Should Husbands and Wives Share Money or Keep Separate Bank Accounts?
Here’s a chance for YOU to give the advice!
Question:
Should a husband and wife share all their money or keep separate bank accounts?
Share your thoughts in the comments
Photo by Amagill
49 Responses to “Should Husbands and Wives Share Money or Keep Separate Bank Accounts?”
Husbands and wives should share all accounts! We are married after all. Then the one with the most financial sense should keep the books. That’s when the fighting starts!:)
By Jim O'Donnell on Feb 22, 2008
We’ve found an “in the middle” way works best for us. We have a joint checking account that covers all the regular expenses and income. We also have joint savings accounts. As a “subset” of our savings account, I have a discretionary account, which comes from anything extra I can bring in (I’m a stay-at-home mom so I don’t have a steady paycheck). I use this fund to pay for extra treats or fun things around the house that don’t really fit in the budget but would be nice to have. It gives me a little freedom to get those extra-budget items if I really want them, but we share the majority of our financial decisions and accounts. It works well for us!
By Emi on Feb 22, 2008
We have been married for a year and a half and we still keep separate accounts but we have access to each of them. My name is on his and his name is SUPPOSED to be on mine but he forgot to sign the paperwork to send in. He has 2 accounts and I’m not on one of them but we want to get around to combining everything. I think it’s good to have something separate so you can purchase surprises for each other and possibly little things that you want but don’t want to have to account for (like gum or a candy bar). I think you should have a joint account whether or not you also keep separate accounts for those types of things. I have a hard time keeping track of two people using one account so the laziness factor accounts for the lack of a true joint account to pay bills out of. Right now when we pay credit cards we just each pay half or I pay a little more because I make more. I’d like to eventually have everything together but it’s actually laziness and not mistrust or “divorce insurance” that we still have some things separate.
By Leslie on Feb 22, 2008
I have a secret account that my husband does not know about. I’m the one with the financial sense & am the one able to save, he spends like it’s going out of fashion.
I regularly squirrel money away into my secret account so that if anything ever happens like divorce or my husband dying then at least I have some money to help me get through.
I feel more secure and safer having this financial safety net for my son and I
By Amanda Regan on Feb 22, 2008
Together, of course. Unless you don’t trust each other, in which case you have other questions to discuss.
By Matthew on Feb 22, 2008
Yes! I don’t see how couple can truly be united if they are not united in every area. If you are married and want to stay married, work together in every area of your lives.
By Michele Schrier on Feb 22, 2008
No, they can have separate accounts, but each should be able to have axcess to them. I like having my own account so I can buy things when I want.
By Debbie on Feb 22, 2008
We have been married 8 years and have joint accounts. The only separate accounts we have are paypal…but we have access to each others.
At times it would be nice to have separate so I can surprise him with something, but I feel that can lead to “hiding” things from each other.
By Amy on Feb 22, 2008
I grew up in a separate checking account family and all I can say is what a nightmare. I thought it was horrible. Although I didn’t realize there was a different way to do it until I was married and it makes so much more sense to have joint accounts.
By chelsea on Feb 22, 2008
My hubby and I have some seperate accounts – but it all started back when we were working really hard to improve our credit individually and jointly. We both have access to everything. As for purchases, we have a rule that anything in the $100 neighborhood or above must be discussed ahead of time with the spouse. That way we can do some surprise stuff for each other – but not too big.
By Nancy on Feb 22, 2008
It depends on the couple. If one person is bad with money, then perhaps they should have their own checking account to mismanage at their will.
My wife and I have joint everything. She is not a spender, so it works great. I just update her every now and then to let her know if things are tight. Other than that, I trust her to make good financial choices.
I will say that it is always a good idea to give the wife her own stash of money that she can spend on whatever she wants. It’s hard to be surprised when she buys me a gift, because I can see the amount and the store she spent it in online.
As with everything else in a marriage, communication is key.
By Vatermann on Feb 22, 2008
We have a joint account however, I don’t think it should be. My husband had a job when we met and married and then lost it and proceeded to get about 5-6 more jobs after that. I have a good job and make excellent money so he feels’ since I am working he is entitled to the things he wants and he buys them despite my protesting that the money is set aside for bills as I am the one that pays them all I know what we have left over for those things. We also have a 20 month old son who comes first in my mind. If he needs something I get it for him. I come last in the equation and I think my husband should feel the same way however, he thinks he still comes first before everything and everyone else. We have a 3 big screen tv’s, 3 computers, xbox360, playstation, wii, games galore, movies. I don’t feel we need all this stuff but he does. Is there a happy medium when sharing an acct. I feel what we have left over should be saved for emergencies and if he could he would spend every last cent until we only had a penny to live on before the next pay check comes in.
By melissa on Feb 22, 2008
BTW, I am considering going back to separate accts. because I am more cautious then he is with our money and I am going to protect what we do have like our mortgage, car, etc..
melissa
By melissa on Feb 22, 2008
It seems kind of pointless to have two accounts unless both spouses work. In a single-working spouse home the worker might as well just give the non-worker cash or some other discretionary fund.
By karlmalone on Feb 22, 2008
I like having two separate accounts with names on both of them just so that you can buy things for each other. Also, I’m afraid if we combine accounts I’ll spend too much money and it will screw up our accounts. I like knowing how much I have based on how much I spend- it’s hard keeping track of two people’s spending.
By April J on Feb 22, 2008
My husband and I share all of our money and it works really well. Finances were a real scary point for me before we got married, but we talked about it a lot while we were engaged and have worked on it during marriage. My hubby had a lot of debt when we were marriage, but I had put myself through school without any and so I was scared about how things would work out for us. But we have a joint account and we have worked really hard to go toward the same financial goals. First we paid off all of our debt, then we saved and purchased our new home, and now we have been saving so that when our baby is born I can stay at home with my baby while my husband finishes school. It is a lot of hard work and we have to budget, but I love being financially independent, even though we have to pass on many of the things we want. Also, my hubby helps me to spend money on things that are fun and I help keep us focussed on our goals.
By Michelle on Feb 22, 2008
Great discussion. Whatever the couple decides they both have to get behind it. We did his/hers/ours because I wanted to, he just wanted ours.
You know what happened right? I maintained hers and ours and paid for “fun, girly” things with hers money but when the time came to pay for a bachelor party with his money and there was none, the response was “Well, what am I supposed to do? Not go?”
Needless to say, hers money still exists but it isn’t used to pay for day to day fun things anymore – I’m saving it for world domination.
By heather on Feb 22, 2008
Having separate accounts only encourages sneaky behavior. I guess tha could happen anyway, but I don’t want my wife saving for a divorce
By Doc on Feb 22, 2008
I’m in the “share everything” camp. Working together on our finances has brought us closer together. Separate bank accounts has never even really occurred to us. I would feel like I had something to hide or wasn’t sharing fully if we felt that we needed separate accounts (not that I’m saying those that do have something to hide – this is just how I feel).
By Lightening on Feb 22, 2008
So I’m posting again because Jack and I were talking about it today- I asked why lately he’s been wanting me to pay for things out of my account. Turns out he doesn’t like the idea of all the bills coming from his account. I think we should have 3 but I don’t think he’d like that so we agreed that I would pay some bills from mine too, and each month we can have a little “family meeting” so we’re on the same page with our finances.
By April on Feb 22, 2008
We have his, hers and ours; plus there’s another account for a project, and I have another seperate account linked to my seperate credit card.
We have to have his/hers/ours as the bloke will spend it if it’s there. I am in charge of finances, I pay bills out of our joint account; and we each get *pocket money* into our individual accounts. I have access to all of his accounts and he knows about all of mine. It works for us…
By Jodi on Feb 23, 2008
I must thank Lightening for pointing me towards your blog; very interesting discussion.
My husband and I have a joint bank account where all the bills are paid from, but we each also have our own accounts that we use to purchase gifts for each other (especially Christmas), without the other knowing the what,when,where, and “how much” even before gifts are received.
In my first marriage, having a secret bank account saved my life, allowing me to save for my divorce from an extremely abusive husband and escape with my children without his ever becoming aware of the money.
By Lin Burress on Feb 24, 2008
We have our current account (I think ‘cheking’ is = in the US) and our savings account and then I have MY account. Isn’t tha how this marriage thing works? What’s yours is mine and what is mine is my own!
In fairness he earns gazillions more than I do and I do use my account to pay some utility bills, etc.
By trashalou on Feb 24, 2008
As a practicing donkey myself, I prefer that she handle all the money and it all goes into one account. Though from a numbers perspective I make more it would be unfair for me to have more. We both work hard, she also takes care of the little donkey at home, and believe you me that is no easy task.
I just can’t see a couple not putting it all into one account.
By Ray Roman on Feb 24, 2008
Share it. If you have something to hide, then there must be trouble.
By Mel on Feb 24, 2008
Share of course!! I think that you should be able to share everything and money is included!!
By aawwmom on Feb 24, 2008
This can’t be a serious question. Let me break it down for all those in la-la-land:
1) You start off with two jobs/incomes/mouths to feed/bodies to clothe.
2) You have kids.
3) You move down to one income and three/four/+ mouths to feed/bodies to clothe.
4) You share accounts for simplicity’s sake.
5) You don’t have discretionary accounts, because who are you to put a spending limit on something anyway?
6) You drain your savings, because you don’t adjust to the new “lifestyle” and you’re still with one income.
7) Things work themselves out somehow.
By Kajagugu on Feb 25, 2008
amanda i guess you just blew the cover on your secret account. i think either way is fine it just depends what works. i do think it is important to have some kind of seperate finances so that there is some kind of freedom with spending, either an allowance or an account.
By phillyz on Feb 25, 2008
We both have our own checking and savings accounts as well as a joint checking ans savings account. Our paychecks go into our own accounts with a set amount coming out of each check going into the joint account. This way we can still purchase things the other doesn’t really approve of as long as we take it out of “our own” money. I know it’s all shared but at least this way we know the bills are taken care of from out joint accounts and we can splurge when we want to without the consent of the spouse.
On top of that, it is important to have your own bank account if you want to purchase a large sum item as a surprise. For instance, if I bought my wife an expensive bracelet I wouldn’t want her to see the bill for it before she saw the bracelet!
By Nathaniel on Feb 25, 2008
Well I shared accounts with my ex husband and it was a huge mistake. But, then again – so was he.
I think it’s important to share an account that the household bills go out of and any other joint commitments – eg. annual holidays. But, everything else should be kept seperate.
By Catherine Lawson on Feb 25, 2008
We have a joint account and then I have my paypal business account which Daddy doesn’t pay attention to but has access to if he can remember the login, lol. So I could surprise him with a man toy without him noticing.
By Mommy Daddy Blog Sheena on Mar 1, 2008
I do believe everyone should have their own account. I currently have joint accounts but, now I am going to open a secret one. My husband spends and spends and spends like we are rich. If I don’t have a job while we are transferring to a new place he bothers me until I do . I have always made more money than him and as soon as I get a job and try to pay off his credit cards he spends like a crazy person he is making me crazy. thank you for convincing me to get a special account for a rainy day.
By Saddened on Mar 7, 2008
Interesting topic!!
For 12 years, we ONLY had joint accounts. Now, we have a joint checking and savings that is for “the house.”
Last year, we each opened our own checking accounts for our “play money.”
We each got $500 from our tax return – - and could keep anything we receive from other sources besides our “normal” jobs. (Last year he started mowing lawns – - that money he keeps.) If I get money for some obscure source, that goes into my account. If we get money together, we split it. (Like a rebate check from the insurance company.) This way we can spend the money on whatever we want, without having to ask the other for “permission” – - which we DO with the “house money.”
By jhcckkm on Mar 22, 2008
I had no idea my husband was horrible with managing money until we got married and we had a joint account. Before marriage, he put on a front and it all came crashing down when we tried to buy a house and I found out his credit was terrible. I became temporary incapacitated due to a medical illness. He took the responsiblity of handling the finances. Prior to my illness, I was the breadwinner, making a steady income. He worked for as a mortgage broker. Since then he has ruined my credit & made his worse. Once I recovered, I began to find out that he didn’t pay bills on time or at all, he would purchase expensive items without my knowlege or consent & paying for this stuff, using my medical benefit payments. He also obtained credit cards in his name but added my name to the joint account. He did this because he was my power of attorney. Now I am trying to crawl out of the hole he dug and redeem my credit. In hindsight, I wish I had a separate account and used someone else to take care of my finances.
By Lexa on Apr 21, 2008
I cannot stress enough that a woman needs to protect herself financially and maintain control over her money. I am married to someone who made much more than me financially and convinced me that a “cash crunch” was preventing him from funding some private equity debt. I wrote two checks for $55K and was ok with it because I was told it would be “ours” for retirement. He lied and spent the money on his :entrepreneurial adventure disguised as a job(I never approved this) until we were insolvent and nearly bankrupt.
OK you may say I was stupid but I have an MBA. I just never knew that a person would steal from you in the name of marriage.
By Jakie on Nov 3, 2008
My husband and I never discussed about financial matters before we got married. When I was single I’ve always have a bank account on my own. Since I got married we only have 1 account and that’s my husbands account on his name on it. So, all my salaries goes to his account and I have no bank account at all. I do have 2nd card w/c I can access his account. I tried many times to ask him if I can open a separate bank account ( for security reasons ) and we split the expenses we have but everytime i open this discussion it will always end up in a huge argument and sometimes my husband threatens to divorce me… please help what to do on this case..i’m just afraid that if one day things will not work out for the 2 of us…i’ll be left with nothing and no access to the money that i’ve sent to his account including my salary aswell.
By Confuse on Jun 24, 2009
My husband and I never discussed about money matters before we got married. When I was single I’ve always have a bank account on my own. Since I got married we only have 1 account and that’s my husbands account on his name on it. So, all my salaries goes to his account and I have no bank account at all. I do have 2nd card w/c I can access his account. I tried many times to ask him if I can open a separate bank account ( for security reasons ) and we split the expenses we have but everytime i open this discussion it will always end up in a huge argument and sometimes my husband threatens to divorce me… please help what to do on this case..i’m just afraid that if one day things will not work out for the 2 of us…i’ll be left with nothing and no access to the money that i’ve sent to his account including my salary aswell.
By Confuse on Jun 24, 2009
My husband is terrible with money. We have never had a joint account and never will. He uses his account as a clearing house to cash his paychecks. He gives me his contribution to the household bills and spend every penny of the rest!
I used to put my cash on the kitchen counter by my keys when I’d get home. He started asking me for it, saying he needed gas money! Now he never sees me with cash!
By Donna on Jul 8, 2009
my hubby never shares any of the finances with me. all my salary goes to or joint account and when i ask him about showing the details all he does was turning around the matter and start accusing me and my parents saying they are responsible and i am always suspicious about him . no matter how i try to talk to him be it nice or harsh i was not able to extract any details from him. he simply says hes saving money to buy a house and i got to respect and confide in him.
i called the bank people to find out about our joint account and realise he has been transferring all of the amount into his personel account every month. i tried so much to fight back but nothing seems to really get to him. cant understand what to do really. he is settled citizen with his family here and im alone here.for now everything is going on ok. i live in a different state from him and doing job here. cant understand what to do. when he realised i called to the bank he immediately called my employer and spoke very nicely to him and he says hes doing all this for my future and kids only.
im at a loss to understand what to do
By siri on Jul 14, 2009
My husband keeps all our finances completely secret and all our accounts are seperate, he is the bread earner since I left work 3 yrs ago. He has never shared with me any of our finances and doesnt let me see what is spent, what is coming in, or where we stand financially? I have repeatedly told him that this makes me uncomfortable and that I would like to be involved in our finances, he spends like crazy and I am worried that if something were to happen to him I would have no idea what to do to simply survive?! We have been married almost 10 yrs and I have a feeling this is going to lead to a not so happy ending.
Is there some advice out there?
By julie2 on Aug 6, 2009
I was so happy to read that we all go through similar things. I was also saddend to find the control that people have over other people with money. Such as myself. My husband was incarcerated and we were married yes in there because we loved each other. For 6 years i struggleed went through hell and back to be with him. He comes back and couldn’t even spend a dime on me. I realieze its from being so selfish conditioned in there that everything is his. On the same note he led me to believe he would take care of me n b there for me. He is very responsible and saves. We split everything 50/50. I want to combine. He doesn’t want to combine because he makes it like i will spend it all. Now I AM THE ONE that needs help. I just lost my job and have no access to any $ or even his. He makes a big deal if I ask him for $20 for gas. I should not have to feel ashamed and beg for things I need right now. I mean after all the $ I spent, he cant even offer. We fight all the time cause he wants to buy things for himself and hes not ready. WELL I AM! My solution thanks to all of you is one joint account – no purchases more than $100 w/ dissusion and 2 seperate – so that we can do what we want with it.PLEASE HELP~!
By not a live in girlfriend on Oct 7, 2009
M husband and lived together for over 10 years have 3 kids just got married legally one year ago. I’m a stay at home mom. I manage all of the bills however he will not let me know what in his checking account, savings account he won’t even give me his pin #. I’m so upset i can better manage the bills if he would just let me know what’s in the accounts. Im frustrated, upset and tired of arguing about it– I really don’t know what to do.
By anon on Mar 2, 2010
We have been married for over 28 years and my husband keeps everything secret from me. We have four children together. Only recently he told me how much he is earning. I have a part time job now and the money I earn is in my account because he didn’t wanted me to put his name on it.
My name is not on any of the accounts he has, and our house is only in his name.
10 years ago we had a house in our both names, we sold it and he put the profit in his account!
He pays the bills but I am totally excluded from everything regarding money because he said it’s his money because he pays the bills, he earns the money.
I have been complaining about this to him, but he will not do anything about it.
I fill very upset and don’t feel we are really married.
Really want to pack my bags and go, only haven’t got a place to go, because I’ve spent all this years looking after our children and don’t have anything….
By Ekaerina on Mar 18, 2010
I have only been married for 5 years, my husband i have found is very controling, we use to have an account with both of our names on it, now we only have one and it has his name on it only, I went and started internet banking just to pay our car payment and a storage bill we have, well he found out and now says I have been stealing money from him and he is going to press charges on me for fraud, can he do this, I mean we are married and just because my name is not on the account does not mean I cant pay bills out of it, the money was use only for bills and nothing more !!!
By Lost beyond words on Apr 6, 2010
I recently found out that I am pregnant. My husband and I are married for almost one year. Prior to the marriage, we did not discuss in detail about his finance. I thought he was in great shape given the fact that he’s got a high paid salary job, he’s own a house and I thought the only debt he had to pay off is his student loan and the mortgage. Soon after I signed the marriage licence, I found out that he owed $90,000 dollar to his folks. I used this money to place a down payment for his house (how irresponsible?). Now, we are married. We do not share bank accounts, and he will not give me access to his bank account nor his financial information. His money goes to pay his debt, so, he has no savings.
I am pregnant, and we have a child coming. Thus far, he’s incapable of providing for the baby. I have a high paid salary that I could support myself and the baby. BUt,it’s something that I have been asking myself. If I have gotten myself into a mess because I am too gullible? Aside from the fact that we shared a marriage licence and an incoming child, what else do I actually share with this man?
By confused on Jul 14, 2010
After reading this boy am I glad, however unpleasant it may be at the moment, that I am getting a DIVORCE! I am in control of my own finances now, and remember the horrible feelings of powerlesness and the financial control he had over me before. Whoopee!!
Get out girls, its better than you think!!!!
By happygal on Jul 21, 2010