Lesson 27: Shooting Your Wife With A Pellet Gun Is Never A Good Idea
Lesson 27: Buttshot Buckshot Backfire
For some reason I have always loved shooting people with things. When I was 14 I shot a “wasp” at our teacher (wadded up paper flung through the air with a rubber band). When I was 15 I bought a slingshot and shot my brother out of a tree in our backyard. Then when I was 18 I shot my friend in the leg with a blow dart gun. Every time my family plays paintball we get rid of all the extra paint by lining up against a wall and shooting each other until people drop. These are just a few of the many times I have had the opportunity to punish others. I never realized this pattern existed…until last year. Unfortunately it was at my wife’s expense that I had this realization.
Lesson 27: Don’t shoot your wife in the rump with an airsoft pellet gun no matter how much padding you think she has.
My family came out for Christmas several years ago, and my brother brought several airsoft pellet guns. These guns shoot tiny plastic balls with the help of some air pressure. My brothers and I took turns shooting each other for a while until my wife walked in. I’m not sure what came over me, but I saw her wearing jeans that were a size or three too small. It must have been instinct when she shouted, “Don’t you dare shoot me!” At first I agreed not to, but after a few minutes I realized that I just couldn’t resist the target. A minute later my brothers heard a yelp and came running in. They witnessed about 5 minutes of yelling as my wife outlined the pain she felt. I instantly felt bad and agreed to let her shoot me several times.
My suggestion: Don’t own any airsoft pellet guns. The urge may be too much to resist. If you do end up purchasing these guns, shooting your wife, and agreeing to let her shoot you in return, be sure not to wear skin tight jeans like my wife did. Loose fitting sweat pants absorb the initial sting -I literally couldn’t even tell she shot me.
4 Responses to “Lesson 27: Shooting Your Wife With A Pellet Gun Is Never A Good Idea”
I guess we have a few things in common: instead of shooting my wife with an airsoft pellet, I use a semi wet dish cloth….makes a great snapping sound when done just right. My wife also provides a great target; well at least I think so. And I also get the same type of reaction from her as well, a little yelling, a little anger and lots of vengeful actions. So now when I get this urge, I simply spend a little additional time planning my escape route and my meals for the next day or two. Heck, if she truly wanted me to stop, she wouldn’t invite me to help with the dishes!!
By Tim on Nov 11, 2008
what kind of farm girl can’t take a little pellet gun shot. I remember the story she told of pulling buckshot out of her leg for hours after little jimmy down the lane shot her
By phillyz on Nov 11, 2008
i do thoroughly enjoy the need for a post about why not to shoot your wife with a pellet gun. nice work donkey
By chelsea on Nov 11, 2008
That dart hurt a lot on the way out, not so much going in though.
By eoylston on Nov 13, 2008