Don’t Compare Your Wife’s Figure to the Magazines–Especially Tabloids!
Lesson 24: Mama Mia!
My wife and I always laugh when our kids point out that we look like someone on the street. For me, my kids usually point to a scrawny Hispanic male whose hair is shaved short; and for my wife, my kids usually point to a female with curly dark hair. We never think the kids are even close, but it is usually comical. This last time was the funniest yet.
Wife Lesson: Don’t tell your wife that she looks like someone if that person is found in a sensational magazine or if that person could be mistaken for an animal.
Every Saturday I bring our 3 boys grocery shopping. It isn’t a problem until we get to the checkout line because I end up picking the most inept person in the store. This last week I decided to pass the time by reading one of those weird magazines that have the made up stories. I flipped through the pages and came across an article about the fattest baby ever born. It said something like, “Fattest couple gives birth to fattest baby.” I laughed as I looked at the ridiculous picture – obviously doctored. My oldest son looked over my shoulder, pointed to the mother, and said, “That looks like mommy.” Stunned, I ignored his comment and turned around so he wouldn’t see me laughing. I snapped a photo with my phone, put the magazine away, and came home. So far I hadn’t done anything wrong.
My mistake came when I got home. I was planning on not telling my wife about the incident, but it was too funny to pass up. “Look who our kids thought you looked like,” I said as I showed her the picture on my phone. She was even more shocked than I was, and she obviously regretted seeing the picture. I tried to assure her that the photo did not resemble her at all, but the damage was done.
My suggestion: Kids say funny things, but sometimes they should be forgotten and not shared. I should have walked over to People magazine and gotten a picture of Jessica Simpson or something.
8 Responses to “Don’t Compare Your Wife’s Figure to the Magazines–Especially Tabloids!”
That’s probably the most intentionally mean thing I’ve read about you doing on here.
I’m sure when the kids were in the market with Mom and they mentioned the picture of Verne Troyer looking like you that she felt it best not to say anything to you because intentionally hurting your spouses feelings is about as low as it goes.
By Shannon on Jun 30, 2008
Hmm?
Thus your name, The Donkey.
By Linda~ on Jul 1, 2008
You know, it’s funny and everything to encounter typical male oblivion, but Donkey? This level of oblivion demonstrates a lack of concern for your wife’s feelings that borders on abusive. It’s not cute to be this wildly insensitive to the feelings of others, and it’s not funny either. It’s just sad.
By Jana on Jul 1, 2008
I just wanna jump in here for a second… Normally I don’t have any problem standing by and watching The Donkey get chastised, but I want to at least clarify one thing: He was NOT saying that I look like that; he thought it was funny that my son pointed it out because it was so far from the truth. We had a laugh over it because clearly I look nothing like that, and apparently our son doesn’t have a concept of weight at this point. If you want to chastise him for any other boorish behavior, though–be my guest!
By The Wife on Jul 1, 2008
Did he know how you’d take it when he showed it to you though? What was the point of showing it to you? Oh the kids think you look really fat, ha ha ha? He’s written about how he’s tried to get you to get some pounds off, that he rated you a 6 out of 10 and then he talks about showing you this picture and saying your kids think you look like that lady in the picture. Kinda leads a person to visualize a man that doesn’t really want his wife to feel good about herself.
I still think it was a pretty mean thing to do, but I hear stand by your man playing in the background on this one. And your his wife, so if you are fine with it that’s all that counts.
By Shannon on Jul 1, 2008
The pattern is more concerning than if this were an isolated blip where he just didn’t realize that it could be construed differently. Now, maybe there are parts of the marital dialogue that we’re missing here where he tells you how much he loves you, how beautiful you are to him, etc but either the depiction on the blog is imbalanced or his attitude towards your personal appearance is pretty danged off. Either way, between complaining about how heavy your legs are during childbirth and repeated negative comments about your weight, physical appearance, etc the lack of gratitude is very off putting.
He doesn’t seem to care that he’s oblivious, and it seems that you’re just supposed to suck up the feelings that most women would have when they’re repeatedly belittled about their physical appearance because that’s just the way he is. At what point does voluntary ignorance of the impact of one’s actions become neglect? Now maybe this works for you guys, but most people would consider this stuff to be cruel and a sign of immaturity if it was going on in their own marriages.
By Jana on Jul 1, 2008
Thanks Oprah.
By Bob on Jul 2, 2008
Hey! That’s my Mom, Dad, and little brother Larry that got featured in a nationally published magazine. For the record, we are not fat we are just big-boned.
So to all of you that say that it is an insult to be compared to any of us… well that is an INSULT!
By Karlmalone on Jul 4, 2008