Mother-in-law To The Rescue
Here’s a chance for YOU to give the advice.
A friend of ours (”Jack”) told a story a month or so ago about the first time his mother-in-law (”Fran”) visited the house. Jack and his wife had only been married for a year-and-a-half and just had their first baby. They were both students struggling to make ends meet. Fran had volunteered to stay at the house to help out with the baby. Jack and his wife were really happy about this and accepted the offer.
Fran came to the house and immediately began running errands, cooking meals, and cleaning the house. She even organized a big get-together with the family and went out and purchased and cooked a grand feast (roast, potatoes, veggies, desserts). Jack and his wife couldn’t have been happier…until 2 weeks later when they received an envelope from Fran.
The envelope included a pile of receipts and a letter. The receipts had circles around some of the items. Fran’s letter thanked Jack and his wife for having her over, then requested payment for all of her expenses: food, baby supplies, baby clothes, and even an itemized gas bill for the miles used to drive around during the errands. Jack and his wife were shocked because the bill was more than $200.
“Why is she charging us for a party she threw,” asked Jack. “I don’t know,” replied his wife, “but I am shocked.” Jack’s wife called her siblings, and they confirmed that Fran had also been charging them for her visits over the years. Jack didn’t know what to do.
Question: What would you do if you were Jack?
Let us know in the comments…
17 Responses to “Mother-in-law To The Rescue”
This is shocking. I would not pay the blood money and probably never let her visit again.
By Anonymous on Dec 6, 2007
I can’t even believe this. I would pay the money then tell her how I felt and then turn down any future offers of help.
By P on Dec 6, 2007
Jack? Jack is the son-in-law. He needs to have his wife initiate that conversation with her mother.
By Anonymous on Dec 6, 2007
Yeah - whoever’s mother it is need to call said mother and have a frank chat. Tell her that you didn’t expect this bill and therefore had not budgeted for it. Tell her that you will not be paying it because you thought that what she was doing was a gift. Tell her that next time she comes you’ll be sure to keep this in mind and by the way - THERE IS NO NEXT TIME!!!!
By Nancy Sabina on Dec 6, 2007
Sorry MIL, but we can’t afford your kind of “love”. We’ll send pictures of your grandchild.
By Anonymous on Dec 6, 2007
I would not pay this bill and have the daughter have an upfront talk to the mother about this. This is wrong and should have been told to them in the first place. I would never accept this kind of behaviour unless there was a reason behind it, and I knew before hand. Otherwise, sorry mother you don’t get to see your grandchildren! That wife needs to grow a spine.
By Nicole on Dec 6, 2007
I would simply send an itemized bill for her stay at my hotel/house. I would charge for water, electric, room, etc. by the end of the visit i would probably end up making the profit.
By phillyz on Dec 6, 2007
option #1 - pretend they never got the letter, then send back a beautiful thank you card and letter, gushing about how much they appreciated her generous gift of time and attention, and how much it means to them that she took care of the little things while they could take care of *their* new little thing. Hopefully MIL will be shamed into never bringing it up again. And NEVER accept her offer of ‘help’ or have her in their home over night again.
Option #2 - pay her back in $5 installments. They *are* struggling students after all. Send a baby photo and a $5 check every month. And NEVER accept her offer of ‘help’ or have her in their home over night again.
What surprises me most is that Jack and his wife had no clue about her mother’s personality. How could this have not come up “over the years?” Why didn’t one of her siblings say, “and when she offers to come and stay, SAY NO!”
By wifelikeme on Dec 6, 2007
this is June Cleaver meets Donald Trump…quite a business woman. Good for her.
By celine on Dec 6, 2007
This woman has a few screws loose. He should say yes and then charge his mother in law $50 every time she wants her diaper changed when she is old.
By LiteMike on Dec 6, 2007
You could treat it as a joke — “Ha! Good one, Mom. you ARE valuable, we see that.” It could be a joke after all.
But if it’s not, I think you have to say out loud how wacky the concept of a bill for services is. Then offer her a deal — she can choose to be reimbursed for her time and expenses, and then she can bid for the job of seeing her grandkids like a professional nanny would; or she can see her grandkids like a normal person and stop the huckster routine.
By Kurt on Dec 6, 2007
This is definitely a real scenario. I will let you know what this person decided to do and what has happened since. I’ll see if I can get him to leave a comment tonight. Keep the ideas coming.
By The Donkey on Dec 6, 2007
This is beyond INSANE! Not even MY mom would do something like it.
Ignore the bill, what is she going to do? Take them to small claims court?
By mrs. everything on Dec 8, 2007
I would send her an official form (with a letterhead designed especially for the couple) regretting to inform the mother in law that the charges would not be reimbursed because the were not pre-approved. I would also include a detailed form for future pre-approvals including requests for the the item, maximum price, justification and the ratio of the item’s price divided by income + assets of the mother in law compared to the same value for the married couple. I would also send a notice that there would be no guarantees any charges would be pre-approved in the future, and that a service fee of $26.50 would be incurred for every form evaluation, regardless of its final approval status.
By maxeverything on Dec 10, 2007
I’m still anxiously waiting for a follow-up on this post. I’m dying to know what happened for real.
By Nancy Sabina on Dec 11, 2007
I would pay the money the first time. Telling her this:
“Just to let you know, there was no verbal contract and legally, I owe you nothing. Quite frankly, I’m offended that would do such a thing without informing us that we would indeed be paying for it all. In the future, if you are to try the same thing again, I request that you tell us exactly what we will be charged for ahead of time. Otherwise, you will receive nothing. It is also unreasonable to ask for money from us simply for you to visit your own daughter and grandchild. If your only motivation to see us is that we will pay you for your time, then you just stay at home.”
Basically, just pay her, tell her it wasn’t cool and that it will likely never happen again and if all she cares about is money she go go be alone for the rest of her life.
It’s one thing to say “Hey, the baby need diapers, If I go get some would you pay me back?” it’s a completely different thing to turn around and give them a bill after everything is said and done. what is she going to do if they don’t pay? Take them to court?
A grandmother shouldn’t be like that. She should be happy to help out her daughter and grandchild. Period
By Nathaniel on Dec 11, 2007
Tell the wife she needs to get a PT job to pay back Mom. In the meantime, see if you can set up a payment plan. Also track any hours you do anything for or with her so you can bill her back.
$$ are the fibers family is built on.
By Karlmalone on Dec 11, 2007