Lesson 1: Ratings Game
I think it is important for me to share the wisdom and insight I have about marriage. I will regularly provide advice and knowledge on the topic of marriage for all those who could use a little help. The information I provide is free. Although it should not be taken as authoritative doctrine, it is based on years of real-life research. Use my advice wisely and avoid the mistakes I have made.
I’ve been told that “Husband Advice” would be a more appropriate title. But “Wife Advice ” sounds funnier and is short for: “How Not to Treat Your Wife Advice”
Lesson 1: Don’t rate your wife, especially if you plan on giving her something other
than a 10.
This a mistake I made on our honeymoon. My wife asked what I would rate her on a scale from 1-10. I thought for a minute and gave her a 6. This seemed completely reasonable to me. As I reveled in my honest and accurate assessment, I noticed that her face was sort of clenched like she was trying to survive a skunk attack from 3 feet away. She finally exclaimed, “A 6! You think I am a 6? Why did you marry me?”
I proceeded to explain that a 6 is good because a 5 is average. I certainly wouldn’t give anyone a 10 because that is unattainable. I told her that I honestly didn’t know if I had every met a 9, so really the bar is starting at an 8. This didn’t make her any happier. I then explained that I am a 6 and that we are a pretty good match. This made her even madder. I then began to rate her on things like “Motherly qualities” and “Dependability.” Things got worse. I didn’t know what to do. She then asked me to rate other people we knew. So I started rattling off numbers, “7, 4, 8, 6, 8, 3.” This didn’t help at all. It has been 8 years, and I still hear about the time I gave her a 6. I should note that last year I bumped her up to a 7. It seems to me that wives are like cheese, wine, and investments; they grow and typically get better with age.
You might think, “What a fool, why didn’t he just give her a 10?” My friends, I am an honest person and want to be a straight shooter. Besides, wives know you are lying when you give them a 10. You just get in trouble for lying at that point. But I must admit that it is probably better than being honest.
I apologize to those of you who could have benefited from reading this earlier.
My suggestion: For those who haven’t been asked yet, you now know what to do: Avoid the question at all costs!
16 Responses to “Lesson 1: Ratings Game”
Lesson 1a: Don’t put the actual rating on your blog unless it was a 10. My wife just informed me of this. I’m sure she’ll have a comment soon.
By The Donkey on Jun 22, 2007
I applaud your honesty. I do have an observation. In my experience actual 9’s and 10’s wouldn’t rate themselves as such. They are always saying they are too skinny, fat, tall, short, etc. Those that say they are 10’s are usually 3’s or 4’s that know they have defects and accept them in a noble way.
By JPN on Jun 22, 2007
Chris, you don’t need to stick your head in a bear trap to know it’s not a good idea. Use better judgement and common sense in the future. Life lessons don’t need to be experienced to be learned.
By tom on Jun 22, 2007
I agree that honesty is the best policy but in cases such as this it is better to avoid hurt feelings and justify a 10 in some way, perhaps you could in your own mind include all attributes that a wife may not be thinking but if in your mind it justifies a 10 then you should feel good about giving it and not have to explain how you came up with the number.
By phillyz on Jun 24, 2007
I think when people ask questions like that they are really looking for you to say something positive. They don’t really care to hear a nuymber they just want you to validate them in some way. It’s kind of like a test and sir you failed.
By peter on Jun 24, 2007
Failure was inevitable. I must disagree with Lord Baldemort. Although something may be an obvious danger (let’s say a cactus), there are always those who will still fall victim. That is why this advice is invaluable.
By The Donkey on Jun 24, 2007
I know exactly what you mean. Luckily my wife has never asked, but I hope I would have figured out the correct answer
By Jon Allen on Oct 18, 2007
You gave your wife a SIX on your HONEYMOON? Are you out the doghouse yet?
By Greg on Jan 4, 2008
Am I the only person that finds it exceedingly odd that any woman would ask her husband to RATE her? What in the world was up with that? Was that kind of like “Does this outfit look ok?” phrased badly or does she need some serious empowerment therapy?
BigBob can “rate” me when . . . well, you know.
Seriously, I just can’t even envision such a conversation.
Thanks for contributing this post to this week’s Carnival of Family Life, hosted at Modern Sage — Practical Living Blog. The Carnival will be live tomorrow, so please stop by and peruse all of the wonderful articles submitted this week!
By JHS on Feb 17, 2008
Thank you for sharing this post with the readers of this week’s Carnival of Family Life! This week the Spring is Just Around the Corner Edition is hosted at home at Colloquium! Hope you will drop by and read some of the many other wonderful entries received this week!
By JHS on Feb 24, 2008