Marriage Advice: When your wife says, “You won’t be in trouble.”
We are still recovering from our great vacation and now my wife left me to babysit for 3 days while she attends a conference. Although it has been crazy, I’ve found a minute to write a post based on an experience from our trip.
During the trip some of my wife’s family invited us out to eat. My brother-in-law really wanted to go, but his wife was opposed. Their conversation went something like this:
Wife: Just go to dinner. I will stay home.
Husband: No. I am not going alone.
Meddling Brother (not me): Come on. Just come with us.
Husband: No, I can’t. I will get in trouble.
Wife: You won’t get in trouble. Just GO!
Meddling Brother: See, she doesn’t care if you leave her here. Just come to eat.
Meddling Brother’s Wife: Hey, quit bugging him. He can’t go.
Sound familiar? Of course it does. We’ve all had these types of conversations with our wives. What should this poor husband do? The answer is simple: DON’T STAY AT HOME! There is no point. You are already in trouble even if your wife says you are not or that you won’t be. Anytime you hear your wife utter something like, “You won’t be in trouble if…,” you should immediately see red flags popping up as if the Russians are on their way and know that you certainly will be in trouble. What you need to do is just go for it. It’s her problem anyway right? She told you to leave. How are you supposed to know that she didn’t really mean you could leave when she said you could? This will teach her a valuable lesson about speaking her mind, and you will enjoy a nice meal. We have no time for silly games, so force your wife to share her real feelings, or continue to go and do whatever you want. Either way you win.
The shocking thing about this scenario is that the meddling brother has been married for years; he certainly knows what the wife really meant. Perhaps it was just amusing to see younger siblings with the same early foibles. What a sicko.
Related Posts: Mother May I
9 Responses to “Marriage Advice: When your wife says, “You won’t be in trouble.””
FYI, not all women play games. I absolutely would have been fine if he had just gone. I just spent an entire weekend with many of his family members and would have welcomed the peace and quiet. In fact I was upset to think that he retorted that he would get in trouble. I’m pretty straight forward if I care or don’t care.
In case you’re wondering, we both went to dinner.
(you’re treading on thin ice when you publish stories that don’t directly involve you and you don’t tell them UNTIL they’re reading it!)
By Kelly on May 1, 2008
I’m a fan of direct communication…not the I’m going to say one thing but mean another. There is a but though…in the early days of our relationship and I was around his family, I was less vocal. Like one time they wanted us to go to a museum and the thought of how bored I’d be there was driving me up a wall, but when they asked my husband if we wanted to go and he said yes I just smiled and waited until we had a private moment to tell him pleaseeeeee no! Then he played it cool and suggested casually somewhere else we could go to them and we did and it all worked out. Teamwork is what it is all about.
And now after spending enough time with his family, I’d welcome the break and time alone! I’d be like sure, go to dinner! Not that I don’t like them, but I like my time alone too and need a break once in a while from being on my best behavior.
The revealing thing about this post is the writers comment “it’s her problem isn’t it” Doesn’t seem to be like a real team player kinda guy when he says that. Those are fighting words.
By Shannon on May 1, 2008
Oh, one more question…how do you babysit your own kids? Or do you mean you are watching someone elses kids too?
By Shannon on May 1, 2008
Shannon, I’m with you on this. . .how is it that you “babysit” your own children? Isn’t that called parenting?
By Kelly on May 1, 2008
so again, back to my orginal comment, what if it isn’t a game, what if those were her true feelings, that she wanted him to go?
By Kelly on May 1, 2008
First I agree with Shannon who noted that one cannot babysit one’s own children. The definition of babysit is to 1. to take charge of a child while the parents are temporarily away. Which if you are the parent you are not temporarily away unless you have spells of schizophrenia in which I suppose means that at times it might seem like babysitting, but I digress…
It is probably best to discuss things you either know or suspect the spouse won’t like in private. You must take them at face value at that point because they had an opportunity to air an objection but did not take it. I think this situation might have been difficult since the meddling brother and others were around. She might have been put on the spot.
By karlmalone on May 1, 2008
i agree with karl that there are never good results when one is put on the spot. as a member of said family and at said instance, those boys can gang up on you and then you feel really stupid, it’s happened to me plenty of times and will happen again i can be sure. rog gets in trouble plenty when he puts me on the spot, he should know better.
By chelsea on May 2, 2008
I agree with Kelly. When I say I’m not going to be upset about something, I’m not going to be.
I have noooo problem letting my husband know when he’s doing something I don’t want him to. And then.
This idea men have of “getting in trouble” is really strange to me. I hate it when my husband says, “If I do (such and such) I will ‘be in trouble’” what the heck is that? He’s not going to get in trouble unless he makes me mad by saying he’s going to get in trouble.
By April on May 2, 2008