He said She said: Should Husband Shave His Arms Against Wife’s Wishes?
Up in Arms
He Said
A few months ago my brother and I shaved our arms. It was partly motivation for us to work out more because it somehow accentuates our arm muscles and partly because I got sick of ripping off the Band Aid after donating plasma – it always hurts so much as it rips my hair out. My wife got very angry when she saw my arms and told me never to shave them again. I didn’t know what the big deal was and still don’t. Last week I decided to shave my arms again. Four days passed and I said to my wife, “Hey, you didn’t notice my shaved arms this time.” Suddenly bedlam broke loose and she was extremely angry again that I had shaved my arms. “What’s the big deal? They are my arms.”
I don’t think my wife should have the final say on what I do with my arm hair. I don’t even think she should decide what hairstyle I have on my head. When she gets her hair cut she asks for my input, but the final decision is hers, and I think that is the right approach. My main argument is that I ask her to do and not to do plenty of things that affect her physical appearance, but my pleas go on deaf ears. I can’t even imagine what her argument will be, but my guess is that she will threaten to grow her leg hair out or something, claiming that I don’t have a say regarding the hair on her legs. That’s fine because she never shaves them anyway and ends up stabbing me all night with her stubble.
She Said
Let’s be clear here. I am not claiming that I should have complete control over The Donkey’s looks. Anyone who has met us can attest to the fact that I have very little say in his choice of clothing or hairstyle. I did not interfere when he wanted to grow out his hair and shave up the sides–even though it wasn’t the 90s and he wasn’t in high school anymore. Once or twice, I have helped him apply the hair dye that turned his hair an orangey-blonde, even though I don’t really care for orangey-blonde hair. When friends and family members repeatedly ask me why The Donkey always wears big, baggy, worn out sweats, I don’t complain; I just say, “that’s what he likes, so that’s what he wears.”
But the other day when my husband pointed out that he had shaved his arms again, I was simply stunned. I don’t know if bedlam is the right word for it, but I will admit that a door was slammed and a voice was raised. I was so shocked that The Donkey had completely ignored the wishes and preferences that I had made very clear during the first arm-shaving episode. That had been upsetting on so many levels–I happen to think men look better with hair on their arms, especially if said men have pasty-white skin that is often on the dry, flaky side. I also don’t really enjoy watching other men hit on my husband at the gym–especially when I’m working out with him–so the more he can do to prevent that, the better. And the stubble is an issue as well. I must admit, I have gained a new appreciation for the fact that it is simply unpleasant to be stabbed with prickly skin in the middle of the night. (Incidentally, the remedy for prickly skin is not more shaving, but less! I get complaints about my leg stubble immediately after shaving them, not after neglecting them for weeks.)
Bottom line: I rarely attempt to dictate anything about The Donkey’s looks, so I don’t think it’s too much to make a specific, simple request and expect it to be respected.
What do you think? Cast your vote in the poll below.
Update: This poll has been closed. See results here.
Related Posts: A Hairy Issue; Stubble Trouble
11 Responses to “He said She said: Should Husband Shave His Arms Against Wife’s Wishes?”
The wife has become the donkey in this argument.
By miketorse on Apr 8, 2008
Oh this is a hard one. Based on how I feel about a husband and wife dictating each other hair styles, I have to vote with the donkey.
By chelsea on Apr 8, 2008
Donkey. Why did you point out that you had shaved your arms when you knew your wife has asked you not to. Did you feel guilty? Were you trying to patronize her? My vote is with the wife here.
By Beth on Apr 8, 2008
Hair styles are one thing, arm hair is another. He should be able to shave.
By John on Apr 8, 2008
From another wife:
I side with the Donkey on this one! However, when he makes decisions regarding his looks, he should remember that it’s in his best interests to be as sexually attractive to his wife as possible. I’m just sayin’.
By Ginkgo100 on Apr 8, 2008
I think the real issue here is that Donkey didn’t understand why his wife was so angry the first time, so when the chance come up again, he didn’t understand why he shouldn’t do it. I bet if his wife had told him that first time that it made him look like he wanted to be hit on by men, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have done it the second time.
But, ultimately, I’d have to side with the Donkey here. As long as he isn’t do this to be more attractive to someone other than his spouse, then it’s his decision what he wants to do with his arm hair, just as it’s The Wife’s decision what she wants to do with her leg hair.
By Sandy on Apr 9, 2008
Even though I believe in the donkey’s right to shave his arms, I can’t imagine why he would want to! Having hairy arms is quite manly in appearance, and obviously his wife finds hairy arms more attractive than not. The only people I ever knew who shaved their arms were competitive swimmers! Some of them shaved their heads too!
By Jane on Apr 9, 2008
The donkey should do what he wants with his arms, but for the record, unless you are on the swim team, shaved arms flames!
By karlmalone on Apr 9, 2008
The Donkey can shave if he wants to…and he can live with the repercussions. My question would be “who are you trying to impress with your clean shaven, accentuated arm muscles?”
By wifelikeme on Apr 9, 2008