Marriage is a male invention. Men invented it, and have perpetuated the concept for centuries, long before women in this country got the vote, and in countries where women still have no rights.

Married men are happier and live longer than single men. It’s the opposite for women.

The notion that women originated the idea of marriage, and that men are averse to it, is little more than male-devised propaganda. Only the brainwashed fall for that nonsense. Just a minute or two of historical research will prove the manly origins of marriage.

In my own case, I never wanted to get married. It took several years of convincing, but finally I agreed to do it. After all, I wasn’t opposed to marriage, and it was important to my husband. So, I agreed. Then, I really only wanted to go to city hall. But HE wanted an actual wedding. Again, since I wasn’t “opposed” to having a wedding, I agreed to it. I would have been happy just living together for the rest of our lives, though.

Before anyone concludes he’s wussy or not “manly” (whatever that means), I must say he is a spectacular example of manhood. As an independent, self-sufficient woman, I’ve only been interested in a counterpart, of sorts. …Someone different from me, as a partner. My husband is successful, well-educated, positively huge and strong (just under seven feet and over three-hundred pounds). He’s never been in a fist fight partly, I think, because other men simply respect him. He’s confident, but not arrogant. He’s good-natured and considerate. He isn’t trying to prove anything to anyone. It’s one of the qualities I find most attractive; that quiet confidence.

When he asked about an engagement ring, I stipulated that I didn’t want some big, gauche, sweater-catcher. We agreed on an eternity band from Tiffany’s. …A ring of perfect, little stones, for about $2,500. I couldn’t love a ring more than I do my engagement ring. Our wedding bands are matching gold and platinum.

Now, after all that, we are exceedingly traditional, in this day and age. I owned my own business when we first got together. He soon joined as a partner, then I retired to stay at home and keep a spotless home, manicured gardens, etc. …Things we both appreciate.

I have always expected (appreciated) men to open doors, pull out chairs, etc. It’s not that they were bad guys if they didn’t do that, just not the one for me. That said, I had to teach this to my husband, and he was good enough to accept that it was important to me.

So, a woman who kept her own name, didn’t want to get married or have a wedding, is also a homemaker and expects her husband to open doors, or stand when she enters a room.

The world, it seems, is full of individuals, where generalizations rarely hold true at the personal level.

I’m not sure I understand how the wife knows which letters are meant only for her husband and which are meant for them both, if just the husband’s name traditionally appears on the envelope. (And, believe me, I understand, this is not a big deal in most households. I’m just curious, as personal privacy is a big deal to me.)

We don’t have children, so I’ve never bothered. Like many others have said, it would be easier if everyone in the family had the same last name. But with it just being the two of us, there doesn’t seem to be much incentive to change my name.

A friend of mine is a professional woman, and didn’t change her name. I’m betting she’s glad she didn’t, now that, five years later, she and her husband are getting divorced.

I have to say that, for me, the question of changing my name to my husband’s is nearly identical to asking him to change his name to mine. The only difference is tradition, and the likely negative reactions from other men…who’ll view him as weak. I don’t feel weak for considering changing my name to his, so…. (Men can be so fragile.) Don’t get me wrong, though. My husband is his own man. Other men don’t even really challenge him. He’s professionally successful, and physically spectacular…and huge…so he simply gets respect from other men.

The other issue is that of pronunciation and spelling. My last name is a good, ol’ fashioned English name. …Easy to spell. …Easy to pronounce. My husband’s last name is longer, two words, and difficult for English-speakers to pronounce. Several years ago, we bought a mattress from Sears, and my husband jokingly put down the delivery information in my name, but with his last name. Sure enough, a couple of days later, the deliverymen called to make sure I was home, and began the call with, “Hello. May I speak to Jody… (long pause) …stammering… …more stammering… …finally a bastardized version of my husband’s name. “Close enough,” I graciously replied. That was my first (and obviously last) time electing to use my husband’s last name, instead of my own.

Still, as I once again consider switching surnames, it would truly be my choice, at this point. While I haven’t had any backlash from family members so far, some insist on referring to me as Mrs. (my husband’s name). I find that a bit disrespectful. It’s so foreign to me, it’s kind of like arbitrarily calling them by their neighbour’s names. They’d be like, ‘What?’ That’s how I feel when they do it.

I also dislike marital clues in women’s titles. I have ALWAYS only ever used “Ms.” because, as a young woman, I felt it was nobody’s business if I was married or not…like a man’s title. Since getting married, I’ve stuck with “Ms.” for the same reason.

Anyway, I’m glad to have come across this discussion. …Lots of interesting viewpoints and experiences.

Let me present this option: Feminism means that today, women have the power to choose whatever THEY want and whatever THEY feel comfortable with. In the past women either legally had to take their husbands last name or the societal pressure was so great that she did not have another option. Today, the pressure is still there, but given the strides women have taken towards equality – the choice is hers.

If you want your husbands last name – take it. If you don’t – keep yours. If you want to combine them, do that.

The choice of a last name is very personal. Shame on those of you who would control others. Worry about yourself. I’m sure there are areas of YOUR life that need attention.