Need Advice? We're full of it
Here’s where we answer our readers’ questions. Please don’t blame us if our suggestions don’t work for you; you’re the one taking advice from a donkey.
Dr. Nip Tuck My Wife’s 80085
Dear Donkey and Wife: My wife and I have been married for almost 4 years. She has had 2 kids and asked if I think she needs plastic surgery. I sort of avoided the question, but I know that she will be asking again and I want to be prepared. What should I say? Thanks guys. - Life in plastic, NOT fantastic!
He says: A little off the top wouldn’t hurt
As George Clooney continually said in O Brother, Where Art Thou?, “We’re in a tight spot!” The female readers out there would tell you to respond, “No, of course not. I love you just the way you are. You are beautiful and always will be.” But the fact that you are asking means that you don’t believe that. I generally don’t agree with having cosmetic surgery, but I can imagine situations where it is needed. That being said…
I say go with a watered down version of what you really think needs to happen. Let’s say you think she needs a face lift, tummy tuck, lipo, and…uh…some ‘enhancements’. You can’t go for the jugular and suggest all of these things. Your wife probably has an idea of what she wants, but it is likely less than what you think. Stick with things that she can’t control. For example, the skin on her stomach is probably stretched out and hanging like an accordion. (I’m giving your wife the benefit of the doubt and assuming that she lost the baby weight.) But she’s had 2 great kids. She can’t help this natural consequence of childbirth. Tell her, “You know, I love you, but I guess there are a few things you could do. Like that flesh on your stomach – let’s snip that off. I mean, you deserve it. I know you wouldn’t have gotten that big if you didn’t have children. Oh, and maybe the doctor could do a face lift while he’s add it. No big deal.”
If this question was nothing more than a test by your wife, then you probably just failed. You could then respond with, “Oh, I thought you were talking about your friend. Never mind.”
She Says (The Donkey responds for the wife since she is too busy): It’s all the husband’s fault
I think you did something wrong since your wife brought this up. You must be like my husband. For shame! Next time she asks, tell her she can go on a month-long vacation while you take time off of work to watch the kids. While at home, clean the house and get everything in order. You better not forget to clean the bathrooms! You should also shower her with compliments and hugs and kisses. Write a tribute poem about her that highlights all the great qualities she has. She needs to know that she is special. Buy flowers every Friday and bring some chocolates – you gotta have chocolates.
That’s it for our suggestions… Any other ideas?
(Do you need advice from The Donkey and The Wife? Contact us and ask away)