WifeAdvice.com

Stubble Trouble

My wife is always trying to kiss me at the most inopportune times: while I am trying to sleep, when I am leaving the house to go to work, and anytime I am generally awake. Normally I allow this to continue for a minute or so and then tell her that I am late or really tired. I am usually able to weather the storm, but recently I was overcome by extenuating circumstances.

Lesson 20: It’s best not to acknowledge your wife’s whiskers when they rub along your face during a kiss.

The other night I was making some tapioca pudding for my wife and myself. As I was constantly stirring until the tapioca came to a boil, I noticed my wife inching toward me; there was no way for me to escape without burning the pudding. I knew what was coming, and I braced myself for a kiss. While she was kissing me, I noticed a prickling sensation on my neck. Without thinking I blurted out, “Your whiskers poked my neck.” She looked shocked, and I realized what I had said. I exclaimed, “Not your whiskers–I mean your mustache.” I thought mustache would be a better thing to say, but it wasn’t. I have heard her and other girls call this stuff peach fuzz, but come on; we all know the difference between a bee’s velvety feet and its stinger.

I tried to explain to her that I had just shaved and that my neck was sensitive. She didn’t buy it and told me that a wife doesn’t want to be told she has a mustache or whiskers, especially when in the middle of kissing.

My suggestion: I can’t say to not bring up the fact that whiskers are attacking you; after all, a bee is a bee. Who cares if its feet or stinger are what’s touching you. The point is, don’t comment on your wife’s facial hair during or immediately after a kiss. There are several proven methods to confront your wife regarding her facial hair, which I’ll be sharing in the future.