A Simple Question Leads To Domestic Disturbance
Lesson 31: What’s cookin good lookin?
While chatting with coworkers at lunch recently, we discovered something we all had in common: there is a simple, easy-to-answer question that we are not allowed to ask our wives. The question is so basic yet has the power to ignite rage in a matter of milliseconds.
Lesson 31: DO NOT come home and ask your wife “What’s for dinner?”
I have been asking this question for years and have received the same answer for years. The conversation goes like this:
Donkey: What’s for dinner?
Wife: I don’t know. What are you planning?
Donkey: I didn’t really think about it at work.
Wife: Neither did I.
Usually things kind of end and I make some food so I can keep peace in the house. Sometimes things escalate to Round 2. This happened the other day. I took the bait and continued the conversation:
Donkey: Well, maybe I can come home at 4pm from now on to ensure that I have time to prepare dinner so kids aren’t starving.
Wife: Sounds like a good idea.
Donkey: How come you get angry when I ask this question?
Wife: Because you assume it’s my job to make dinner.
Donkey: Well, uh, if it’s not yours whose would it be?
Wife: It’s no one’s job. You can’t just ask me like the burden is on me. I just don’t like how you ask.
Donkey: So how should I ask this question.
Wife: You could say, “What should we have for dinner” or “Are there plans for dinner?”
Donkey: (thinks to himself, “What’s the difference?”)
So the next day I say, “What’s the plan for dinner?” This sparks the same discussion and she gets upset. The next day I try again:
Donkey: What’s… um. Wait. How should we plan dinner…for…kids…food. How do I word this again???”
Wife: You know what to say. Don’t be stupid.
Donkey: Ok. I’ll just go make spaghetti.
My suggestion: I still don’t have a handle on this, but I am taking suggestions. Definitely don’t ask the question and definitely don’t ask for alternative ways to ask the question because it gets confusing and you’ll be worse off. What has worked for you?
21 Responses to “A Simple Question Leads To Domestic Disturbance”
I have a suggestion. I’m in the mood for Mexican tonight. Thanks!
By The Wife on Aug 3, 2009
Here’s my suggestion–”Hey honey, how about some take-out tonight?” or call before leaving the office and saying, “I’m thinking about picking up some pizza on the way home. Does that sound good to you?”
There’s really no good way to ask that question, but for the record it goes both ways. My husband is usually home during the day, and I haven’t figured out a good way to ask him that question (though, I must admit, he doesn’t get nearly as upset as The Wife, but maybe it’s because he doesn’t get asked that question every day either…).
By Sandy on Aug 3, 2009
i love nancy’s idea! cafe rio is a great choice…
By sara kelley on Aug 3, 2009
This is why I live on 3 min microwave dinners and protein shakes. And lets face it…kis only eat chicken nuggets and mack and cheese anyway…also ready in 3 mins.
By Renee on Aug 3, 2009
Usually when we have that fight at my house it’s because it has been too long since my husband took the initiative to cook dinner himself. Every once in awhile I don’t need to be consulted at all, especially if I have done the majority of the cooking. I just want him to be a little bit thoughtful instead of taking for granted that I will keep being his cook.
By Alyssa on Aug 3, 2009
I have a suggestion. You could surprise your wife every night for the next three to four nights by simply making dinner without even being asked. Now here is the trick, every night you make spaghetti for dinner. Use products that are slightly palatable. After the third or fourth night she will be anxious to make dinner without being asked. If she asks you to make something else, tell her okay and make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Keep it very simple. She will lose interest very fast in having you cook.
By Adam on Aug 4, 2009
It took a while for my tongue to heal (by the way, what is the equivalent to biting your tongue in the internet world?). I want to personally scold Adam for letting the cat out of the bag. That technique works for numerous things, and has been kept a secret amongst the order of husbands for centuries. Now Mrs. Mustachio will be questioning if I truly am that horrible at laundry, home improvement projects, doing dishes, auto repairs, dressing kids, changing diapers, etc.
As far as the meals go, I recommend that one night a week the husband and wife sit down and plan a weeks worth of meals according to what coupons are in the paper. The wife will usually balk at the idea, and the husband has a valid excuse.
By Mr. Mustachio on Aug 4, 2009
I asked that horrible, awful question once. I had no idea it would be offensive. I’d been at school working on projects until about 9:30 and was starving. I came home hoping something would be microwaveable. I’m sure I could’ve called ahead and had better luck.
I usually just grab a sandwich or quick snack now if things aren’t ready when I get home. My wife is pretty good about asking for help/takeout when she needs it.
By Andy on Aug 4, 2009
I agree with Mr. Mustachio except for his final comment. My wife would love it for me to sit down with her and plan out our meals a week advanced based on the coupons we have.
By MoJoePotato on Aug 5, 2009
I cook, she cleans up.
If she cooks, I clean up.
That way, the meal ‘tasks’ get split up.
How do we decide? I like cooking, and I hate doing dishes. So generally, I cook dinner.
By Daniel Cox on Aug 8, 2009
I fully understand that dinner responsibilities should be shared, but the owner of the process should be the person who manages the in-house affairs. Think of this as a project with a project manager and potential assignees, certainly the project manager could self-assign tasks but what is really required of a project manager is that the project gets completed.
What I do not understand is if tempers are raised in the asking of the question. If the project is being managed then inquiry into the process or assignees should be welcomed or generally published. These priciples of ownerships of processes could hold true for income generation, spritual instruction, dinner making, baby changing or any other family responsibilites.
By karlmalone on Aug 20, 2009
I’d tell her it’s “make your own dinner” night. I would then tell her what one course meal I was going to make for myself (something she would find disghusting) I would then offer if she would like me to make enough for everyone!
By tom on Aug 28, 2009
My husband has solved this age-old issue by calling me before he leaves his office for home. It’s about an hour’s drive so he’ll call to see if I need him to pick up anything. Then he’ll ask if I’ve got anything planned for dinner or should he either grab something for himself, pick up something for the family, or be able to either eat or reheat leftovers when he gets home. To me, it’s just a considerate thing to do, so I have no problem with cooking the meals! I know that if I don’t feel like it sometimes, it’s no biggie and he’ll cover it. We women hate to feel taken for granted… therein lies the key.
By Polly on Sep 6, 2009
My wife has not made dinner once in as long as I can remember. I get up with the kids, feed them, get them ready for school, take them to school, then I get a call after a couple hours when they’re home to see when I am leaving the office, when I get home I play with the kids, feed them, bathe them, get them ready for bed, put them to bed and then make dinner.
I don’t even ask what’s for dinner. It’s whatever I want. FML.
By Joe on Sep 10, 2009
What if she just can’t decide and your willing to cook anything? Pick up anything? I am ready to eat!
By jy on Sep 11, 2009
I have a suggestion that’s sure to work: Don’t ask any kind of question regarding that night’s dinner! =D
By Clueless Newlywed on Sep 22, 2009
why isn’t she barefoot in the kitchen already. what a bunch of chumps all ya all- what do think money is just burning in a whole in the guys pocket waiting to be spent on take out. what ever happened to the days of a nice hot meal waiting for the hard working bread winner?
By phillyz on Sep 23, 2009
don’t ask. don’t suggest. don’t open your mouth unless food is placed in front of you too eat. You might end up starving. If by 8 PM there is no food, then go out and buy some, or order some over the phone…Its not about who’s job it is.
By Danny on Oct 8, 2009
Cooking is the greatest problem in our family. My imagination and cooking talent don’t allow me to make dinners fantastic, so my husband has to be satisfied with fried potatoes, spagetti and omlet ))))
By Marriage Records on Nov 26, 2009
Why not ask “why do you want me to cook for dinner? Any special requests?” Or ask her if she wants something special out before coming home.
By Chaudie on Sep 12, 2011
As someone who comes from a European culture, my soon to be wife is more than happy to cook and make meals. She loves it When we would do so together, but she sees it as something that she can do for me. And I love her all the more for it! Gents, just be curtious, no it is not the wife’s duty to cook, so she does not HAVE to. If you show respect and thank her for the lovely meal, no matter how good/bad it is/was, she will love you all the more for it and try harder as well. Of course if you also take the initiative to cook for her, it wouldnt go unnapreciated.
try it without asking and make it a surprise. Sure life is hard and full of constant turmoil, but taking some time and devoting it to serving her, you’ll also see how much it takes for her to serve you and you will appreciate er more through it. Good luck 
)
By Serge on Mar 2, 2012