What effect does a couple’s bed size have on their intimacy?

I had a dream.

A profound statement if you are trying to rid the world of racism, but a dangerous statement for a husband. This is especially dangerous if the dream includes a woman other than the husband’s wife.

Have any of you husbands out there been reprimanded for your dreams?

One of my favorite Simpsons episodes is when Homer gains a bunch of weight so he can claim a disability and work from home. He ends up wearing a disgusting muumuu because he can’t fit into any of his clothes.

Now, I’m sure most of us would agree that a muumuu outside of the house is probably not the best choice here in the United States, but what about at home? Do you think a wife should wear a muumuu at home on a regular basis? I’m not talking about wearing a muumuu once in a while. I’m talking about utilizing it as an everyday piece of garb. My friend and his wife were debating this and I’m not sure which side to take. Leave a comment and let me know what you think. That includes you lurkers too!

The picture below depicts Homer wearing a standard muumuu.

Question:

If you had to pick, would you choose a woman with a moderate amount of facial hair (not peach fuzz, I’m talking whiskers) or would you choose a woman with a noticeable snaggletooth (think Jewel/Kirsten Dunst)?

[Women, feel free to share your experiences if you are currently advertising or have previously advertised one of these fine offers.]

My grandmother recently passed away at a care center. While walking out of the care center, my grandfather stepped off a curb, fell, and shattered his hip. Unfortunately, he was still in the hospital when his wife’s funeral was held. My dad promised to record the whole thing so my grandfather could watch it later. The only problem is that the video didn’t record properly. My grandfather is slightly senile, but he is “with it” just enough to remember that he wants to watch the video when he comes home.

The Proposal

My dad has enlisted my help in staging a funeral and videotaping it. I think this is possible: all we need is an accommodating funeral parlor, creative video work, and a few stand ins. My wife thinks this idea is preposterous.

What do you think?

Is it ok to stage a funeral to provide closure for someone who has lost a loved one?

Question:

Should you tell your spouse when they have bad breath? What if you are out in public?

Speak up in the comments.

Question:

What do you think is the appropriate amount of PDA* between a couple?

Let us know in the comments.

*PDA=Public Displays of Affection

Can a husband call it “babysitting” when he’s watching his own children?

Give us your take in the comments.

Related post: Marriage Advice–When Your Wife Says You Won’t be in Trouble

Here’s a chance for YOU to give the advice.

Question:

What amount of preening (popping zits, plucking hairs…) is acceptable between spouses?

Share your thoughts in the comments.

What would it be like to travel with The Donkey and The Wife? A couple brave friends of ours decided to find out, and now they’re sharing what they learned…

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We had the privilege (yes, privilege) of spending almost 4 days with The Donkey and The Wife as we traveled back East to see some baseball games. We thought that we could provide some readers with added insight into the life of this most curious creature.

Top Ten: Things You Might Have Never Cared to Know About The Donkey:

10. The Donkey is willing to eat almost anything for money. It doesn’t have to be a lot of money, either. After hearing the story of him licking a Taco Bell floor for $1, we almost dared him to lick the floor of a New York subway train, but we were afraid that he would actually do it.

9. He has a not-so-secret crush on Jenny Jones. Yes, THE Jenny Jones (think lie detectors, boot camps, paternity tests, dramatic makeovers, etc). We believe that he actually used to term “hot” to describe her. We sense a future blog posting from the Donkey: “All I really need to know in life I learned from Jenny Jones.”

8. We heard many stories from his younger, pre-ball-and-chain-years. In his youth, he had an obsession with doing obscene/gross things with body hair. We won’t go into the where, what, and most importantly WHY of this obsession, so we will just let your imaginations run wild on this one.

7. He has a tongue to rival Gene Simmons. Seriously. It is insanely long, and curls up pointedly at the tip. It is almost to the point of being gross, but we were so fascinated that we kept on staring. He could make money at a Kentucky State Fair with this one.

6. He plays Boggle extremely well (isn’t that something that only ladies 55 years and older play?). Think Peggy Hill. Maybe he and Jenny Jones could get together on this one.

5. The entire time that were with them, The Donkey walked at least 10 feet in front of The Wife. We have no idea why he did this. Was he ashamed of The Wife? Was he ashamed of us? Is he just one of those fast-walker types? He looked like a teenager trying to avoid being seen with his parents at the mall.

4. He likes to snuggle with The Wife when cold. Yes, snuggle. We were surprised by the blatant PDA, also, but we have a photograph to prove it. Maybe The Donkey has an affectionate side that he is hiding…or maybe he just gets cold easily and finds warmth in the flesh-on-flesh connection.

3. Like other Donkeys, he is not afraid be a beast of burden. He carried his wife’s purse on many occasions and was not the least bit embarrassed to do it. He did carry it at his side, though, almost dragging it on the pavement, as if hinting to every thug that we passed by, “Please steal this from me.”

2. For you avid WifeAdvice readers we can confirm that The Donkey does, indeed, wear sweats as his preferred clothing. We might add that these are NOT cool, trendy athletic wear, or sexy lounge pants that you might find at the Gap or Adidas. These are old fashioned, gray, worn out, elastic at the ankles and waist, 1980’s style sweats. We think that on the day that they went to a Broadway show (yes, the wife must have won that battle) he “dressed up” and wore a pair of old jeans with a t-shirt.

1. We can confirm some of his miserly ways (he calls it saving money). We stayed with an old friend of his, whom The Donkey had not seen in something like 8 years. The Donkey offered to buy the guy a bagel, which is a thoughtful gesture. However, we have strong belief that he refused to pay for cream cheese. Come on! After how many years? A bagel?

We could go on about him falling asleep at the drop of a hat, his aversion to sharing food, and his detest of people saying “thank you”. However, hopefully, these things will add another layer of depth into this most complicated creature.

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Thanks to our friends for coming along with us and taking such copious notes!