Comments on: Weighing In

By: Jennie

Jennie — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 20:29:02 +0000

Since gaining weight due to prednisone for a medical condition, my hubby is always telling me to lose weight or stop eating. The issue I have is that I don’t eat junk food. My doctors have told him the weight gain is due to the prednisone but he thinks it’s because while he’s at work I’m just lazy and eating, which is not the case. He says he’s not attracted to me anymore, because I don’t look like the same thin person he married. I never hear him say, “you look beautiful” or “i like what you are wearing”. His comments are always hurtful and degrating. I have hardly any self-esteem left. Not to mention, he has gained over 100 pounds since we were married. There is no reason for his weight gain other than, not watching what he eats or his portion size.

By: Nathaniel

Nathaniel — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 17:54:00 +0000

Perhaps if they are obese and unhealthy. At which point you need to be very sensitive about it. “Honey, I love you, and I think you’re super sexy. But I am concerned that your weight might be bad for your health.” especially if you’re planning on having kids because obesity can have an effect on fertility.My wife happens to be fairly thin. I keep telling her that I can’t wait until she gets pregnant and she blows up to the size of a house! I laugh, she usually doesn’t.

By: Vatermann

Vatermann — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 01:55:00 +0000

I have never needed to. My wife all-to-readily points out her own so-called physical faults. I don't mind a little more of her to love. I don't expect my wife to be in better shape than me, and I'm carrying a few extra pounds.

I won't tell the punchline here, but have you heard the joke:
How do you make 5 lbs. of fat attractive?

Google it. I subscribe to this (albeit male) philosophy.

By: Andy Nelson

Andy Nelson — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 00:05:00 +0000

I’d approach this the same way I would approach an abortion ……. Only if someone’s life is in danger, and then only after serious fasting and prayer.

By: celine

celine — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 21:01:00 +0000

wow- are we really only attracted to people who don't "need to lose weight"?

...maybe it would be easier if women stopped having babies and stopped aging...and of course stopped eating..and maybe started taking diet pills...but then I think the moodiness might increase...

a contract? the "right way"? why is discussing weight even a problem?

I would hope someone wouldn't leave his or her spouse over weight alone. I would think if the "weight" were an issue, then maybe it is the physical manifestation of other issues for both parties, and that would be what needs to be dealt with -- not the weight.

this request should never happen.

By: phillyz

phillyz — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 19:10:00 +0000

of course it is ok, keeping something bottled up like this is definate disaster. your spouse deserves to have an attractive mate, if that is what they married, so why not talk about this. would it be odd to tell your spouse you need more affection or compliments—no! attraction plays a major role in marriage and needs to be discussed openly in a productive way. My feelings don’t get hurt if my wife says i need to lose weight, as long as it’s in the right way

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 16:07:00 +0000

Yes! But only if you both know the ground rules. I know my husband will tell me when I look good, but I also EXPECT him to tell me when things need a bit of improvement. He just needs to know how to say it.

By: April J.

April J. — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 15:19:00 +0000

NEED to lose weight is definitely not the right choice of words. Maybe if you made it about yourself ex. “I’ve been feeling sluggish lately, maybe we should try working out together” Motivating to exercise is usually okay but saying they need to lose weight is probably not a good idea.

By: Karlmalone

Karlmalone — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 07:41:00 +0000

Yes. Dish it out if you can take what’s coming back to you. Also she is not going to forget what you said for a very long time.

By: Lord Baldemort

Lord Baldemort — Sun, 11 Nov 2007 21:39:00 +0000

I think there should be some sort of pre-martial verbal contract. In the agreement both parties should state what their expectations of their spouse will be. Both parties agree on punishments for violation of the said agreement. Also a written contract would not be a bad idea. That way it would be more difficult for one of the parties to renig on the contract. If the agreement is violated the spouse who is in violation should indeed expect some sort of ridicule.