Marriage Advice: Understanding Your Wife’s Pregnancy Symptoms
Here’s where we answer our readers’ questions. Please don’t blame us if our suggestions don’t work for you; you’re the one taking advice from a donkey.
Pregnancy Pain
Dear Donkey and Wife
My wife is pregnant with our first child. It seems like she picks up new symptoms each day. I am concerned that the symptoms are just a result of what she thinks she should be feeling based on what her friends tell her and what she reads online. Could it be imaginary?
-Doubting Daddy
He Says
With the advent of the Internet came a lot of great things: catching up on your favorite sports team, finding directions to a restaurant, videos of pranks, and much more. But the Internet also provides a lot of undesirable information too. I believe that a lot of the symptoms your wife experiences are in fact in her head. I also believe that the book is the least of your problems. You have to look no further than your computer to find the culprit of your wife’s symptoms. No doubt she spends a lot of time online looking up pregnancy sites, blogs about women who are pregnant, and a host of other nonsense-laden information pages. Try this: disable your Internet at home. Tell your wife that you will call to have it fixed, but delay this as long as possible – preferably for a week. Keep track of all the new symptoms she comes up with. I guarantee your wife’s symptoms will decrease and you will be much happier.
She Says
Here is my advice for you (and for The Donkey): Go to medical school. Try to pay real close attention when they explain that during pregnancy a living being is growing inside a woman’s body. Then see if you are still shocked that your wife is vomiting one day, has a stuffy nose the next day, and gets heartburn and leg cramps every night.
Here is my advice for your wife–or any other pregnant women out there: Some men get really excited to learn about the stages of pregnancy and what is going on with the little baby. Other men have a hard time dealing with things they can’t see or fully understand. I have experience dealing with the latter (shocking, right?). In that case, the key is just don’t expect your husband to be sympathetic! And certainly don’t expect that the more you tell him about your symptoms the more sympathetic he will be. Instead, you need to find someone who does understand what you’re going through–like a woman who has been through it. If you let someone else play that sympathetic role, then you and your husband can have other types of conversations about the pregnancy–like how exciting it is, what the baby’s name should be, and how you’re going to rotate diaper duty.
Do you have more advice for Doubting Dad? Share it in the comments!
Have a question for The Donkey and The Wife? Contact us and ask away.
10 Responses to “Marriage Advice: Understanding Your Wife’s Pregnancy Symptoms”
I have to agree with the Wife on this one (the part about the sympathy). Obviously, the father is not being sympathetic or empathetic enough to the new mother. She isn’t coming down with more symptoms, she is trying different tactics to get sympathy, because the father isn’t responding.
She doesn’t need solutions she just needs to be listened to. It’s okay to say that you have no idea what she must be going through, as long as you acknowledge how hard it must be.
By Vatermann on Feb 18, 2008
Oh Donkey, if that husband took your advice, he’d have worse problems! That last thing you want to do is cut a pregnant woman off from her connection sources – even if those connections are making her a hypochondriac.
It may be true that she’s making it up, or maybe she’s just pregnant. Pregnant women are not stable. Pregnant women are like women on their period, times 100.
The best thing to do is:
1) listen
2) repeat what you heard so she knows you’re listening.
3) say “Uh huh”, “oh honey”, and “is there anything I can do?”
4) listen some more
5) then say, “tell me more about it.”
6) then listen more
7) lastly, say, “you’re such an awesome woman to go through all of this for our baby!”
That’s it. Then, if you are secretly fuming, be studly and keep it in. It’s sexy when a guy doesn’t get bent out of shape about something.
One of the most common compliments that I hear women say about their hubbies is, “He is so calm when he’s stressed out, and he never lets things bug him. I can trust him to take care of things when I’m panicking.” Be that for your lady – let her panic, and then be the studly guy who she can be a pregnant hypochondriac around.
By TammyT on Feb 18, 2008
This post makes me laugh because I am pregnant with my first child. All I can say is that I really do have about a million new symptoms every day and my husband better not have posted this question! haha But seriously, men don’t understand what pregnancy does to a woman and wow, hormones are just out of whack too. I’m grateful that my husband is so patient… I think when the wife is complaining about this or that aching…the husband should just give her a back rub…that sounds good to me
By Michelle on Feb 18, 2008
My wife never had any problems or symptoms. I even sometimes forgot she was pregnant because she never complained and functioned better than when she wasn’t pregnant. She was happier and had even more energy.
By P on Feb 19, 2008
imaginary symptoms are one thing, but i really love when it goes in reverse and simple symptoms turn into major diseases. suddenly a little diahrea turns into a parasite found in the jungles of south america, but she got it from our tap water. or a headache and slight numbness becomes mini-strokes.
By phillyz on Feb 20, 2008
A pregnant woman is super beautiful. I am absolutely sure that men would have far worse symptoms if they had to go through it.
By karlmalone on Feb 22, 2008
Hey P, My husband would say the same thing about me! But, I am sure that your wife, like I did, had moments of feeling like utter crap. She probably knew it wasn’t worth complaining to you about because you (like my husband) would be unlikely to show any sympathy.
By melcb on Apr 27, 2008
Wow. I can not believe what that flippin’ donkey posted. That is awful! Doubting Daddy, you’re wife may very well be feeling every symptom she’s mentioned or maybe not so much. Either way who cares?! I am pregnant right now in my 9th month and have the best husband in the world. Be supportive and the best thing to do is listen. Many of my friends whom are pregant I’ve watched suffer through the very early months so she just might be. Just take care of her. That Donkey is an Ass!
By Shake it on May 16, 2008
I am 29 weeks pregnant and came across this website because I was looking for other women who are experiencing husbands with a lack of sympathy. I guarantee if my husband felt the way I do for just one day he would be curled up in bed thinking he is dying! I’m totally serious. Last night I was telling him my hip hurt really badly (I have issues with the joint) He said “okay” – I haven’t spoken to him since. Okay? Help me out here! Ugh!
By Angela on Oct 24, 2008