WifeAdvice.com

Here’s where we answer our readers’ questions. Please don’t blame us if our suggestions don’t work for you; you’re the one taking advice from a donkey.

Slaving Away

In the past, we’ve answered a couple questions from husbands wondering about their wives’ housework ethic. Now the ladies are up, and they want to know how to get their husbands to do some man-work around the house.

Dear Donkey and Wife: What’s the best way to get my husband to help around the house? I’m a clean freak so I usually just do everything myself, especially since I know how hard he works all day, but some things I just can’t do myself (like hang a shelf). When I ask he’s always obliging but weeks go by and it’s still not done. How do I remind him to do what he’s promised without nagging or making him feel too guilty (cuz he knows he’s getting off so easy when it comes to house work)? -Just Hanging Around

Dear Donkey and Wife: I really only have one issue with my husband and that is the condition of the backyard and garage. When we first got married I was perfectly happy to do all the housework while he took care of mowing the yard, maintaining the vehicles, doing home improvement projects and miscellaneous repairs, etc. But it’s been 6 years now and the house is immaculate and in perfect order, but the backyard and garage are still a shambles and only getting worse. My husband often starts new projects before finishing or cleaning up after previous projects outside, so it’s always looking like chaos. I hate to request projects because he gets off track and does a way more involved version of the project than necessary and creates such a mess doing a project. I can just imagine what would happen if, he asked me to cook dinner and I agreed but then proceeded to decide to refinish the kitchen cabinets instead, removing them and laying tools all around the kitchen and saying I would also cook dinner “soon” but proceed to make the cabinet project last for weeks while never getting around to dinner. I still never request that he helps me around the house, but maybe I should, not that I need it but perhaps that would make him appreciate his outside domain more. Any suggestions? -Beautiful On The Inside

He Says: Get the ball rolling or roll up your sleeves

I’m glad that you wives realize the burden to obtain help is really on you. Most husbands–excluding my married brothers–have jobs and don’t want to spend every night and all weekend completing projects assigned by their wives. But as usual, I have a few secret tips to share. Ladies, the key to success is that you must be the one to get things in motion. Let’s use the hanging the shelf example since I also have the same assignment pending currently. The reason I haven’t hung this shelf yet is because it requires physical labor and it involves the unknown. I don’t know what tools are required and don’t even know where said shelf is at the moment. How can I begin? What do I do? Do I need nails? What about a stud finder? Obviously my wife found one (haha), but we might need the kind you use on walls. Will I need sustenance to survive? I DON’T KNOW! These are just some of the many questions husbands ask themselves when they are confronted with such a nebulous project. So here is how my wife can get me to help hang this shelf.

1. Gather all the needed equipment. That includes the shelf, the hammer, the stud finder, and all the miniature nails, screws, and anchors I might need. All packaging should be thrown out and those crazy plastic containers that are impossible to breach without a blowtorch should be opened for me.
2. Schedule time for me on my calendar. I don’t have time to block my calendar for this, so she will need to set some time aside for me to make sure I show up.
3. Get some of the nails lined up and even pounded in. This takes away that first impact fear I might have.
4. Provide snacks. Nothing motivates a man more than a nice glass of soda or lemonade and some cookies, brownies, or a steak. And please, the brownies and cookies should be homemade. Don’t shortchange us.
5. Get everyone out of the house. I need to do this alone because I need concentration. I would say hanging this shelf could take anywhere from 10 minutes to 5 hours. She should err on the longer side. It would be best for her to take the kids on a good day trip. But she should also be available by phone in case I have a question about the project. If I finish the job early, I can relax in front of the tv and occasionally look at my masterpiece on the wall. Why not? I earned it.
6. Provide recovery time. I can’t be asked to complete another project like this for at least a month. Major initiatives like hanging a shelf can’t be taken lightly. It’s kinda like boxing. You don’t see the heavyweight champ fighting every week. He needs time to physically and mentally prepare for the next challenge.

I think this approach would really work, and I think it’s fair for both of you. I am sure that I would do a great job hanging this shelf if my wife would spend a little extra time getting the setup completed.

She Says: Teamwork gets the job done

While I’d like to say that my husband is behaving like a selfish pig, I’m afraid he might be on the right track today. In each of your cases, it would be helpful for you to pitch in and work together with your husband. I happen to be the type who can get a bit overwhelmed by some of my household responsibilities at times; the thing that helps me most is when The Donkey is willing to pitch in–even if it does mean I get a running commentary on how many pairs of my shoes he found lying around, as well as getting the third-degree on why I would ever need more than 2 pairs of shoes in the first place.

Schedule some “work around the house” time, where you can do some projects as a team. Sit down together and make a list of the top priorities in the house. Don’t leave the housework off the list! Eventually it might be ok to split your duties right down the middle, but for now you and your husband need to get a sense of what each kind of job entails. Once you have your list of jobs, tackle them together. When The Donkey and I work around the house, we constantly notice and remark on what a good team we are–who knew that scrubbing bathtubs and toilets could bring us together? Then when you work with your husband on some of the fix-it-up projects, you might get a better sense of why those projects are hard to start–hanging a shelf or fixing a broken chair isn’t necessarily as straight-forward as emptying and loading a dishwasher. Once you two are in the habit of sharing the load, you’ll feel unified, and most likely you will fall into a routine–a natural, fair way to divide your duties.

Maybe The Donkey is right, and all it will take is for you to make some yummy snacks to get your husband to start puttering around the house. On the other hand, maybe you’ll find that you like finding studs and working on projects while he takes the kids out for the day (the real back-breaking work).

Now it’s time to hear from you; how do you get work done around the house?

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