He Said She Said: Should a Husband and Wife have an Equal Allowance?
Dining Out Dilemma
We are not the richest people in the world; we have enough to meet our needs, and a bit more for extras. We are fairly budget conscious and have spending limits set for various categories–food, clothing, dates, etc. One area that gives us trouble is our weekly personal eating out allowance. As The Donkey has mentioned before, we are each allowed $10 for random food purchases during the week–this includes things like fast food, a candy bar, or a Slurpee. It is separate from our spending limit for other food purchases like groceries or going out to dinner together. Today’s debate is whether or not The Wife should get an increase in her weekly eating out allowance, since she usually has to buy food for the kids as well.
He Said: It’s not fair
You might be thinking that this is an open and shut debate, but hear me out. Ten dollars should be more than enough to cover incidental food purchases for my wife and the children. It may seem like I get more to spend on myself, but that’s how it should be–I will always need to spend more than her. And here’s why: first, I am not just sitting around hordes of food in my office. In fact, technically I don’t think I can have food in my office. The luxury of pulling out some bon bons while watching tv isn’t something afforded to me. Second, sometimes I forget or don’t have time to make lunch. Most people at work have wives who make their lunch, but that is another luxury not afforded to me. I am fine with that, but my allowance needs to be a little higher since there are times when lunch doesn’t get made. Third, part of work is socializing. I need to go out with the guys and build relationships that will enable me to get work done. One group of work friends bring lunch while the other buys lunch. I need to intermingle with these groups. Finally, I go straight from work to school at least 3 nights a week and have done so for quite a few years. I don’t think I could mentally stand eating peanut butter sandwiches for lunch and dinner. I don’t have an oven or personal fridge that I can utilize, so I can I make a variety of foods each day? Given these constraints, I find it quite amazing that my average weekly food spending in 2007 was close to $8/week – this is true, my wife ran the numbers. So if my wife truly needs an increase, then so do I–I will always need more than she needs.
She Said: Is this a joke?
Do I even need to write anything?! It is actually pretty rare that I go out to eat during the day, but when I do, I certainly need more money than The Donkey. Let’s not forget that wherever I go I have 3 little boys with me. And little boys don’t usually like it when you eat in front of them without buying them anything. Of course my budget should include extra money for their needs. As for The Donkey’s arguments–you should know that he gets free lunch at work at least once a week, and often more. In fact, he gets taken out to business lunches so often, that when our date night does roll around, he is typically not even in the mood to eat at a restaurant. I have offered to make him lunches, but he refuses to eat sandwiches. He also has makes regular trips to Costco, where he stocks up on snacks for the stash that he does have in his office (these snacks come out of our grocery budget). Clearly, he is using his food allowance so he can socialize with friends. I am using my money for those days when I am out and about and can’t get home by lunch time and little kids are screaming from hunger. Clearly, I need more money than a donkey who just likes to dine in style.
What do you think? Now that you’ve heard both sides, vote in the poll below.
UPDATE: This poll is now closed. View results here.
21 Responses to “He Said She Said: Should a Husband and Wife have an Equal Allowance?”
All things being equal…would the donkey have a problem spending *his* money on food for everyone on the rare occasion that he has the 3 boys with him??? Perhaps the donkey should run HIS errands on a Saturday, with 3 little boys, and try NOT buying them something when he’s hankering for a Slurpee.
By wifelikeme on Feb 27, 2008
what a bunch of half truths! Believe me, I don’t go out for free all the time and I enjoy going out to eat with my wife for dinner. This was the case 2-3 years ago, but not anymore. I also would welcome a sandwich every week, just not every day. I do not have a huge stash of goodies. I currently have a few protein bars. please understand this dilemma
By The Donkey on Feb 27, 2008
I remember going around with my mom on errands and such. Have you ever tried telling a 16 year old, a 12 year old, an 8 year old, and a 6 year old that no, they can’t have anything, but mommy can? Each person in your family needs the allowance. And not most guys get their lunches made for them. I will attest to that!
By Cass on Feb 27, 2008
Ok, he’s right; he only has a guaranteed free lunch at work once per week, and the other free business lunches have decreased over the last couple years. I don’t mind admitting to those points, since they weren’t my main arguments anyway
By The Wife on Feb 27, 2008
Sorry Donkey, she needs more money. I have 3 kids myself and it costs quite a bit more to feed 4 mouths than just one!
OH, and the “bon bons while watching tv” argument doesn’t help your case at all. Even if she DID do that, do you think she could eat them without kids begging for some? Again, costs more money to feed 4 mouths!
By Amy on Feb 27, 2008
Sorry Donkey,I must agree with the rest of the comments The Wife has more responsibility for hungry mouths than you do.On days that The wife doesn’t make you a sandwich,you can make it yourself.To socialize at work you don’t need to go out to lunch.
By Mark on Feb 27, 2008
What if nobody gets an increase, but the wife drops the kids off to have lunch with the donkey a few times a week. Then he’ll see how far her allowance *doesn’t* go!
By Megan on Feb 27, 2008
I love Peggy Bundy references. I must say the Donkey makes the better argument, going from work to school means he will need to eat out at least a couple of times a week. However $10 is not enough to feed 4 people. I suggest that you each stick to the $10 and add a separate budget for the kids. if the amount is increased it should be the same for both.
By phillyz on Feb 27, 2008
Gosh, this one is really hard.
1. Donkey should make his own lunch for work.
2. Allocate the kids money separately. That way it has nothing to do with anyone else’s spending money.
By Lightening on Feb 27, 2008
Why don’t you both get an increase? Granted, the wifes should be more because she is feeding the kids, but eating out can get expensive and if you have a typical man appetite it can cost you $4-6 for one meal easily.
By April on Feb 27, 2008
Wow….love the little “stabs” he takes at his wife during his argument. Men never understand what a wife goes through, and what it takes to run a household and take care of children. They think the wife has it so easy (eating their bon bons at home) and that they are the only hard workers. Listen to him feeling sorry for himself like he has it so bad!!! Donkey, you need to appreciate your wife and realize how hard she works, too!!!
By tired on Feb 27, 2008
The Donkey should get more money, because men burn more calories then women and therefore need to eat more. It’s a fact. When I am out during the day with my son I bring food for him that way I don’t spend money on junk food he doesn’t need anyway. This is a good way to save money and make sure he eats healthy.
The Donkey’s point about needing food to keep him going through out the day is also valid. While learning you need to make sure you have enough energy to stay mentally engaged.
By P on Feb 27, 2008
just add a separate allowance for the kids
By Karen on Feb 27, 2008
I think neither argument discusses the real question. The donkey’s comment about bon-bons was a low blow, but his point that when his wife is at home she has easier access to more food options is valid. I’m a stay-at-home mom now, but when I was working at an office I vividly remember the peer pressure to eat out as part of day-to-day business, and even sometimes to take my colleagues out for lunch to build trusting relationships in a less formal atmosphere. There is an extra cost involved in being a professional (not just food, but often wardrobe, transportation, etc.). That said, I believe the donkey has more control over his situation than he would like us to believe–he can control his spending (he proved that by averaging $8/week in 2007), he can bring his lunch, he can eat out at inexpensive places, and he can and does bring snacks to work, etc.
As for the wife, I sympathize with her argument since her opportunity to eat out is limited more than the donkey’s by her budget since she has additional people to pay for. Although she is a stay-at-home mom, no one actually believes that stay-at-home moms are always at home, and when one is out of the house during the day when everyone gets hungry, there is a lot of pressure to get food NOW and often the option to go home and eat is not feasible. However, she (like the donkey) has more control over her circumstances than she would like us to believe and can bring lunch along, buy snacks at Costco and stash them in the car, plan her schedule in advance so that she’s home when she knows everyone will want to eat, go to the grocery store instead of going out to a restaurant, etc.
I honestly don’t think it matters one way or another whether the budget is increased for either person since you both seem technically able to manage within your current budget and it’s not really a question of who “needs” the additional money. Is the point that the wife wants to have the option to eat out as often as the donkey? If so, that’s another question. The new debate would then be: Should the wife be able to eat out as often as the donkey does? And if that’s the question, and she feels the answer is “yes,” then what will the family have to sacrifice to get that done and is it worth it?
I do like the idea suggested above of having a separate budget for the kids–maybe a babysitting/eating out budget so that when the wife wants to run errands that will take her out through lunchtime she can either get a babysitter or take the kids along with her for lunch out?
By Bethany on Feb 28, 2008
I’m sorry Donkey, I am with the wife on this one. I work full time in a professional career and I take my lunch almost every day. My husband is a full time student and he does the same. We take turns making lunches or else we make them together, but it really does save a lot of money. Plus, I typically work through lunch and so it saves time to have food handy. I’m sure your office has a fridge in it somewhere that you can put food in (even if you don’t have a personal fridge). Often what we will do is take leftovers as lunch for a few days. I understand that every once in a while it is important to go out to eat with coworkers, but $10 each week should be more than fine for that. I also know that eating out adds up quickly so my hubby & I have really tried to cut back on our eating out. Plus, it’s healthier.
I can’t say much on the wife’s side, since I don’t have kids yet, but her argument seems a lot more reasonable. Sorry Donkey.
By Michelle on Feb 28, 2008
Why are you even comparing your allowances? Donkey’s allowance should be based on how much he needs, regardless of what The Wife gets, and vice versa.
Being a Wife who is on the road doing errands just like countless other stay-at-home Wives, I can attest that money to get occasional fast food — and enough for the kids too — is a must. Sometimes it’s just NOT POSSIBLE to be home at lunch time!
By Ginkgo100 on Feb 29, 2008
Donkey
Kids do not need fast food. Pack some fruit!
By chad on Mar 3, 2008