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Purse strings attached

Hoodwinked: To be taken in by deceptive means; deceived.

Wardrobe: A collection of clothing belonging to one person.

Can I have those words in a sentence? Sure. Let’s break it down though:

I waged war against my wife’s drobe after her new sweatshirt with a hood winked at me as I stared at the sheer volume of freshly purchased clothing on the floor.

Background
Last week my wife asked me to watch our kids for 3 days so she could have some girl time with her sisters and mom who were in town. I agreed and anxiously awaited the return of my dear wife.

Scenario – Detective Donkey surveys the following scene and uses experienced husband intuition and logic to crack the case.

Saturday, 4:15 p.m. My wife enters the home struggling to carry her duffel bag and 6 enormous shopping bags with new clothes. She mentioned that she was going to purchase a few things, despite the agreement we had which clearly stated that new clothes would be purchased once she reached her goal weight, but I was not prepared for her definition of a few things. The following conversation is true and accurate to the best of my memory.

Donkey: What’s all this?
Wife: I knew you would say that. Don’t worry. I can justify every purchase in those bags, from the sandals and shoes to the pants and shirts. I didn’t buy anything I didn’t need.
Donkey (Reaches into a shopping bag, randomly pulls out an item, notes price tag): $25 for a rainbow colored beach bag?!?!
Wife: Wait, hold on… before you start talking about prices… A lot of the things I bought were not actually the price that you see.  I got a bunch of things on sale, and some of the discounts you won’t be able to see on the tags.
Donkey: So how much was this bag?
Wife (Nervously laughs): Uh, well it was $25 actually.
Donkey: And the justification?
Wife (Nervously laughs again): Well it’s kind of hard to explain.  But I really do need it. But everything else is stuff I needed even more.  And the prices really are lower than what you’ll see.
Donkey (Walks off victoriously): I think my work here is done.

Suburbia is safe again. Detective Donkey has solved the unsolvable. It will be a long time before this Sultan of Spending strikes again.

UPDATE: My wife and I have since had another conversation on this topic which is equally amusing.