Take Your Turn
Recently I heard someone complaining about spending leisure time with his wife. She had planned two outings–both to places that he was not interested in–and he felt that they just weren’t worth the trouble. He went on the first outing grudgingly, but then flatly refused the second–it just didn’t seem like it would be fun. The man went on to complain that things with his wife weren’t going well; she was distant and often sad.
Hearing this story reminded me about a time when I had my own complaints about going out with The Donkey…
Wife: We never do anything fun.
Donkey: What do you mean? We’ve been going out on a lot more dates recently, haven’t we?
Wife: Yeah, but we always just do the same thing. All you ever want to do is go see a movie. We can’t even talk at a movie. That’s not very good for helping us connect and communicate, and shouldn’t that be the whole point? Sure, a movie is ok sometimes, but that’s all you ever want to do–why can’t we take a day trip or go mini-golfing, or do anything but just sit in a movie theater?
Donkey: When was the last time you planned one of those activities and I turned you down?
He had a point there. I was blaming him for our lack of fun, meaningful date activities, but in reality I had done nothing to ensure that we were going on those kind of dates. We discussed the issue a bit more, and decided to start taking turns being in charge of date night. I was excited to start planning the kinds of things I was interested in. At first, that’s how it worked. I would set up a date for something like mini-golfing, and he would set up a date to the movies. Our plan was working well, but it got even better. Somewhere along the line, we started making plans for each other, instead of for ourselves: I planned a date to a movie that I didn’t really care for, but that he was really excited to see. He planned an afternoon where he picked up my favorite takeout food and we ate at a little park that had hiking trails and a waterfall.
Ahh, those were the days… Now, we’re kind of back into the same old routine… showing up at the movie theater and hoping there’s something good playing. At least now I know that I have only myself to blame. I’m ready to start insisting that I get a turn to plan the date night, so I can make sure we do something fun.