Should Husbands and Wives Look Through Each Other’s Emails?

Enquiring Minds want to know... we want to know.

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Here’s a chance for YOU to give the advice.

Question:

Is it ever ok to look through a spouse’s email? What about text messages?

  1. 19 Responses to “Should Husbands and Wives Look Through Each Other’s Emails?”

  2. Deliberately? As in snooping? No.

    But my DH and I only have 1 email account so we tend to read each others. Okay, I read his. The few he gets. He doesn’t read anything he doesn’t have to. ;)

    I open his mail too! If I’m curious. He doesn’t care cos it saves him having to do it. If I *know* it’s a bill I leave it for him though. ;)

    By Lightening on Mar 21, 2008

  3. I think it all depends on motive. If you’re reading your spouses emails, etc because you don’t trust him/her and want to check up on them – then maybe there’s a deeper problem than this post is talking about. If you’re reading them because you want to find out what a friend of his said about coming over Fri night with his wife – then you’re good.

    ps – there’s a typo in your post *said lovingly*

    By Nancy on Mar 21, 2008

  4. I think it’s fine, because if you have nothing to hide, it shouldn’t bother you, right?

    By jlk on Mar 21, 2008

  5. Why not? The government does it without permission, why not us?

    By miketorse on Mar 21, 2008

  6. I don’t see why any couple will want to make it a rule not to read each other’s email.
    Imagine this scenario: I went to the post office but forgot to write down the postal address for the letter I was meaning to send. If my spouse could check my email, I could call him and ask him to find the address for me in the email without me having to drive back all the way to check it myself.

    By precious on Mar 21, 2008

  7. If you have nothing to hide, then it shouldn’t matter. If you have something to hide you have bigger problems.

    The only times I would not want my wife to read my e-mails is when i am planning some kind of surprise for her, like a special gift for a birthday or an unplanned romantic getaway. Other than that, she can read all the tons of spam I get each day.

    By Kajagugu on Mar 21, 2008

  8. We do. We have nothing to hide, except maybe a few surprises for each other on a rare occassion. I agree with the other comments about trust. We trust each other, so it’s not like we HAVE to read the emails, but since he tends to forget to tell me things when he is really busy at work, I will look to see if there is anything I need to be aware of.

    By Amy on Mar 21, 2008

  9. Depends on the context:

    In the context of my current marriage, we don’t make it a habit, but will sometimes look stuff up or check out an email from a mutual acquaintance. It’s pretty easygoing. And there is the understanding that we are allowed to kvetch about each other, so if I am reading *his* email and see something unflattering, well, my bad for snooping.

    With my ex? Different scenario – he was intensely private and refused to look at my emails or forum posts (even when I asked him to for some reason)That was how he was until we separated, at least. Then he tried to hack all my accounts So much for privacy!

    So it allllllll depends ;->

    By silli on Mar 21, 2008

  10. We have separate computers, so it never comes up. His is his work computer, and almost all of his e-mails are work related. In fact, he makes it clear that he doesn’t read jokes, etc. when sent to him. I don’t think he has any interest in my e-mails either.

    By Jane on Mar 21, 2008

  11. Never tho’t about it, he’s always showing me something or other in his email–which I know the password for–and vice versa. It’s never been an issue and I think that’s the way to go.

    ~~

    By DanaB on Mar 22, 2008

  12. I never look at my wife’s email, and she never looks at mine. We’ve no reason to. I think it’s kinda strange that people would. Not in any sort of sinister way, mind you, more like…why?

    I’ve no need to read her emails from her family and friends, and she has no interest in reading about all of my blogging activity.

    By agoodhusband on Mar 22, 2008

  13. My wife has no reason to read my email and I have no reason to read hers. However, if she did decide to read through my email I wouldn’t care one bit. I don’t talk to anyone about anything that I wouldn’t feel comfortable with her knowing. I don’t do anything that would get me in trouble if she found out. So, simply put, the issue of privacy is a non-issue to me. To me, privacy is for those who are doing something wrong, embarrassing, etc.

    Also, I’m smart enough to realize that if I wanted to do something behind her back, I wouldn’t leave as obvious a trail as email. If someone is messing around and the have email evidence of this, then they deserve to get caught.

    By Nathaniel on Mar 23, 2008

  14. I’m the inquiring mind in our marriage and so I look through his e-mail account every so often. I find e-mails about friends who had babies, or friends that wanted to catch up for dinner, or family news, etc. He always “forgot” to mention anything about any one of them, so I figure it’s a darn good thing I look. As for him, he could care less about what sale my friend found, or what day I’ll be meeting at the park, etc. In addition, I think that I talk enough that he’s pretty re-assured that I’m not forgetting to mention anything important (and not important) him. Either way, we don’t care. There’s no privacy for us . . . we’re married.

    By Ashleigh on Mar 25, 2008

  15. No, we don’t.
    My husband’s emails are mainly work related and mine are usually from my girlfriends.

    I wonder how about friend’s privacy? Like they confine something in you and least expected that your spouse is reading the mails as well.

    By Susan on Mar 30, 2008

  16. I think so. But, I agree with what’s been said above – if you’re reading every single email every single day, then you have trust issues. But, if you don’t want to give your wife your password because you’re afraid of what she might find out, then there’s also a problem. My husband and I have an agreement – if he’s getting emails related to a surprise, he tells me not to read his emails for a few days. I hardly ever do, unless I’m in his account looking for a specific email (such as something from our wireless company, who will only email his account) – at that point, I’ll skim a little and see if anything looks bad.

    By Sandy on Mar 31, 2008

  17. Want privacy? Don’t get marriage. An email is a modern day phone call or letter. If you want to risk and affair by being the “secure spouse” go ahead and think emails are harmless. After the divorce hearing, tell everyone how being private was respecting your spouse. The home is always to be guarded.

    By Mike on Nov 7, 2011

  18. Last night i asked my bf if i could see pics on his phone that we took together and he gave me his phone and i did look at pics but i also kind of peeked at his text messages, i wasn’t snooping but i like the chase if he catches me and he did catch me, i just did it for fun, i do trust him, well he got upset and left because i did that. so upset

    By melissa on Jul 13, 2012

  19. We have a huge fight with my husband today regarding privacy of his email,link in and Skype because I told him if possible to put our pic together on his profile,guess what he said link in is a business,yeah u can’t put the picture of ur wife on ur business? Lots of husband put pic on their profile. I was so sad because if he don’t hide anything from me then why he refused to put our pic together on his profile and why he do t want me to see his emails?

    We just married last year November 10,2012. I need advise.

    By Heart on Mar 19, 2013

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