Lesson 10: Wife Appraisal
Anyone who has had a job should be familiar with performance appraisals. These typically occur 1-4 times a year and are designed to evaluate an employee’s performance and identify strengths and areas for improvement. This tool can also be applied to marriage. Or so I thought.
Lesson 10: Don’t email your wife a performance appraisal form.
Several years ago I was getting frustrated because the house wasn’t as clean as I thought it should be, our son wasn’t participating in as many activities as I thought he should, and my wife wasn’t exercising as consistently as I wanted. Since I am in HR–and an idiot–I thought a performance appraisal form was the solution.
I began researching various performance appraisal formats and noted the aspects I liked in each. I then thought of the categories I would like to rate her on. The appraisal form began to take shape, including a long list of categories like motherhood, housekeeping, cooking, physical fitness, spirituality, intimacy, and supporting my work. I was on a roll. I had a spot to provide a rating for each category and some space for notes. I also left her some space so she could identify how well she thought she did and so she could develop some goals which we would review in the future.
I emailed a blank Wife Appraisal template to her and eagerly awaited her response. I was pretty impressed myself, and imagined that she would be pleased at the time I spent thinking and working on something to improve our marriage. When I got her email reply, it simply said, “Is this a joke?” This seems like a simple question, but I knew she actually meant, “This better be a funny form you found online that you wanted to pass on to me for fun, but if you actually made this and intend to use it, you better think of a way out of this.” I quickly emailed my reply: “Of course it’s a joke; who would ever do such a thing?!”
My suggestion: Leave the appraisal forms at work. If you feel the need to send your wife an email attachment, stick with an electronic greeting card with cheesy music and an animated bouquet.
5 Responses to “Lesson 10: Wife Appraisal”
I don’t think it’s that bad an idea as long as you keep your sense of humor and the donkey fills one out as well, Maybe with categories like Helping Out at Home including cleans up after himself, puts things back where they go, takes out trash without being asked, etc. Another category could be Romance including gift-giving, massages, date-planning & follow-through. Other categories that come to mind would be Cheerfulness, Employment, Child-involvement/Fatherhood, as well as ones listed on the wife appraisal like physical fitness, and intimacy. If it goes both ways and starts a meaningful discussion it might not be such a bad idea. On the other hand if it goes both ways and starts a hell-raising it’s very, very bad.
By liss on Oct 29, 2007
Those are good ideas, and I was not opposed to an appraisal form for me.
By The Donkey on Oct 29, 2007
again brilliant sir donkey, if you would have said it came from a well respected psychologist/love guru/ or any other person she respects it may have worked
By philyz on Oct 30, 2007
I think I need to see this form.
By Anonymous on Nov 4, 2007
I personally have been in the shoes of your wife Donkey where I PERSONALLY don’t feel that the household chores are getting done (everyone in our home has chores but not one does them except when mommy goes nuts,) my health is crap because of my stress level. I would LOVE a copy of this Appraisal that you came up with, along with one for my husband and my children. Is this possible? PLEASE send copies to my e-mail.
By Heidi on Jun 16, 2010