Lesson 2: It’s Not the Thought that Counts
Lesson 2: Telling your wife that you were thinking about buying her flowers–but then decided not to–doesn’t actually count for anything. In fact, it does more damage than good.
I find buying flowers to be a big waste of money. They cost a lot, bring in bugs, and usually smell gross. Some people like to say, “Oh, but you have to water them and nurture them just like a relationship.” Are you an idiot? Within a matter of days the flowers are dead, symbolizing that love is short-lived and will soon end, despite all the effort. Why would anyone want to send that message to someone they love?
Because of this, a few years ago I decided to just tell my wife that I almost bought flowers for her, but changed my mind and didn’t. This seemed logical because I could show that I put some thought into it; I just didn’t follow through with a transaction at the register. I had mentally done something nice without spending money. Well, telling her this did not go well. She was quite angry that I couldn’t shell out a few bucks to make her happy. I explained that I did, and showed her a gift certificate to Chili’s. This leads me to:
Lesson 2a: Don’t get your wife a gift that directly benefits you unless you are very clever or have a slow wife. This would include a gift certificate to your favorite restaurant, movie tickets, a surprise vacation to see your family, a new dvd that you have been dying to own, etc. They can see through this and know what you are doing.
Anyway, I tried the “I thought about buying you flowers today, but didn’t” thing again the next year. This time I got into even more trouble for not remembering that this had made her angry the year before. She told me she would rather have me never tell her about things I was “going to do” because it was too disappointing to her.
My suggestion: Don’t buy the flowers, and just don’t mention that you thought about it. You can save a lot of money and heartache.
11 Responses to “Lesson 2: It’s Not the Thought that Counts”
I agree that “the thought” usually is not counted for good unless it results in action, however it can be successful if you include a valid reason that you could not get the flowers. For example I was going to get you flowers, but the store closed just before I could get there, or the only ones they had were almost dead. This might just work.
By phillyz on Jul 2, 2007
That is true. Maybe next time I should accidentally show up to the store a few minutes after it closes. Although, she could say, “No problem, get it tomorrow.” Then I would be ree pissed.
By The Donkey on Jul 2, 2007
As a woman, I would definitely buy an excuse like, “I was going to buy you flowers, but they are expensive and will die in a few days, so I thought we could use the money to get your favorite (insert here ice cream or movie or dinner or save for a date, etc).” This way, the stupid flowers argument is out the window and the thought turns into an action of some other sort you two can decide on together.
By Anonymous on Jul 2, 2007
what’s with the annonymous? can you post comments as an identifiable person please
By phillyz on Jul 2, 2007
anonymous makes a good point, using the money for something that you feel is not a waste is a very good idea.
By phillyz on Jul 2, 2007
this is the only place to comment on the poll, I definately think Lord Baldemort is the official creep, but Doug should definately be included i think it would be a close race between the two of them
By phillyz on Jul 3, 2007
I also would like to vote for Doug as the official creep. How dare he not include himself.
By Brittany on Jul 3, 2007
Last Valentine’s day I went to greeting card store with my wife and showed her the card I would buy her if I wanted to spend $5 on a card she would glance at and throw in a drawer for eternity.
$5 saved and some crappy Hallmark poetry delivered…what could be more romantic?
By Karlmalone on Jul 5, 2007
I am at work! I am laughing too loud! Patrons are shushing ME!
By mrs. everything on Jul 21, 2007
All guys probably make this mistake, my boyfriend used to upset me with that one all the time ’til I explained it to him simply: in two out of three cases, the thought does count.
Case one: you wanted to do something, but you couldn’t for reasons beyond your control. The thought counts.
Case two: you wanted to do something, and you could do something, so you followed through with the action. The thought counts, but you may not get praised for it as the action counts more. This leads to..
Case three: you wanted to do something, and you could do something, but you didn’t. Action > thought. Negative action (ie. no action) = negative reaction (ie. her getting annoyed with you).
Basically, don’t say you wanted to do something unless you couldn’t, and let her know you couldn’t. Give valid reasons, like I said things beyond your control. Not something flimsy that’ll make her doubt how much she’s worth to you.
Surely that’s the reason you wanted to do it in the first place right, to let her know how much she’s worth to you? How much you love her? That you’ll buy her flowers, because you know SHE’D like them, irregardless of your own feelings towards them. If you find it hard to be that selfless though, a single red rose is a very romantic gesture. It’s fairly foolproof in that all women should appreciate it, and a single flower isn’t going to cost a fortune or stink up the place.
Hope this helps!
By Anonymous on Oct 17, 2007
This is an excellent suggestion on this matter. We had some friends over last night and they brought my wife flowers. Looks like I am off the hook for another year. Thanks to Heather.
October 17, 2007 8:28 PM
By The Donkey on Oct 17, 2007