Squatting: Changing The Way You Do Business
Porcelain Point of Contention
Ever walk into a room and been completely surprised? Sure. Ever walk into the bathroom and been completely surprised? Of course. Every time I see the hair straightener on the counter still turned on after ten hours of not being used. Ever go to use the toilet and been surprised at what your body is telling you to do? If you are a female, you are probably nodding in the affirmative. If you are a male, you are probably completely confused if this has never come up in your marriage.
Situation: I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth. My wife decided to infiltrate the room and sat on the toilet. Suddenly she yelled, “Quick. Get out!”
Confused, I asked, “What’s happening?” I was thrown out only later to hear an explanation from my wife. “Sorry. I thought I just needed to pee, but then realized something else had to happen.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked. She then explained that whenever she sits down on the toilet she is surprised by what her body might require: maybe it’s to pee, maybe poo, and maybe just some gas. My mind was blown. I always know exactly what is going to happen when I enter the bathroom. In fact, my mind subconsciously develops a plan and I am in and out of there with great efficiency. I know some guys go into the bathroom with a magazine and a plan to stay for an hour, but the fact remains, they have a plan and they know what the future holds.
My wife said, “Things would be totally different if you had to sit down every time you had to pee. You would wouldn’t always know what would happen next.” We have argued about this for several years, but I am finally ready to resolve this debate.
Challenge: For one week I will sit down on the toilet every time I need to go to the bathroom, no matter what my initial plan is. I will then document the experience and provide a report to you. Men, feel free to join me in this challenge. The more data points the better. Please document your experiences in the comment section. Let’s not get too graphic though. I have a high suspicion that this oddity is either unique to my wife or to women in general.
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9 Responses to “Squatting: Changing The Way You Do Business”
Ewww.
By Nancy Sabina on Jan 27, 2010
uh…i have been a girl my whole life and i have no idea what she is talking about!
I know exactly what’s getting ready to happen…
Sorry Donkey’s Wife…I am usually on your side!
By crystal carter on Jan 28, 2010
I agree with Sabina. I’ve never had that problem either. I always know what’s going to happen…
By Brittany on Jan 28, 2010
Thanks to all my female supporters. I am now confirming what I already knew. I do regret starting this yesterday because I am at a conference and I have to carry a bag full of garbage around. I have to put my stuff on the floor in the stall. GROSS! How do you ladies do it? Maybe your stalls are better equipped. This is a nightmare.
By The Donkey on Jan 28, 2010
I have met women who also say they are surprised on the pot. I would also like to address the fact that some women seem to have their need to use the bathroom suddenly spring upon them. I have seen several women go from walking normally one second to frantically searching for a bathroom almost in tears the next second, how can you not feel the urge coming?
By phillyz on Jan 29, 2010
In my informal poll, I think the Wife is on her own on this one. I opted to NOT join the Donkey in his experiment as I have not yet mastered the art of “hovering” in public restrooms and the alternative is just too risky.
By karlmalone on Jan 30, 2010
I’d have to say I know what I need to do before I go so I am in agreement that is a unique situation for your wife.
By Kairy on Feb 14, 2010