Lesson 16: That Old Thing?
Several months ago I cautioned husbands about a question they might be asked by their wives: Why do you love me? Today’s lesson is on a similar vein and equally important.
Lesson 16: Don’t compliment your wife for how she looks in outfits she used to wear that no longer fit
My wife and I were on a date a while ago and we got into a conversation about how I rarely compliment her. I do have a habit of saying something like, “oh yeah, the other day I noticed that you looked nice, but I forgot to tell you.”
She tried to help: “Well, take a moment now then; tell me about some times that you would usually think I looked nice, or looks that you especially like or notice.” I struggled to find meaning to what she just said, but she realized and offered more help: “What kind of outfits do I look nice in? Or how do you like my hair best? Give me some specifics.”
I was silent for a while. “Well, I usually feel pretty attracted to you when you’re pregnant.”
“OK…” she responded.
I had a feeling I hadn’t said enough yet. I continued, “And I really liked that blue jogging outfit you used to wear.”
“That’s it?” She asked, “You thought I looked nice back when I was pregnant or when I wore that blue jogging outfit–which was about two years ago, since it is now too small for me? That’s it?!?”
I hadn’t realized it had been 2 years. In fact, I was quite surprised. “Well, no… wasn’t there also a pink jogging outfit?”
I was right; there had been a pink jogging outfit, but apparently it was the same size as the blue jogging outfit and also wasn’t something that currently fit.
She said, “So the only 2 outfits you can think of–other than maternity clothes–haven’t fit me in 2 years. That’s great to know.”
I tried to think of other outfits, but I just couldn’t. After several minutes, my wife ended the torture and explained that women don’t want to be reminded that they are fatter than they used to be. I agreed with her, but I started wondering why women wouldn’t want to be remembered at their best state–even if it was 2 years ago and 20 pounds lighter? Luckily I decided not to argue this point, and I accepted what my wife was telling me.
My suggestion: Take note of what is in your wife’s closet before you start listing what looks best on her. And if you aren’t good with specifics, keep it general–like, “I love it when you wear blue, because it brings out the color in your eyes.” (Just be sure you check out her eye color before trying this one.)
3 Responses to “Lesson 16: That Old Thing?”
I keep a photo of my wife in my wallet. If she ever says anything like this, I pull out the photo and say “look like this”
By LiteMike on Jan 11, 2008
i like to say her halloween costumes, but i describe them as if they are real clothes so she has to guess for a while. for example, i will say oh that black dress you have, she will wonder which and ask for more details and i will say, it is long and and loose fitting, this goes on until she gets annoyed realizing it is her witch costume.
By phillyz on Jan 11, 2008
The Donkey;s admonition to feature only a picture of your wife on your desk reminded me of Tony, he president of his own one man PR firm.
Tony, in his 50’s at the time, kept a picture of his young girlfriend on his desk. On the rare occaions Tony’s wife visited, her picture replaced the grlfriend’s.
Ton lived into his early 80’s with the same wife and different girlfriend despite the strain of living a double life.
I’m not passing moral judgement because I used to know married men who kept girlfriends on the side. One young man came home at 4 a.m. after a tryst with another woman. As he unbottoned his shirt, his wife woke up and said, “oh, you’re going to work early this morning.” My friend replied “yes,” buttoned up this shirt and headed into New York again.
Wife advice? Don’t know Perhaps others might like to comment on what it’s like to be in love with another while married.
By Ransom Place on Jan 24, 2008