WifeAdvice.com

Donkey Details

What would it be like to travel with The Donkey and The Wife? A couple brave friends of ours decided to find out, and now they’re sharing what they learned…

–

We had the privilege (yes, privilege) of spending almost 4 days with The Donkey and The Wife as we traveled back East to see some baseball games. We thought that we could provide some readers with added insight into the life of this most curious creature.

Top Ten: Things You Might Have Never Cared to Know About The Donkey:

10. The Donkey is willing to eat almost anything for money. It doesn’t have to be a lot of money, either. After hearing the story of him licking a Taco Bell floor for $1, we almost dared him to lick the floor of a New York subway train, but we were afraid that he would actually do it.

9. He has a not-so-secret crush on Jenny Jones. Yes, THE Jenny Jones (think lie detectors, boot camps, paternity tests, dramatic makeovers, etc). We believe that he actually used to term “hot” to describe her. We sense a future blog posting from the Donkey: “All I really need to know in life I learned from Jenny Jones.”

8. We heard many stories from his younger, pre-ball-and-chain-years. In his youth, he had an obsession with doing obscene/gross things with body hair. We won’t go into the where, what, and most importantly WHY of this obsession, so we will just let your imaginations run wild on this one.

7. He has a tongue to rival Gene Simmons. Seriously. It is insanely long, and curls up pointedly at the tip. It is almost to the point of being gross, but we were so fascinated that we kept on staring. He could make money at a Kentucky State Fair with this one.

6. He plays Boggle extremely well (isn’t that something that only ladies 55 years and older play?). Think Peggy Hill. Maybe he and Jenny Jones could get together on this one.

5. The entire time that were with them, The Donkey walked at least 10 feet in front of The Wife. We have no idea why he did this. Was he ashamed of The Wife? Was he ashamed of us? Is he just one of those fast-walker types? He looked like a teenager trying to avoid being seen with his parents at the mall.

4. He likes to snuggle with The Wife when cold. Yes, snuggle. We were surprised by the blatant PDA, also, but we have a photograph to prove it. Maybe The Donkey has an affectionate side that he is hiding…or maybe he just gets cold easily and finds warmth in the flesh-on-flesh connection.

3. Like other Donkeys, he is not afraid be a beast of burden. He carried his wife’s purse on many occasions and was not the least bit embarrassed to do it. He did carry it at his side, though, almost dragging it on the pavement, as if hinting to every thug that we passed by, “Please steal this from me.”

2. For you avid WifeAdvice readers we can confirm that The Donkey does, indeed, wear sweats as his preferred clothing. We might add that these are NOT cool, trendy athletic wear, or sexy lounge pants that you might find at the Gap or Adidas. These are old fashioned, gray, worn out, elastic at the ankles and waist, 1980’s style sweats. We think that on the day that they went to a Broadway show (yes, the wife must have won that battle) he “dressed up” and wore a pair of old jeans with a t-shirt.

1. We can confirm some of his miserly ways (he calls it saving money). We stayed with an old friend of his, whom The Donkey had not seen in something like 8 years. The Donkey offered to buy the guy a bagel, which is a thoughtful gesture. However, we have strong belief that he refused to pay for cream cheese. Come on! After how many years? A bagel?

We could go on about him falling asleep at the drop of a hat, his aversion to sharing food, and his detest of people saying “thank you”. However, hopefully, these things will add another layer of depth into this most complicated creature.

–

Thanks to our friends for coming along with us and taking such copious notes!