He Said She Said: Should a Husband be Forced to Wear a Wedding Ring?
My wife shelled out a whopping $60 for a wedding ring when we got married. I didn’t care that it wasn’t fancy or expensive, but I hated how it felt on my finger. I ended up losing the ring in the grass three years later while playing a game that resembled ‘fetch’ with my brother. With this loss I was reminded of how great a ringless finger feels. I enjoyed this freedom for two years until I decided to purchase a $10 replacement as a gift to my wife for our 5 year anniversary. This ring was lost within a year: one day I threw it to my wife to hold for me while I played softball–she missed and it was again lost in the grass. I was able to enjoy another three years of freedom…until recently. My wife is once again trying to get me to wear a ring, but I don’t think I should have to.
He said: What’s the point?
I really don’t have a strong argument other than I hate wearing a ring. It is uncomfortable and I am worried that I might choke on it or chip my teeth because I constantly take it off and bite it. I guess some secondary concerns include: metal poisoning, getting my finger stuck on a super-powered magnet, and of course gangrene.
I truly have no idea why my wife wants me to wear a ring anyway. The only people who try to pick me up are guys at the gym, so who cares? I don’t care if she wears a ring. In fact, I support selling it for more gift certificates to hand out to our faithful readers. I should mention that I have offered to wear a hat that says “I am married,” but she hasn’t taken me up on this offer. Sounds like it’s another case of being difficult for no reason.
She Said: If You Really Loved Me…
First of all, let me make it clear that I honored The Donkey’s explicit requests when choosing his first wedding ring. He asked me to get the smallest, thinnest, narrowest, lightest, most unobtrusive, cheapest ring I could find. Secondly, just for interest’s sake I would like to expand a bit on the way that the rings were lost. The first ring was lost in his mother’s back yard. The Donkey was entertaining his younger brothers and sisters by throwing his ring out to them and seeing who could catch it or find it first in the grass–until the time that nobody could. The “softball incident” went like this: We were getting out of the car at a park; he was heading over to the softball field, and I was going the opposite direction to take my kids to the playground. I was pushing a stroller down a steep hill when I heard The Donkey yell, “Hey Wife, hold this for me!” as he tossed his ring in the air. It was like slow motion… I could see that the ring was going to land in the grass, but I knew that if I tried to run and catch it, my son’s stroller would be barreling down the hill, directly into oncoming traffic. I chose my son over the $10 ring. I tried to memorize the spot where it fell, but by the time I rounded my kids up and went back it was too hard to find the spot again (The Donkey was busy playing, of course).
Here are a few of the reasons why I think The Donkey should wear a wedding ring:
- Because I want him to.
- He looks like a 17 year-old, and every time he goes to the mall, little teenage girls try to flirt with him …And yes, it is a bit annoying when we’re at the gym together, and other men try to hit on him–in front of me!! (He has very delicate features)
- He should be proud of the fact that he actually got married
What do you think–should The Donkey wear a wedding ring?
Cast your vote in the poll. UPDATE: This poll has been closed. See results here.
31 Responses to “He Said She Said: Should a Husband be Forced to Wear a Wedding Ring?”
Be a man. Wear the ring!
By John on Feb 6, 2008
While I think it’s sexy when a man wears a wedding ring, my husband doesn’t.
His ring no longer fits and is in the medical field and rings tend to rip gloves and carry bacteria, so we don’t want anything spread around.
BTW, we just celebrated our 8th anniversary this week and even though he doesn’t wear a ring, I know he loves me.
HOWEVER, if the wife wants it, just suck it up and do it! Spend a little more on one that fits right and won’t dig into your skin (I believe they are called comfort bands) and NEVER throw it!
By Ulibarri Family on Feb 6, 2008
Hubby doesn’t wear his ring to work…its a safety hazard. He doesn’t wear it doing mechanical work around home or yard work either. Same reason.
(none of these apply to the Donkey from what I’ve learned so far)
But whenever he gets cleaned up to go somewhere, even if its just dinner at the in-laws, he puts on his ring. Without being asked.
I figure its a symbol of his honor and respect for our marriage and for ME. Makes him that much more lovable.
By wifelikeme on Feb 6, 2008
yes the donkey should wear a ring. if you didn’t you couldn’t do this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Eb_vJeA5GE&feature=related
and I know how much you love to!
By cworth on Feb 6, 2008
I just read my wife’s retort. Clearly the ring isn’t that important if she isn’t willing to let the stroller go to save the ring.
By The Donkey on Feb 6, 2008
A wedding ring is symbolic! Its worn on the finger that has the only vein connecting from our finger to our heart. By not wearing it your not showing your connection or your commitment. I once knew someone who stopped wearing there ring and it lead to not coming out at night, sooner or later he never came home. Dont be another statistic!
By Lucy on Feb 6, 2008
From a religious and gospel perspective, I would be surprised if there was anything in scripture that indicates that one must wear a wedding ring. In fact in many official religious weddings including LDS and Eastern Orthodox, the exchange (even the presence) of a ring is not part of the ceremony, but exchanges should be performed later.
In many cultures, rings on the fingers are not even used. There are many cultures that do not use rings at all, and the Hindus typically use a toe ring rather than a finger ring.
Neither the presense nor absence of a simple physical symbol like a ring does not prevent or encourage infidelity nor indicate a married couples commitment to each other. The key is rather what is etched on the person’s heart. If someone wants a practical physical symbol of commitment, may I suggest a locked chastity belt.
By Karlmalone on Feb 6, 2008
I bet your not really Karl Malone
By Lucy on Feb 6, 2008
“Because I want him to.”
… that’s hard to argue.
“He looks like a 17 year-old, and every time he goes to the mall, little teenage girls try to flirt with him …”
… and you believe a wedding ring would stop other girls/women to flirt with him??????
“He should be proud of the fact that he actually got married”
Then at least he should be wearing a ring that would make him proud too and not a shitty ring from “one buck chuck”.
By Anonymous on Feb 7, 2008
This is a good one.
I once read that the first thing a woman looks at in a man is his left hand. Not face, not haird, not butt. left hand. I didn’t understand why until I asked my wife. I was floored that this was such a priority for women.
I wear my wedding ring all the time. I only take it off to sleep (my wife is there), to shower and bathe my kid or to play golf (can’t putt with it or swing a club right).
I love wearing my ring, to be honest. It is a constant reminder of who I am and where my priorities lie.
If your wife wants you to wear it – do it!
By KajaPoker on Feb 7, 2008
My husband was sooo excited to have his ring, he wanted to wear it before we got married to show he was taken. But honestly, from my experience, wearing a ring doesn’t really stop people from hitting on you… they don’t even notice most of the time.
But I do think it’s a good way to symbolically show your love for your significant other. But maybe it doesn’t have to be a ring if you find them so incredibly uncomfortable… maybe like an engraved watch or something… I dunno.
By <3 April J. on Feb 7, 2008
Try finding a ‘comfort fit’ band. My husband and I both have that kind. Apparently they don’t usually make women’s rings that way, but my husband got them to make mine specially that way, which I appreciate because like the Donkey, rings are a bit uncomfortable for me. I never wore decorate rings in high school or college, so my engagement and wedding rings are the only I’ll ever wear. It means a lot to my husband that I do… I think the Wife’s “I want him to” is the most compelling argument here. Just do it.
Although Donkey, you forgot another potential hazard – if your ring is a soft metal like gold, and you got your hand stuck in an elevator door, the metal would crush around your finger. Add that to your list of dangers!
By Sarah Marie on Feb 7, 2008
If you were really a man, you could just have a wedding ring tatoo’d onto your finger. Problem solved.
By Kat on Feb 7, 2008
I think the hat is a great idea! Hat’s are very symbolic…especially when the meaning is written on it (“I’m married”) – donkey, if you get a hat that says that and wear it for a week, Mike and I will treat you and The Wife to dinner
By Karen Rich on Feb 7, 2008
i can’t believe i’m actually supporting chris this time! usually i’m on nancy’s side…i like josh to wear his ring (and he does 99% of the time) but if he really didn’t want to then i’d be ok with that.
By Sara Kelley on Feb 7, 2008
I read this book where some chick sewed a little heart charm on the inner cuff of her boyfriends shirt so he’d always “wear her heart on his sleeve” maybe you can do that… It’s a reminder to you but not as uncomfortable.
By <3 April J. on Feb 7, 2008
I reluctantly voted for “Yes.” I don’t think the donkey should be forced to wear a ring by anyone else, especially poll results.
However, if HE chose to wear a ring because he LOVES his wife and knows it is important to her, how great would that be??
I agree with the previous posters about the comfort band. That is what my husband has. It is more expensive, so maybe you won’t be as likely to throw it into the grass! Also, my husband lost his first ring while rafting (don’t wear it in cold water), and purposefully had his second ring sized smaller so he could not easily remove it (he also had a habit of flicking it off and spinning it around). Good luck!
By Anonymous on Feb 8, 2008
yeah. gold’s not magnetic. just sayin’! one concern aleved. wear the ring…
(love the blog… still trying to think of a worthy question for you all!)
By Connie Carpenter Macko on Feb 8, 2008
the “being difficult for no reason” is about you donkey…you are right, you are difficult.
By celine on Feb 10, 2008
Try a titanium ring. My brother-in-law got one as his “training” ring when he first married my sister because he doesn’t like wearing jewelry. He loves it now because it is very light and super strong. If an elevator door closed the ring would probably stop it. Titanium is also relatively cheap.
By Maria on Feb 15, 2008
Clearly I am very late for this particular party, but I’ve never given up the chance to throw my two cents in before and I’m not about to start now.
My husband wears a ring and I do not. I also think he has been looking forward to getting married since he was in the womb. I, on the other hand, hate rings. (Not to look at, to wear.) I do have an engagement ring/wedding ring combo that I wear on very special occasions or when we’re visiting my mother-in-law. He wears his from the moment he wakes up until he goes to bed, even though we both work from home and only see eachother and the kids.
I’m going to look into the hat idea, though. That I could get into.
By Naomi Dunford on Feb 15, 2008
I too hated wearing rings. It’s too heavy and I literally feel I couldn’t breathe. We had inexpensive rings, which is good because I lost mine three days after I got it. (Do I need to say the husband and I eventually separated?)
However, I totally agree with wife’s reason #1. This kind of wife-reasoning is infallible.
Donkey, pleeeease CHOOSE to wear the ring and the hat! CHOOSE TO because WIFE SAID SO! LOL
(Next time around, I’ll have my ring SOLDERED. Now wifey, don’t get any funny ideas for donkey’s hoof there.)
By Kat on Feb 17, 2008
You should wear the ring because it makes your wife happy.
They make nicer rings that are made to be comfortable. You may want to try one on for size. Or as an alternative you could get a ring tattoo and then you will both win. You won’t have to wear anything that is uncomfortable with the exception of the initial pain and you will clearly be off the market.
By Steph on Mar 24, 2008
I’m having the same delima with my fiance right now. I haven’t argued the point because my issue is with the fact that he doesn’t WANT to wear the ring. This is the second marriage for both of us and he wore his ring every day for 10 years with his first wife. I take this very personally and I feel rejected and devalued by his decision. This is so hurtful to me that I have been reconsidering the marriage.
By Angela on Apr 17, 2008
My husband and I are approaching our first anniversary. Last night I noticed he was not wearing his ring. He said that because he works in the farm industry it’s just not practical and he hates the way it feels. He says it does not mean he loves me less but basically said he won’t put it back on. He carries it in his jeans pocket instead. I myself can’t get over this. I’ve been crying all night/morning. Am I over-reacting? Is this a sign that he wants to appear single? If he loved me enough would he wear it to make me happy?
By Stephani on Jun 24, 2008
Stephani, I say you are overreacting. Working in certain industries like farming, automotive, construction etc, it is just flat out dangerous to wear a ring.
This is my personal opinion on the subject of rings…I think it should be a personal choice if one wants to wear one or not. And a guy has a right to not like wearing a ring.
I hate the way a watch feels on my wrist, it feels awkward…so I don’t wear a watch. When we got married my husband said he didn’t like the feeling of having a ring on and I don’t blame him so I said don’t wear it. We used a cheapo for the ceremony and that was it, he put it up for safekeeping. To not have something on your finger for all those years and then bam have it on it, it would feel weird.
Some people use the “but it shows he loves me or it shows other women he’s married” argument. I don’t believe the ring signifies anything. I don’t need to mark my husband.
A man is either faithful or he isn’t, a ring doesn’t factor in. If a woman hits on my husband when he’s out, so be it. It’s up to him to say hey I’m flattered, but I’m married.
And Stephani, you asked “if he loved me enough, would he wear it to make me happy” I think it could be reversed and the question asked “if you loved him enough would you agree for him not to wear to make him happy”
Bottom line is it sounds like it might be about more than the ring if you have doubts over something like that.
By Shannon on Jun 24, 2008
I nosticed my husband was not wearing his wedding ring.He told me he lost the ring.I feel rejected and hurt.He don’t care that the is lost.He say he doesn;t want to wear a ring anyway.I;ve been cryin all night.
By jessica on Nov 24, 2008
I nosticed my husband was not wearing his wedding ring.He told me he lost the ring.I feel rejected and hurt.He don’t care that the ring is lost.He say he doesn;t want to wear a ring anyway.I;ve been cryin all night.HE don;t care.
By jessica on Nov 24, 2008
My Wife does not care quite so much if I wear her wedding ring because she requires me to wear a CB-3000 chastity device. A wedding rang can be taken off, this can’t.
By cb3000 on Nov 28, 2008
That’s cool, I wish I had a wife like that-
By Bryan on Apr 22, 2010
THis question is interesting because she needs to get to the heart of why he does not wear the ring. If he might not be answering her honestly she should look at his other behaviors – that will give her the answer. If he shamelessly flirts with the teenage girls that look at him and stares at every women that goes by than perhaps she is right to be concerned he does not wear his ring. Men and women think differently. No one instance can provide insight into someone else’s thoughts. Actions mean more than words- always.
By runner on Apr 29, 2010