There’s Only One Response When Your Wife Says “I Love You.”
Lesson 19: Thanks is Not Enough
Cashier: How are you today?
Shopper: I like flying animals.
Cashier: What?
In every culture there are standard greetings and standard responses. In the example above, the shopper would normally respond “Fine” or “Good”–or “Well” if she likes sounding snooty. The cashier would expect one of these typical responses even if the person just waited in line for 40 minutes and had a horrible shopping trip. Standard answers to questions and statements translate to marriage as well. If you are like me (hopefully not) you have a standard response for when your wife says, “I love you.” Unfortunately I have been using the wrong standard.
Lesson 19: When your wife says, “I love you,” don’t respond with “Thanks.”
I’ve been using the “thanks” response since we’ve been married, but my wife has informed me that this is incorrect. For example, one time my wife and I were in the car going somewhere and not really talking about much.
“I love you,” she said.
“Thanks,” I responded.
“Uh… you’re welcome?” She seemed irritated, so I asked her what the problem was. “That just wasn’t quite the response I was expecting–why don’t you say that you love me too?” she asked.
I explained that I do love her, but it’s just faster to say thanks. We have a similar problem every time we get off the phone. Sometimes I am in a situation where it would be awkward to say I love you, so when my wife says, “I love you,” I often respond with “thanks” or “me too.” The “me too” response is usually met with a sarcastic, “well, I’m glad to know that you love yourself.”
My suggestion: Just say, “I love you too.” We all know it’s a little extra work and might be embarrassing in certain situations, but it probably means a lot.
8 Responses to “There’s Only One Response When Your Wife Says “I Love You.””
Sadly, I am like you and say “thank you” also, but not because it is faster, but because I feel saying “I love you too” kinda equates to when you are at a resturant and you have zero idea what you want and you wife (or husband) orders and the wait-person is standing staring at you for your order. So since you don’t know what you “really” want you say “me too” or “I’ll have the same.”
I have been working on just saying “I love you” instead of “I love you too,” sounds more affirmative.
By Benjamin Sterling on Mar 3, 2008
Let’s hope you don’t apply the “I explained that I __________, but it’s just faster to _______.” theory to ALL aspects of your marriage. LOL At least you’re learning. *grin* Trial and error…trial and error.
By OneRedHotMarriage on Mar 3, 2008
Don’t take this the wrong way, but saying thank you is the geekest thing I have ever heard. Just a bit socially clueless. Good thing your wife is patient!!!
By Molly Sanders on Mar 3, 2008
Once again the Donkey pays the highest praise and respect to the wife and it is missed. How people miss the genious of the Donkey is a mystery to me. he is saying that her love for him is appreciated. Thank you for loving me, this could be translated in his mind ” I am a fool and don’t deserve your love, but thank you for loving me” what a compliment-you are a true romantic Donkey.
By phillyz on Mar 3, 2008
My DH and I have an understanding that an “I love you too” response is NOT required (right back when we were just dating). I’m the opposite when it comes to this. I feel like the “I Love You Too” response is automated. I want my DH to tell me that because he really means it or feels it, not because he feels he HAS to. I would be quite happy with a “thank you” when I tell my DH I love him.
By Lightening on Mar 3, 2008
I’m with PhillyZ on this one, and I’m the wife!
I truly appreciate my swubby’s love, care and attention, especially when he says I love you aloud. Usually his actions are meant to show me how much he loves me so when he actually says it– it’s special enough to warrant a thank you!
After this, I’m curious to hear what you all would say about my latest question at my blog, which is ‘Does Marriage Suck?’
Love the makeover!
Dina
By CuriousDina on Mar 3, 2008
I rather like the “The feeling is mutual” response.Momma knows what I mean when I say that. Although our love for each other is a given, in our marriage, it doesn’t hurt to hear it once in awhile does it?
By Mark on Mar 3, 2008
Personally, I love it when she calls me and says, “I love you” at the end of the call. I find that everyone else is a lot more uncomfortable when you gush back to her over the phone…
It’s especially fun when they ask, “Who was that?”
…and you answer, “Your mom.”
By Slack on Mar 6, 2008