He Said She Said: Should Husbands and Wives Fart in Front of Each Other?
A Gaseous Explosion From The Inner Crevasse
He Said
When I was younger I went to Six Flags with my friend’s family. He was talking about farting and his mom got really mad because she didn’t like that word. So he responded, “Would you rather have me say a gaseous explosion from the inner crevasse?” Instant classic. I tell you this story because this is the subject of today’s debate, and my wife also hates the ‘F’ word.
One memorable day several years ago I was watching TV with my wife. Suddenly I heard a loud toot from the other end of the couch. I looked over in complete disgust and said to my wife, “What was that?” She replied that it was just a little gas. I was totally grossed out and feigned a dizzy spell to get my point across. She told me to calm down and to accept the fact that if I break wind out loud then she will too. I told her that she was sorely mistaken and that it is never acceptable for a wife to create audible noises from her rear area. We argued back and forth for a while until I uttered a phrase that has become infamous in our marriage: “Can I help it if I wanted to marry a dainty wife?” The argument ended there but has resurfaced over the years, usually when there have been repeat offenses. I understand that my wife might feel like a double standard has been created, but I don’t think so. Society accepts the fact that men on occasion may celebrate bodily gasses, but society does not accept this behavior from women. I hate to say it, but we should hold women to a higher standard in regards to this topic.
She Said
This debate is so ridiculous it is almost comical. I say almost because unlike The Donkey I don’t find that much humor in the release of bodily gasses. Here are just a few examples of actual things that have transpired since we have been married:
- I’m sitting at the computer writing a research paper, when suddenly a hand is cupped directly over my nose, full of a foul stench. All I can hear is the cackle of The Donkey, proud of the Butter Cup he has just inflicted upon me.
- The Donkey and I are lying in bed, enjoying a rare evening when we are both awake, talking about our day. Next thing I know, the covers are brought over my head–like the parachute game we used to play in gym class, only this game comes with a pungent aroma. Again, with the cackling, The Donkey has subjected me to a Covered Wagon.
- We are in the kitchen fixing dinner for our guests who are about to arrive. The Donkey cuts the cheese, takes in a big whiff and gets a big smile on his face, thrilled by the smell his body has just produced. When questioned about his delight, his only explanation is that the worse it smells the happier he feels.
- We are watching a movie together, lying on the couch. The Donkey lifts his leg–which is right next to mine–and I hear a trumpet-like blast from his backside, followed of course, by cackling.
You get the idea, right? Compare those descriptions with what generally happens when I let a little gas slip out. First of all, I rarely make a sound. If I happen to accidentally pass gas in The Donkey’s presence and think he might get wind of it, I immediately tell him to plug his nose, while I rush to light a match or spray some air freshener. His reaction is to roll his eyes and huff and puff (while trying not to breathe). He then commences to lecture me on the virtue of femininity. He puts on quite a show, but his disdain for my flatulence is not fake. He gets extremely angry at the lack of respect I am showing him by breaking wind in his presence.
I actually don’t care if we occasionally release some air around each other. It’s nice to avoid it, but it’s bound to happen once in a while. But a guy who has lifted his leg and f@rted directly into his wife’s face has no business lecturing anyone about respect. You want a dainty wife–treat her like one.
What do you think? Should either of us hold in our gas while the other is around?
Leave a comment, and vote in the poll.
UPDATE: This poll has been closed. See results here.
16 Responses to “He Said She Said: Should Husbands and Wives Fart in Front of Each Other?”
I say nobody should fart. I agree with the Donkey that women should be held to a higher standard in these matters.
I don’t care if other women fart or are not “dainty” but I expect my wife to be and I don’t want to hear nasty noises coming from her.
I control my gas around her all I ask is the same consideration. If you have to fart leave the room or don’t eat the bowl of chili and cheese before coming around me.
Another thing I don’t care for is when a girl farts or burps and then tries to kiss me…ARE YOU KIDDING. After a nasty smelling episode expect a 24 hour desmelling period before coming around me again for affection.
Farting and burping is only funny in Toejam and Earl
By P on Nov 27, 2007
maybe i should try giving P the gift of no farting since I am so bad at buying him things…
By celine on Nov 27, 2007
I absolutely agree with The Wife on this one- “You want a dainty wife–treat her like one.” Nothing in anything I’ve read on this website leads me to believe that The Donkey thinks he has a dainty wife. Nobody “dainty” would put up with this kind of crap. Donkeys are not for the weak of heart.
By Nancy Sabina on Nov 27, 2007
WAIT A MINUTE!!!! HOLD THE PHONE (and your nose). I did not vote because I disagree with both choices. Since when has it ever been alright for anyone to purposely f___ (I can’t use that word either) male or female? It is more than respect for another, it is all about respect for self. Why would anyone want to call such negative and disgusting attention to himself and then inflict it on another? The name donkey is more than appropriate here…this guy truly is an ___ with a capital A. (I can’t say that word either.)What might appear funny at 3 is definitely not funny at 30. There appears to be more than a lack of maturity here however. The donkey, simply does not get it. He does stupid things, doesn’t mind telling everyone about them (how many read this stuff anyway?) and then he tries to get you to tell him it’s OK? What a moron!
By Anonymous on Nov 27, 2007
I say, let it all out. Holding in your farts can be painful and can lead to digestive problems. My wife hates it when I fart… mostly just because they stink worse than anything she’s ever smelled. If my wife where to fart, I wouldn’t care. The whole femininity thing just doesn’t apply when it comes to that sort of stuff. For instance, my wife and I have belching contests. For some reason, it just amuses me that such big noises can come out of such a dainty person.
Now, I also would never subject my wife to buttercups, covered wagons, watermelons, or any other such horrific prank. That’s just mean.
By Nathaniel on Nov 27, 2007
LOL Covered Wagon. We call it a “Dutch Oven”
Anyway, I hope I have grown up over the years but in my youth there was something very satisfying about subjecting a loved one or friend to a bit of methane. My son gets great pleasure out of subjecting his sister or mother to a “hair lifting” fart in the face while they watch tv. He tried it on me once, but the reprisal was severe. (Dad has gas too and can pin you down indefinitely).
I say if there is to be improvement in the fart equality there needs to be reprisal. Woman have a natural gift for the SBD (Silent but Deadly)… she should use it to her advantage. I realize this solution is radical and against the nature of most women and civilized people, but sometimes you have to get down into the mud to lift someone else to a higher plane.
By Karlmalone on Nov 27, 2007
Belching and farting are natural bodily functions. There’s nothing funny about them. It’s the *delivery* that people find amusing.
Except that inflicting discomfort and nastiness on another person for your own personal enjoyment isn’t funny…it’s disrespectful and borders on bullying. Especially if the other person has asked you not to more than once.
By wifelikeme on Nov 27, 2007
I think females are never permitted to fart in front of anyone. Although husbands should respect their wives, I think it is ok for them to let a few rip
By Anonymous on Nov 27, 2007
Hold the phone here! I fell asleep last night after I wrote my post and have just visited the blog to see my good name dragged through the mud by my wife and in the comments. The Wife’s claims are a bit exaggerated and I truly don’t remember the 1st point she claims. It is true that a cover wagon has been delivered, but it has been several years. She has masked the true argument with outrageous claims and stories that can best be described as fantasy. I hope you can read through the “foggy mist” she so eloquently casts.
By The Donkey on Nov 27, 2007
i must say a good fart can be satisfying and funny, but never from someone else and certainly not your wife. is it a double standard, absolutely, but one that i think works. if my wife can spend all the money she wants and then get mad at me for spending $1 then i can fart all i want and get mad at her for doing the same. we all deal with double standards it just so happens this is one of the rare ones that falls in the guys favor. i hate to do this but i think i remember the donkey bragging about the buttercup. that stuff is just nasty and should get the donkey clocked in the lip
By phillyz on Nov 27, 2007
Farting is never acceptable in public. When you are with your friends or family, it just depends on their standards. But everyone should be held to the same standards. If my husband or boyfriend can fart, then by golly, so can I. I really don’t find it all that funny, but I’m not gonna make a big deal out of it. I do know that if my husband can’t laugh something like that off, he won’t survive marriage to me.
By Anonymous on Nov 27, 2007
This is very good text, thank you.
have a good day
By david santos on Nov 27, 2007
What the bizarreness was that previous comment. Anyway, farting is never acceptable. My husband and I have an unspoken agreement against such uncouth behavior. Yet every so often I hear a little pfft and smell a musty stench, and of course I see my husband out of the corner of my eye checking to see if I heard. I let these times slide like a fart through the cheeks because he is properly embarrassed at the grossness of farting.
By Anonymous on Nov 27, 2007
OK, why is everyone getting so worked up over this subject??? It’s a natural thing!!!! Should you tell your woman not to poop cuz thats unladylike too?? Whatever, I may not be “dainty,” I was raised by 3 brothers….burps, farts, and all games involving these things were hilarious, and still are!! I continue the tradition on with my 2 sons and hope they will carry it on also. Not saying I would let one rip at work or in line at the store but if i’m in the privacy of my own house or my bed, you better believe I will let one rip and you will most likely see a great big smile on my face or hear me laughing if you were caught in the crossfire!!!
By undainty on Nov 28, 2007
No farting for anyone! Same standards for everyone!
By maxeverything on Dec 10, 2007
Max failed to mention that we both fart ALL THE TIME and before we got married I promised I would never covered wagon him.
By mrs. everything on Dec 11, 2007