Husbands: Be Careful When Telling Your Wife What Time You’ll Be Home
Better Safe Than Sorry
I am going to share a gem of wisdom with you today. It may seem counterintuitive, but hear me out:
Don’t try to be accurate when guessing your arrival time at home.
I can’t tell you how often this has come back to bite me. Each day my wife emails, IMs, or calls me to find out when I will be leaving work. Most of the time I get this call around 4:30pm. I look around at work and realize people have already begun to go home. I notice that my phone isn’t ringing as much and the emails aren’t coming in anymore.
“Looks like I will be leaving no later than 5, so I should be home around 5:15,” I say confidently.
But what happens every day? Something. Anything. Someone comes in, my boss calls me into his office, I’ll see someone on the way out and get delayed, and I’ll end up coming home later than I told my wife. And how does my wife take this? Terribly. She has been counting down the minutes for her tag team partner to get into the ring, tag her hand, and take over.
My wife’s demeanor begins to worsen with each minute that I am late. I realize on the way home that I am in trouble and think, “Why did I tell her I would be home at 5:15?” Several months ago I decided a new approach: I would completely over estimate how long it would take me to get home. One day my wife called to ask the question, and I responded, “I’ll be home at 6:15.”
“Wow, that’s late. Work must be busy. OK, see you then.”
I was shocked. She didn’t seem mad at all and I just added another hour to my normal response to her daunting question! I tried to hurry home fearing that it was a trap. Of course I got held up for a while, but I made it home at 5:45pm. I opened the door and saw my wife’s surprised face. “You’re home early,” she said happily.
Early? Really? I am 30 minutes later than normal, and yet she seems happy? As the night continued on I thought about the paradox I just stumbled upon. My wife gets extremely frustrated when I don’t meet her expectations, but I have 100% control over what her expectations are. What incentive is there for me to provide an accurate approximation when asked when I will be coming home? None whatsoever. From that moment on I have overestimated my arrival time every day, and it has paid off. Instead of an angry wife, I come home to a happy wife who thinks, “Man, this guy comes home early for me every day.”
Don’t forget: Overestimate every time. Seriously. Try it out if you haven’t already learned this secret. You’ll be shocked with wonderment. What a brilliant realization. I have a little more admiration for guys like the founding fathers when they drafted the Constitution because they too had their minds opened to a moment of brilliance.
Photo by: Darren Hester
6 Responses to “Husbands: Be Careful When Telling Your Wife What Time You’ll Be Home”
My husband calls me on his cell phone as he’s leaving work.
By Jane on Jun 19, 2008
That’s the kind of strategy that you want to keep to yourself, now she’s on to you and you risk a shift in expectations. It’s a very good strategy though.
By Shannon on Jun 19, 2008
Oh sheesh. I don’t know about the “moment of brillance” thing. This kind of seems like one of those no-brainer things to me. Of course we women hate it when you’re late. Because of the whole tag-team thing, like you said. This may be one of the few times I actually agree with what the Donkey wrote. But instead of lying – how about you just make coming home a bit more of a priority? Occasionally I get that you get hung up with something unstoppable. But the rest of the time – admit it – you could just say to whoever, “I’m so sorry, I was just leaving and really need to go.” Men. They think they’re so smart. Sheesh.
By Nancy on Jun 20, 2008
Your brilliance astounds me sir- BRAVO!!!
By phillyz on Jun 20, 2008
First of all…’wonderment’…I like that word. I’ll have to use it.
Second, I wouldn’t go patting yourself on the back too much. As Nancy said, it’s kind of a no brainer.
Third, why don’t you just call her if you’re leaving late. “Hi honey, it’s me. Just wanted to let you know I’m running a tad late. I’ll be home about 5:30.”
By Linda~ on Jun 20, 2008
Donkey, you have failed! You have failed at writing a post that makes wives indignant.
Just like your wife, I am thinking to myself, “Oh, what a great idea, and how sweet!”
See, wives really want their husband to get home soon to help with the Witching Hour — but even more important is to know when the relief will arrive. It’s important for maintaining sanity. So when the Donkey, er, husband is home when they say they will be or even earlier, that’s “teh awesome”!
By Ginkgo100 on Jun 20, 2008