Prisoner’s Dilemma: A Marriage Scenario
Leading the witness
I’m not a prisoner and don’t want to be even though marriage may feel like that for some people. Other people of course, not me. And this situation doesn’t really fit the classic definition of a prisoner’s dilemma. And I’m certainly not a witness.
But I do feel like I am close to being held captive. And this is a dilemma. And I do feel like I am being led down a dark path.
While driving in the car yesterday my wife suddenly said, “You have an opportunity to score some points. You can say something nice.”
As feeling slowly left my legs and my stomach rolled like the ocean, I desperately tried to interpret this. Why didn’t she just tell me what happened so I could praise her? We both could have won. Instead, she gave me the opportunity to win big or lose big. The crazy thing is that if I lose she will be angry and also lose. I guess the payout is good for her if I can imagine up whatever she wants me to say – she would be really happy.
“Well, you did a great job organizing the office,” I said. “Was that it?” She replied with a no. ” I then pleaded, “Why don’t you give me a hint so I can try to be your mind.” She was a little annoyed and said to forget it. Just then we got interrupted.
I ask you now, what could she have meant? I need some ideas before she asks me again. I don’t think it had to do with looks because she just mentioned that she hasn’t had a haircut for a while and her clothes looked pretty standard. It must be something she accomplished.
8 Responses to “Prisoner’s Dilemma: A Marriage Scenario”
Best in such a case would be to praise a general thing – like how you were proud of the way she handled the kids during the vacation when you didn’t have enough time, and she even took the time to consider your needs at work.
This way, you say something nice and don’t fall into the trap of the need to say exactly what she wants to hear.
Tsahi
By Tsahi Levent-Levi on Sep 12, 2010
There isn’t a lot of hope here. You need to tell her she looks nice. If that isn’t what she wants you can tell her that her beauty overshadowed everything else
By Jim on Sep 14, 2010
Was it really out of nowhere? Was there a specific song on the radio, or did you drive by a meaningful place? Don’t just praise her with random things-I think you’ll come off looking clueless. If you really can’t think of it just tell her so; Beg for hints, and you can always just fall back on being a man and not noticing everything she does. You’re a big picture kinda guy.
By Christie on Oct 1, 2010
Sadly the advice came too late. It turns out I was supposed to notice that she set up job charts for the kids. They have been very helpful but how was I to know that’s what she was referring to?
By The Donkey on Oct 13, 2010
Has she lost weight or been exercising consistently? BTW Happy Birthday!
By sjb on Oct 14, 2010
You should lie to your stupid wife, because great relationships are built on lies!
By Dan on Feb 15, 2011
You are really clueless if you didn’t notice your OWN children’s chore charts posted!! And probably in a very obvious place as well! You, sir, and the proverbial…..donkey!!
By mdb on Apr 20, 2011
How long have you been married that these games still need to be played. These are things I may have done to my husband 10 years ago. Now we’ve been married just over 20 years and I haven’t felt the need to make him read my mind in a long time. Wives, and husbands alike, need to communicate better and not expect things to be so obvious to the other. A simple, “Honey, did you notice how great the kids have been with their chores since I put out the job chart?” Then, you could have said (whether it’s true or not), “Yes, Babe, that was a great idea.” Everyone wins!
By Marixi on Apr 28, 2011