife ran the numbers. So if my wife truly needs an increase, then so do I–I will always need more than she needs.

She Said: Is this a joke?

Do I even need to write anything?! It is actually pretty rare that I go out to eat during the day, but when I do, I certainly need more money than The Donkey. Let’s not forget that wherever I go I have 3 little boys with me. And little boys don’t usually like it when you eat in front of them without buying them anything. Of course my budget should include extra money for their needs. As for The Donkey’s arguments–you should know that he gets free lunch at work at least once a week, and often more. In fact, he gets taken out to business lunches so often, that when our date night does roll around, he is typically not even in the mood to eat at a restaurant. I have offered to make him lunches, but he refuses to eat sandwiches. He also has makes regular trips to Costco, where he stocks up on snacks for the stash that he does have in his office (these snacks come out of our grocery budget). Clearly, he is using his food allowance so he can socialize with friends. I am using my money for those days when I am out and about and can’t get home by lunch time and little kids are screaming from hunger. Clearly, I need more money than a donkey who just likes to dine in style.

What do you think? Now that you’ve heard both sides, vote in the poll below.

UPDATE: This poll is now closed. View results here.