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My gut reaction is “NO!”. But then I remember that I have actually done that a couple of times in a work environment. But I was uncomfortable the whole time – does that make it OK? And I always made sure to tell hubby about it before or immediately following.
I do think that those workplace “friendships” can get a little out of hand if you start being more excited to see them than your spouse. So, I guess the answer to “is it EVER ok” is yes. But not very often.

By Nancy S. on Apr 4, 2008

I sure hope so, considering I’m about to have lunch with a co-worker of the opposite sex in two minutes. My husband’s car is broken, so he dropped me off at work…can’t get home for lunch like I normally do, and only one co-worker was free to eat lunch today. I know my husband won’t care at all, because he’d do the same thing in a situation like this. Now, will the co-worker’s wife have a problem? I hope not, but the onus is on my co-worker, not me.

By Brooke on Apr 4, 2008

I would say it’s okay if it’s in a public place, you didn’t have a history with the person, and your spouse didn’t feel threatened by this person…so, outside of a business lunch, why would you want to?

Not unless necessary, I say.

By cory huff on Apr 4, 2008

As a general rule, no. I try never to be alone with anyone of the opposite, except my wife, ever. It’s difficult sometimes to try and find a 3rd person to accompany you to lunch, but it’s better safe than sorry. With the widespread sexual harassment claims that are plaguing the business place, it’s better to avoid the appearance of inappropriate relationships.

By Vatermann on Apr 4, 2008

If there is full trust in a marriage, this question is not an issue.

Lunch does not equal cheating – especially phsyically, right there in a crowded or even barely crowded restaurant.

If someone needs to go to lunch with the opposite sex – to build a relationship with a person other than their spouse, then forget the question about it being ok, switch to the question of “What is wrong at home?”

By Tom on Apr 4, 2008

This can be dangerous under any circumstance. I would only considetr it if it was a business dealing and then keep it in a very public resturant.

By Jeff Poplawski on Apr 4, 2008

Is it EVER ok? Yes.

Is it ALWAYS ok? No.

Depends on the situation and the relationship with the person in question.

By wifelikeme on Apr 4, 2008

I’d go out to eat with my grandpa. Haha. But I would feel uncomfortable if my hubby went out toe at with some chick and I know he wouldn’t like it if I did it with some guy.

By April on Apr 4, 2008

I’ve gone out to eat alone with my son. Does that count?

Seriously, there are some situations in which it’s appropriate — but the spouse should always know about it. No secrets, that’s the secret.

By Ginkgo100 on Apr 4, 2008

I am alone with my male coworker in a car for hours throughout the week. Now, let’s mention that that coworker is older than my dad. . . Either way, I think it’s ok. Much like has been said on here, there are times and places that work and others that don’t. In fact, just today my husband and I were both talking to a mutual female friend and she wanted to take me to lunch but I couldn’t go and my husband immediately follows up with, “you can take me!” I would have been absolutely fine with it. Depends on the frequency, the relationship, etc. If the spouses are open and honest with each other, it won’t be an issue.

By Kelly on Apr 4, 2008

I agree with everyone else…it is ok in certain situations. I have gone out with male coworkers for business lunches. Usually it is to talk about client work or to talk about my reviews. I generally feel kinda weird the whole time, but it isn’t often and there is usually a good reason for it. Generally I like it if there are multiple people there.

By Michelle on Apr 4, 2008

I have a gay guy friend and, obviously, my husband isn’t threatened by the time we spend together. I also have some straight but androgenous guy friends, and the same goes for them. It’s nice to have someone to go see a movie with when my husband doesn’t like the rating.

By Bibby on Apr 4, 2008

I think going out for a meal with the opposite sex is perfectly harmless as long as it is perfectly harmless. If that makes sense. Friendship, work….as opposed to more of a “date”.

By Lightening on Apr 4, 2008

They’re ok as long as you don’t make it look like you’re hiding from your spouse. It’s even better when they know each other, let’s say you work with them or you’ve been friends since last job. The key is letting your spouse know about it. Simple! It really is!

By Oscar Valdes on Apr 4, 2008

These are really good comments!

By Jane on Apr 5, 2008

Eating with the opposite sex is fine as long as he lets me know who and why.

By Dog Lover on Apr 5, 2008

I would say that it is ok, but not in all situations. Me personally, I don’t control my wife. Or rather, I realize that I have no control over my wife, she will do what she will do. If she goes to hang out with her guy friends (eating or otherwise) I’m fine with it. Granted, I know her friends and I trust them… they’re also all in relationships at the moment.

I have also gone out to eat with female coworkers before and she never had a problem with it. Granted She is friends with my wife and in a relationship as well.

I think trust goes a long way. We trust each other, so it’s OK. Now if I wanted to out to eat with my ex… she might have something to say about that. Not because she doesn’t trust me, but because she doesn’t trust my ex.

By Nathaniel on Apr 5, 2008

I agree with Tom! Tom said, “If there is full trust in a marriage, this question is not an issue… Lunch does not equal cheating”.

My god, if i wasn’t “allowed” go out and EAT with anyone i wanted (and vice versa), then i wouldn’t have married that person in the first place. We are not each other’s keepers or parents! I don’t believe in ‘controlling’ other people. I would have married someone to whom this would not be an issue.

So, in my opinion, of course we can eat with someone of the opposite sex. Life isn’t always about sex. It’s also about friendship & humanity!

By Amber on Apr 5, 2008

It is just not very wise to do that. One moment it is a simple lunch, and then the person seems to “understand me” better than my spouse. The grass grows more and more green on the other side of the fence. Then doubts arise in the relationship with your spouse, and the door is opened for unfaithfulness.

My wife trusts me completely, but i do not give her any reason to doubt or distrust me.

By Fulf on Apr 7, 2008

Good question. I have been taken to lunch by vendors and sometimes realized too late that the vendor was female.

I think it falls into the “avoid the appearance of evil and indiscretion” and should be avoided. One runs the risk of wrongful accusations of harrassment as well. However, if it happens or can’t be avoided just discuss it with the spouse later.

By karlmalone on Apr 9, 2008

My husband is in real estate, so he’s always going out to dinner or lunch with clients. He never tells me about it, unless I happen to find a receipt. He also joined a few local meeting groups, like book clubs etc, and didn’t bother to tell me about his either. I found out by accident when I looking in the history for a webpage I had visited a day earlier & came across a webpage for this local meeting group. Curious, I clicked on it and there was his profile. Since then I have found that he has searched on google for info on his ex-girlfriends etc, he obviously didn’t think to clear the browser history. Now, I’m not sure what else he could be hiding. Any advice?

By Jenna on Apr 21, 2008

@Jenna – Yes! GET OUT!!! I am a very open-minded, case-by-case situation. I am careful not to impose myself or my experiences on others. But let me tell you: Some things just are. Once the secrets start, they NEVER, NEVER, NEVER end. They just don’t. You’ll confront him, he’ll start hiding it. You’ll figure that out, he’ll get better at hiding it. And on and on it goes. He has something within himself that he is searching for, a void that he wants filled. It’s exciting. An excitement that you can never provide. And lying only becomes easier for them. Not to mention they get better at it, too! And, like drug addicts, they’ll lie to anyone to cover it up to keep on with what they’re enjoying. Including pastors they respect very much!

There are always exceptions to the rule, of course. But I’ve watched this scenario with many men who were otherwise very good, nice and having great hearts, and it hasn’t ended well YET (13 years and counting). Good luck.

@Amber – It’s true, what you say. We’re not anyone’s keeper or parent. But it’s not about being a keeper or parent. It’s about the accountability you accept when you pledge your life to someone. Telling each other what’s going on, and respecting your spouse’s boundaries if it becomes a problem for them. Keeping the spouse first. Because you’re right about something else, too: It’s about friendship and humanity. And humanity is very flawed. What starts out as an innocent lunch, and then a series of innocent meetings, can somewhere along the line turn into something else entirely. Surely we’ve all experienced or at least heard of the phrase “unintended consequences”…

By Jeannie on Apr 26, 2008

You don’t put yourself in the position to develop intamacy.Men and women, and in my personal experience,gay men and women, will connect under the right circumstances which can lead to more than just lunch.
If it’s business, keep it that all the way to sharing the bill.
If it’s personal, let the other know that they may share this with their partner if asked.
If you want to keep it personal, then tell your partner,”I have a friend of the opposite sex whom I like to get an objective opinion of from time to time.Would you like to meet him/her?”
Also, if it’s possible, invite your partner so that the other knows upfront that you’re a couple.This way, you prevent the natural attraction from developing into something that naturally happens when people get heard and find validation.

By bull on Apr 30, 2008

Tell me if this sounds familiar? My wife dresses like a cupcake to go to a “training session” with what she says are 4 women from her work on Valentine’s Day. She says, as she leaves, that she won’t need a lunch that day since she is going out to eat with the other teachers. When it is one-half hour past quitting time I call her work and am told she is not back yet, though this is quickly corrected by, “Oh, wait, there’s Bob, she’s back.” When quizzed my wife couldn’t give the name of the training session or the facilitator, nor did she have any hand-outs or materials of the type given at such events. She says there was another couple there and she did nothing wrong by lunching with co-workers. That night she told me she “got sick at lunch” and “had to take a nap.” She napped till 9:30 p.m. and then made a rushed frozen shrimp dinner for us. A final clue: when she arrived home I was asleep and she ran into a spare room and cut up some magazine ads to make a “homemade” Valentine’s Day card. She presented it with a $15.00 pen and a $20.00 lighter from the local discount shop, gifts about as personal as a bunion. What do you thin?

By Roy on May 1, 2008

My wife goes out from time to time for lunch with some people she works with. Usually a mixture of men and women. On occasion it may be just men or sometimes just a single man or single woman. While I am generally comfortable with the group going to lunch when its just her and this one guy I don’t like it. She has never given me any reason to think she would or has cheated on me but in the back of my mind I always wonder. This one guy is divorced and seems to be always on the prowl. Like it or not it is causing tension in our marriage. I don’t want to tell her she can’t have lunch with him anymore but is their friendship worth harming our marriage?

By Lost in ATL on Sep 23, 2008

I found out my wife had driven my truck to lunch, when I got in passenger seat it was all the way back, I question her about it and got a response of she had to drive for lunch and had a guy in truck, but she wouldn’t give name–I then called her on business trip, was told that she was getting in taxi would call me later, I tried to call several times, then she called, I asked were she had been, was told that she had really been with a male co-worker that’s gay-I asked why she felt that I would have problem with that, she didn’t know
Another problem, sent wife a recorded message, she left it on while male co-worker in office, my wife was discussing work and not being able to sleep due to stress on job, not much said but I think its weird that a guy would spend that long in managers office (my wife is a manger), but man stayed for at least 15mins then tape ran out
Question–am I being to nosy, or do I have a right to ask for answers or names
PS–after years of this I asked for a name of guy she had lunch with, she still couldn’t remember then she said a guys name from work I know from her work and told me a name and I have met him (she said that just to stop me from saying anymore, then 2 weeks ago on business trip she didn’t call me one nite, the next afternoon she called and was back in town, I didn’t ask her about it, but that weekend I asked were she ate and she told me Mexican, I later confronted he again after bring up the no called, she told me ate at steak place, I told her that she told me Mexican, I then proceeded to tell her what she had told me, she said that she ate Mexican, that nite and steak the nite before and would get me expense report
am I crazy or what, she has never deceived me that I am aware of in 23 years so I want to trust her
Please Help

By owens on Nov 14, 2008

Ya’ll are paranoid.

If you have a good relationship with your spouse, there is no reason a person cannot have lunch with a coworker of the opposite sex.

Owens, you’re obviously the jealous type, and your wife feels she can’t be truthful with you because of your reaction to a innocent situation. Therefore, you do have something to worry about because you *DON’T* have a good relationship with your spouse.

My advise to you: Drop it. Leave it alone and stop being suspicious about everything. Stop confronting your wife about every little half truth or conflicting information she gives you.

And by the way, 15 minutes in the office with your manager is *NOTHING*! It’s called “management”.

By Dameon on Nov 17, 2008

I’m answering mostly on a working relationship basis . . .

Even a marriage counselor will advise married couples to not develop friendships at work with someone of the opposite sex. There is really no reason one MUST go to lunch with a co-worker of the opposite sex. If there is a time when it happens to be a MUST — alcohol should never be involved, and I believe the spouse should be told prior to the lunch/dinner. If it isn’t a secret, there shouldn’t be a problem.

Again, even a marriage counselor will say –something that starts totally platonic and innocent has the potential to turn into something more. If one person isn’t thinking something, the other person usually is.

Creating relationships with the opposite sex, especially at work is unwise. You can have a great relationship with your spouse and it can still make them uncomfortable. Especially if kept secret. Be open with your spouse. If open, they will normally not feel threatened by it.

By Cathain on Mar 21, 2009

I think this is just crazy…..including your comments Cathain. My husband has to go out to lunch/dinner/after work social events frequently with co-worker, vendors & clients. He brings a spare suit to work because this is part of his business and his boss usually notifies him about half an hour before he is required to attend. He goes out frequently and cannot tell me until after he comes home. He works for a 9 billion dollar fortune 500 company and he is expected to take part in these events. We have a very loving and stable relationship with good communication. I would never dream of questioning him of his dealings at work. Work is stressful enough without the added strain at home. People, seriously life is too short enjoy the time you have on this earth with the people you love now.

By jamie on Nov 18, 2009