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What Was He Thinking?

Here’s where we answer our our readers’ questions. Please don’t blame us if the suggestions don’t work for you. You’re the one taking advice from a donkey.

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Dear Donkey and Wife
What exactly are husbands thinking about when you are talking to them and they are looking directly at you but have not heard on single thing you have said? How frustrating
-He’s Dazed, I’m Confused

He Says
I know that blank stare very well. There are two ways the stare is used. First, a husband will use that stare to make you think he is not listening. Guess what? He actually hears you, but he wants to feign ignorance so he will not be responsible for whatever you are telling him. He knows for sure that you have an agenda and that you will continue talking even if he is closing his eyes. He also knows that you think he is not paying attention, so you won’t hold him accountable for what you just said. Therefore, the solution is to hold him accountable. Say something crazy (I need 6 new outfits), and if he doesn’t come out of his trance, make him pay for it.

Sometimes husbands just stare off for no reason. I can’t be sure exactly what your husband is thinking, but here is the thought process I went through when my wife was talking to me last night:
“She’s hungry again? We just ate. Actually, I guess it has been a while. I can’t wait to eat at a buffet tomorrow. I hope it isn’t a buffet that has lots of old people. Old people smell strange and I hate that smell when I eat. Why are they always at the buffets? They don’t even eat a lot. It must suck to be old. Then again, I can’t wait until I am an old man. I’ll just walk around saying crazy stuff since I’ll be old and can get away with it. Would I get into trouble if I wandered into a girls’ locker room? Probably. Oh, my wife is still talking. I better nod. Wait. Why is she trying to kiss me? Did I just agree to something?”

Hope that helps you understand the man stare a little more. Note: My explanation may be completely off if your husband has a lazy eye. Only a true doctor can help you there.

She Says
I also know that blank stare, all too well. The Donkey is usually off in another world when he should be listening to me. His techniques are so advanced that he has perfected the art of “listening” to me without really hearing, and his short-term memory manages to save the last 10 or 15 words I have said, in the likely case that he is asked to restate. It goes a little something like this:

Me: So I’ve been thinking, even though I really like the comforter we have on our bed right now, it might be time to get a new one. I saw a few really nice ones at the store that looked fluffy. We’ve had ours for so long it’s starting to flat, plus I’m a bit tired of the design. Well, I guess the comforter isn’t that bad, but we have those new picture frames now. I do like green, but the frames are all beige and we have those light purple pillow cases, so there isn’t really a cohesive design. We should probably talk about this because I want to make sure we get a comforter we both like. The comforter should definitely match the pictures and the pillow cases. …Wait? Are you even listening to me?
Him: Yes, yes, quite asking me that.
Me: Ok, then what did I just say?
Him: You said you picture getting new pillow cases.
Me: Not exactly.
Him: I mean you said you want to take a match to the pillow cases because they aren’t giving you any comfort.
Me: Ugh. Never mind, just forget it.

Which, of course he promptly does.

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