Get Wife’s Permission Before Inviting Your Mom to The Birth of Your Child
Lesson 23: Witnessing the Miracle
Some people think the birthing of a child is the most beautiful experience one can have. In fact, I remember seeing a movie in high school entitled The Miracle of Birth. Despite the buzz around a birth, I have never been excited to be there for this event. The smell, the sounds, the blood and guts are just too much for me. Although I wasn’t too thrilled to witness the birth of our first child, someone else was.
Lesson 23: Don’t invite your mom into the delivery room without your wife’s permission
When my wife was in labor with our first son, we were sitting in the delivery room waiting for things to progress. My mother called and asked if she could come by. She was excited since this was her first grandchild, so I agreed. Once at the hospital, she asked if she could come into the delivery room. I again agreed and she entered the room to chat with my wife. My sister also entered the room as the labor continued. Once it came time to push, my mom and sister still stayed to watch. We spent time talking and making plans–my brother happened to be flying into town that day, so my mom and I were trying to figure out who would go to the airport and at what time.
After some period of time (which I can’t remember) the baby started to pop out. As I struggled to hold my wife’s legs up, one of the nurses invited my mom to actually go down and see the baby’s head. My wife shot me a look, but I didn’t know what to do. I decided to keep my mouth shut as my mom scurried over to watch the baby’s head poking out. My mother then enjoyed watching the delivery while my wife was in certainly one of the most vulnerable positions ever imagined. With each push I could read my wife’s mind, “Why is your mother watching me deliver a baby?” Luckily things ended positively - a baby was born - and my wife didn’t mention the situation again until we got home.
My suggestion: Don’t invite anyone into the delivery room. This will only lead to additional problems that you hadn’t anticipated. Instead, get a video camera and show the delivery during the next reunion.
7 Responses to “Get Wife’s Permission Before Inviting Your Mom to The Birth of Your Child”
Oh wow.
Do you still have scars from the incident? LOL! I’ve already agreed to allow my Mother in Law in the room, but that’s only because she was really heartbroken that my Sister in Law didn’t let her in for the first 2 grandkids.
I have however, forbidden anyone from looking at the miracle as it’s in progress.
By Jia on May 28, 2008
I get that men can be immature sometimes, but there are just certain times in life that a guy just has to step up and be mature and while his wife is pregnant and definitely during delivery is one of them.
If I shot my husband a look and he overode that and let his Mom watch, he’d be sorry. You can’t do over a birth. You can’t talk about it and come to some common agreement on it later. I wouldn’t want the birth of my child clouded by the experience of my Mother in law looking on. I’d have been more vocal and it would never happen, but in that moment it’s not up to the one giving birth to be the calm voice of reason, she has other things to focus on right then. And anger at her husband’s weakness shouldn’t be one of them right then.
I think this is a lesson to all that read it and are going to have kids down the line…talk about it first. Agree on who you want or don’t want in the delivery room and when it’s okay for someone to be in there and when it’s not. And then husbands…honor that. Don’t be cowardly and let someone push their way in that the mother of your child obviously doesn’t want there.
By Shannon on May 28, 2008
Someone walking around with a camera could distract people. I would hide it under some gauze pads or something. You still get the raw footage and yet you don’t upset your wife
By Joe on May 28, 2008
This is definitely something you ask your wife about first. Some women might not mind, but your wife might have been anticipating the moment when the two of you shared meeting your child together. I bet she was upset that you invited others to share that very intimate moment. I’m glad you know now not to do it again!!!
By Jane on May 28, 2008
i was glad not to have anyone there the first time, but everything went so well — i want EVERYONE there for the second.
It is definitely not something that I think anyone would be sure about sharing the first time — there are so many curiosities about what is going to take place, I don’t think outside visitors really help the situation for the first experience. Although, if it is going to be the only one, definitely consider bringing in the crowds. It is quite awesome, and something worth sharing.
By celine on May 28, 2008
Wow. It’s a very personal decision but if you ask me…no way. No one was there for the delivery, but my mother & step father in law waltzed in right after (even though I told my husband I didn’t want to see anyone) and talked for what felt like forever - all I wanted to do was sleep! I wish Mike would have stood up for me instead of being afraid of hurting his fam’s feelings. For the next one I don’t want any in-laws there at all to avoid all risk of hurt feelings. So when making the decision consider how shy you are and the personality of your fam…would they understand that they’re not doing any of the work so they shouldn’t be upset if asked to leave?
By Karen on Jun 2, 2008
While my mother-in-law wasn’t in the room for the deliverly she insisted on being there in the labor room for a while. At that point, we weren’t on the best of terms so I wasn’t crazy about having her in there. She did what she usually does and tried to get my hub to give her all of his attention. I was thrilled when she left. If she had stayed for the delivery, I would have been a single parent.
By Laurie on Jun 7, 2008