He Said She Said: Can a Household Necessity be Given as a Gift?
Just What I Always Wanted
She Said: I was about to buy that anyway
It’s not uncommon for The Donkey to struggle with choosing my Christmas gifts. Since he’s so frugal (read:the ultimate cheapskate), he has a hard time buying me anything that he doesn’t deem to be an absolute necessity. So of course, things like spa packages, jewelry, and flowers don’t make the cut. He could buy me clothes, but he would rather avoid the awkwardness of giving me something 3 times my actual size. “Besides,” he wonders, “what’s wrong with all the clothes you’ve been wearing since you were in college?” What’s a donkey left to do? Why, take a peek at my shopping list of course. And I’m not talking about my fanciful wishlist of all those items I would love to have, but would never buy for myself–I’m talking about my current, working shopping list–you know, the stuff I’m planning to pick up next time I’m at Wal-mart: “A new quart-sized saucepan? That should make a nice gift,” he plots, “Toothpicks and matches? Perfect stocking stuffers.”
So, I’m “surprised” on Christmas morning with one or two items that have already been designated as family needs. Hardly a gift, unless by “gift” you mean, “Here you go honey, this should save you a trip down one of the aisles next time you’re at the grocery store.”
He Said: You asked for it
First of all, can I help it if the only Christmas list I have to go off of is on the fridge? It’s not my fault I can’t get a wish list from her. Second, the saucepan incident wasn’t recounted accurately. It is true that we agreed that a saucepan was in order. But it’s also true that my wife told me to get the pan for her for Christmas. She neglected to mention this fact. And even if she didn’t specifically ask for the pan, what is the problem? Is it really that different from the spa package she mentioned? A new saucepan makes her life easier, while also benefiting the whole family. Isn’t this true of the spa package? She gets a little pampering, and the whole family receives the benefit of a wife and mother who is not in a crabby mood.
And what about the tools I get for Christmas? I don’t even ask for them. I am pretty sure my kids are coaxed each year to get this stuff for me so my wife can eliminate any excuse I could use for not fixing things. She counts these as gifts. At least the saucepan isn’t sitting unopened in my closet.
I am not sure how to address the clothing situation. Each December I hear, “Don’t worry about the way I’m eating; I am planning on losing weight at the beginning of the New Year.” I respond, “I won’t; and don’t expect to get any clothes because I don’t want to buy stuff that won’t fit you in a few months since you clearly have a plan to lose all this weight. Let’s wait until that happens and then get you some clothes.” I still haven’t been taken up on that promise.
I did get her a box of toothpicks for her stocking this year, but I don’t think stocking stuffers should be scrutinized. By the way, I guess she has just admitted to peeking at the Christmas stash.
This poll has been closed. See results here.
14 Responses to “He Said She Said: Can a Household Necessity be Given as a Gift?”
If there were something inbetween the two options – I would have voted for that one. An occasional household item for a gift is OK, for me. I once got a dustbuster that I was very excited about. Especially if you asked for it. Plus, if the wife is not willing to give a list, and she knows she’s married to a donkey, then she shouldn’t complain – it was her choice.
I give my husband a huge list of like 20 things. Obviously he can’t get me ALL of those things, so what I get is still a surprise.
Oh my gosh! Did I just side with the donkey? EEEK!
By Nancy Sabina on Dec 23, 2007
Anything that is purchased can be counted as a gift. My wife doesn’t know it yet, but she is getting a new vacuum instead of the iPod she asked for. Why? The iPod isn’t advanced enough yet to clean our floors.
By LiteMike on Dec 23, 2007
litemike, that isn’t a good idea. I got my wife a vacuum as a gift once. Once. And she had been whining for months she needed a new one.
I side with the Donkey on this one. My wife never gives me hints, or a list. So she usually gets crap like towels. It’s her own damn fault. This year though I actually paid attention and got her a new laptop. Now she isn’t always using mine. Win-Win situation there.
By Nobody™ on Dec 23, 2007
When you’re married to a donkey and don’t provide a list, you might as well say, “disappoint me!”
By wifelikeme on Dec 23, 2007
i think a household item can be given as a gift, but not the only gift. i would be willing to bet that the wife gave the donkey a good wishlist (she’s a list maker you know) and i bet he “misplaced” it, as in promptly put it out of his mind because he would never spend money on any of those things anyway. sorry Wife, i voted with The Donkey again… yikes!
By cworth on Dec 23, 2007
Hi guys – love your blog!
I wish there was an in-between option for this poll. My husband – then boyfriend – once stuffed a stocking for me with everyday things like gum excedrin (I get a lot of headaches), and I thought that was sweet and thoughtful. But he also gave me a boxed DVD set I love, and a board game. So I think a few daily household items are fine, but essentially doing the grocery shopping for your wife isn’t much of a Merry Christmas!
by the way, I wonder if the phrase “lose ALL THIS weight” will land you sleeping on the couch anytime soon, Donkey!
By Sarah Marie on Dec 23, 2007
Concerning the toothpicks, who says she has been peeking? She knows what is on her shopping list, that’s all. A gift should be something you would dearly love to have but don’t need. Anything on a grocery list definitely does not count unless it is everything on the list and in that case it should still only count as “fillers” and not THE ITEM.
Merry Christmas and hope you have time to redeem yourself this year.
By Anonymous on Dec 23, 2007
i like litemike’s style, is it the donkey’s fault he beat you to getting yourself the “gift” it could have been a normal shopping pickup but since he was on the ball he turned it into a gift. can we give this guy some kind of award- BRAVO sir BRAVO
By phillyz on Dec 24, 2007
I don’t think that you can count a household item as a gift, unless it’s something really special and was specially requested. Why? Because a household item is for the entire family. It’s not FOR your wife. No, it’s for you. You’re actually requesting her to do something. There are special instances when that thing is something really cool, like a Kitchen Aid or something. But that’s rare. If I was a guy, I’d take years of observing my parents and NEVER give my wife a household item as a gift. Give her nothing if you’re going to be an idiot, it’s a better choice.
By Anonymous on Dec 25, 2007
There is no way that I would give my wife a household item (again) as a gift. This Christmas, besides the list she gave me, I had the choice between a couple other things that she mentioned. On one occasion, she said she wanted a Nintendo DS… on another she said she wanted a new vacuum cleaner.
I went with the DS and she was as happy as ever. I told her, later that it was a hard decision between that and the vacuum. After inciting violence at the fact that I even considered the vacuum, she was thankful that I made the right choice.
I honestly would never have bought anything that would be associated with “work” (except possibly a dishwasher). I learned, long ago that when giving gifts to women, the item needs to be something “personal”. Personal things are especially important on birthdays, since the whole day is all about them.
Don’t ever buy her a car stereo to put in your car, claiming that she listens to music more than you do. … hey… I was young and foolish… and I learned!
By Tom on Dec 26, 2007
How about this? How about a spouse who loves you and getting a gift for both of you. Pre-paid baby sitting for year so you can go out and spend time together. The donkey and his whiner ( that’s alll she appears to do on this blog ) can spend some time reconnecting.
By Khurt Williams on Dec 26, 2007
Wow! I don’t know who “Khurt Williams” is – but I didn’t know there was anyone who was a bigger…ahem…donkey…than The Donkey out there! There’s no need for rudeness.
By Anonymous on Dec 26, 2007
Seems like there could always be SOMETHING special that the donkey for find as a gift—look for pretty jewelry, or a nice CD or ipod, or something a bit on the splurgy side. Even a good book for heaven’s sake! Then, give another, more practical gift if need be!
tin0002
By Anonymous on Dec 26, 2007
I can’t BELIEVE how many insensitive oafs (read: donkeys) are out there! Any man who doesn’t know what gifts to get his wife is simply too self-absorbed. If you just pay attention when you’re out running errands, or just sitting at home, even what seems like idle conversation will reveal her preferences and desires. If you’re shopping and she says an outfit looks cute, urge her to try it on, then leave the store together and find a pretense to leave her for a few minutes and go back and buy it immediately (if she liked it). Same with perfumes she likes, or jewelry, or books, or music, ANYTHING (but try to be sneaky, we like surprises you know!).
If you are seriously too retarded to remember to bring along a paper and pen to surreptitiously write yourself notes (what item, what size, what store, etc.) while you’re shopping with her, then get used to buying things on the spur of the moment and saving them for special occasions (in-laws are great at storing presents for you). BTW, you don’t have to wait for a birthday, Valentine’s, mother’s day, or Christmas to give her something you noticed her wanting.
And steer away from household items unless, for instance, she loves to cook and she’s been eyeing some new kitchen gadget that isn’t necessary, but fun. See, that’s the key to good gifts: things that are not necessary, but have merit merely in being enjoyable or fun.
By *Bibliophile on Dec 26, 2007