WifeAdvice.com

You made your bed..

I decided to provide my own answer to my last question regarding bed size and level of intimacy. Is there a correlation? The simple answer is yes. However, from the comments on this site and from discussions with friends, it seems like there is a clear division in opinion: some believe the smaller bed produces higher levels of intimacy and others believe the larger bed produces higher levels.

I’ve illustrated the two scenarios below. (click to see larger version)

In the smaller bed we find the couple close together with really nowhere to run [Note the fear on the husband's face as he foresees the inevitable]. I recognize that intimacy in a small bed may not be that likely in the summer, especially if you don’t have air conditioning. Who isn’t irritable when some sweaty creature touches her stubbly legs to yours? Yuck! This is supported by the fact that most babies–in the U.S. at least– are born in the summer months. The small bed sees the most action when it’s cold, 9 months earlier.

In the second scenario we find the couple spread out as far as possible. To the woman’s surprise she can’t find her husband in the dark. It turns out that he’s hiding on the other side of the bed in the opposite corner [Again, note the fear on the husband's face, only this time it's because he thinks he might be found].

Based on my informal study I have determined that larger beds see less action, regardless of weather conditions. There are several possibilities for this including:

• scared husbands purposely buy large beds so they can hide
• people who can afford large beds don’t have time for intimacy
• large beds are typically creakier since they are damaged more easily through the moving process and thus used less often
• large beds are typically owned by larger people who may be less intimate than smaller people
• large beds are covered by even more pillows and decorations than smaller beds making it impossible to even get into the bed

These are just ideas; I have no supporting data.

So next time you visit your friends’ house or your parents’ house, check out the bedroom and take note of the bed size. I think you’ll find that on this point I’m right more often than not.